Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

Given all of that, I can't think of a single reasonable explanation for staying with him.

What’s ironic is it’s usually these women who are the most unhappy in their relationships.

I’ve known several women like this and they’re absolutely awful to their daughters because they choose to be single (they would rather they stayed in a physically abusive relationship then be single)

But then sometimes these mothers see their daughters doing so well and being so happy, that they end up leaving their own partners.

In which case how an earth have you got involved with this Walter Mitty?

As well as looking at his boundaries you need to look at your own.

If it's web design I doubt he actually has a running business at this point in time. How long have you known this man?

Which world do you live in? 🤣

So it’s basically just sex that you’ll be missing.

Which is one of the easiest things you can get from a man.

And he is willing to spend a fortune for two people on a trip to somewhere that he cannot speak the language with no meetups planned? His business model is well out of date. He should be sitting in his dining room working, especially cold call emailing any potential clients. He will not pick up many clients from beaches in Vietnam or Brazil (or wherever he is going).

I would not be thinking of him as a long-term partner.

How is he actually funding the travel? Or his house? I'd guess this is about to blow up - hence why he was so keen to move in with you. Where did he plan to run the "business" from if he was living at yours?

Have you travelled together? Who paid?

No they are not you just have to work a bit harder at finding them and potentially adjust your standards a bit in other areas. If you want a loyal, kind, trustworthy, caring man you may need to accept that his hobbies are things you don't find fun (like computer games or trains) and that he likely won't be 6ft 4 and drop dead gorgeous. Or he may have kids already and hence not be fully available.

Either way you can't find a better man whilst spending all your energies on this lying loser.

1. Thats not true
2. Lets review he - gaslights, lies, is secretive, dismisses your concerns, is away more than hes home, has no consideration for a 22 year old graduate hes taking on a work trip (and maybe to some tourist sights) who hes expecting to work with in a house/hotel room and how this could be perceived, hes superficially charming, his finances could be dire (trips on the business, wanted to cocklodge at your house) and his willy is tiny.
3. This is the important one. Ask yourself what at 2. Is decent? Because not finding a good one isnt a reason to be a bed warmer for a manipulative and deceitful one. If there isnt a good one to choose, just choose yourself.

As as a ps.. because this is based on nothing but my feeling and suspicious nature. You know nothing about his work or these trips. But youve managed to find out about this 22 year old?.. and you know shes attractive?.. is this like a way to push how much youll tolerate.. maybe he likes you jealous insecure and with him anyway?

You can get grants for an apprentice even as a small business. I doubt he is paying her out of his own pocket.

OP sounds like a financial catch for this guy but she refused to let him move in. I would like to hear more about that OP, was he planning on paying his way?

I don’t like how some posters are saying this apprentice is having an affair with him. I highly doubt it, but I do think he is trying to manoeuvre her in to a situation where she is alone with him abroad or indebted somehow. I am more concerned about her. Young women are less naive these days, but I can easily see her not understanding his intentions especially if he is a convincing talker.

He sounds really predatory with his pretend business & work trips which give him lots of alone time with his very young, inexperienced assistant 🤢

I’ve got DDs her age - no way would I be ok with this.

Yes. I built a happy single life and didn't really want a man, but then this "odd" short, talks too much, 100% focused on his running, lives with his parents as his Dad needs care, man joined our club.

He's no 'catch' from the outside, but he's kind and reliable, good company. He visits my parents when they're in hospital, he brings me dinner when I've worked late etc. He pays his way meticulously but doesn't have cash the flash about.

He adds enormously to my life, but he's not a status symbol boyfriend, and he's not going to provide for me financially, but I don't need that because I'm secure in my own worth without a man.

The whole point about businesses like web design is that it's all Web based. You absolutely do not have to go swanning off round the world (without any concrete leads by the sounds of things). If you're good at your job, you'll have a brilliant website to showcase your business - you don't need to chuff off to Paraguay for a power point presentation. And if his business isn't doing so well, why did he employ this woman? Her role seems a bit airy fairy.

You sound like a strong, successful, intelligent, capable woman. Just dump him.

Please leave this man Op! He doesn't sound any good at all.
Also worried about the 22 yr old being away with him (whether she's attractive or not is irrelevant).

Are you a 40 yo man??

Then he's not the right person to be with.

Tbh, if they were wanting a relationship, a work trip won't change that, it would already be together. No amount of worrying about them being away would change that. But... going by the secrecy, lies, why on earth would you want to be with someone like that? A partner isn't supposed to do that to you, they're supposed to enrich your life, not make you feel like an insecure, worried pile of poo.

Has he got any good points?

Loves to travel

But not with you apparently

Needing to go away for 3 weeks with his colleague for a web design is odd. It sounds more like a jolly than a business trip.

This is what I was thinking. She’s going to be in a country where she doesn’t speak the language with a very selfish man that can’t be trusted.

Your life sounds pretty great tbh .
Make it perfect , by ditching him .

He is going off on holiday with his new friend. Sorry.

Say it’s sounds great and you might tag along for a holiday, see what his reaction is…

Dump him and move on.
He's awful.
A liar.
Why would you waste your precious time with such a loser?
Time to just do it and move on.