Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

So why are you with him then? He's not honest, he gaslights, he's financially insecure yet can afford to travel extensively, you don't trust him. What are you getting from this relationship?

So why on earth are you in this relationship? By your own account he’s dishonest, secretive, untrustworthy, gaslights you, has no idea how to run a business etc etc. Raise your bar!

Sorry, I did not mean to be so rude, I shout like that at the heroines of Anita Brookner's novels - I love them so much, but you can just see, it is under their noses, and the denouement - like a punch in the
Happened to my sister, she was in her 20s and was preparing to get married, and he had a colleague 'they just worked together' until they were married. Under her nose. But genuinely, she did not see it, I did not see it, my parents did not see it and his parents did not see it.

That dude is full of shit.

You don't trust him and you're talking about a 22 year old as if she has no agency or mind of her own. Does he have a massive golden cock or something? Why are you with him? Why would she bother being at 22 (and attractive)? Are you worried the job he's given her is actually as a prostitute?

In kindness, I would say so 💐

If you feel an untrustworthy, strange man is better than no man.

Surely this, of all jobs, is one that can be carried out remotely on a daily basis!
There’s so much that’s wrong in this situation, personally I wouldn’t believe a word he says about, well, about pretty much anything in this scenario.
You’d be better off without him.

Nope this is off , get rid of him!

The bottom line here is you don't trust him. It's sounds like you are right not to trust him but even if you were wrong, without trust there is no happy future for you. You should end this now. Stop allowing him to string you along.

You say that there are no trustworthy men out there. That's just bollocks but even if it were true, surely it's better to be single than clinging onto a deluded cheat who doesn't respect you.

It seems to me that you have everything you need. You donot need a man that lies and takes a younger women away for weeks. Honestly what do you think he is going to do while he is away with her.
He is most probley doing stuff with her at his home too.
Please get rid of this selfish arse and start loving your self. You don't need a man to be a whole person. Especially not this man!.

In fairness this is what my DH used to do and it did have travel sometimes, but maybe once a year and always for a specific project, for example to Dubai for a retail launch that used smart tech he was developing, or to Orlando for the launch of a digital product tied to one of the theme parks, or to Germany to meet with a food and drink company they were building an online platform for, and these trips were as part of a big team and for 2-5 days.

I think the trips are a red herring though - he lies, he gaslights, he doesn’t let you into his life, and he clearly has poor judgement - what is it that you think is worth it in this relationship?

He's using these trips as a tax-deductible holiday. There's zero chance of any new web design work arising from them. On the plus side there's also zero chance of a 22 year old woman wanting to sleep with a failed 40-something web designer.

Did he want to move in with you? How can he afford all these trips? Him just going on the trip doesn’t seem worthwhile for the business never mind paying for someone else.

What are his good points? I’ve not heard one yet

So why are you still with him? He sees this woman daily. If he's going to carry on with her, he will. The destination doesn't matter.

This is why PPs have said that it isn’t a relationship they’d want (regardless of the travel).

You’ve said: he’s lied and gaslighted you. He doesn’t tell you what he’s doing or where he’s going or when he’ll be back. He’s selfish any has double standards.

Does that really sound better than being single???

Being single means not having to be affected by that kind of behaviour. If wanting a relationship, being single means being open to one.

I just put an update above. I don’t trust him tbh he’s lied and gaslit a lot in the past, especially about trips. He’s secretive about his life and withholds a lot of information.
So what's the point in this relationship?
Put it in the bin.

OMG, this gets worse.

He sounds like a conman or a budding cocklodger.

I can’t imagine anyone starting a web design business now. That would be stupid.

So I suspect it’s just a cover for something much more nefarious. Drugs, arms, baby trafficking …

You don’t want to be associated with this fool when Interpol finally notices him. Maybe they have already.

It does all sound a bit first draft of a Radio 4 afternoon drama …

He is secretive and possibly lies to you? You don't need this. You deserve so much more. Would you want either of your kids to end up with someone like this? Dump him and move on. He sounds awful. Honesty is fundamental in a relationship. You sound lovely! Get rid of this waste of space man baby.

So be single.

The options aren’t be with someone decent vs not decent.

There is the other option of being single.

Plus he’s not a trustworthy decent man anyway.

God, dump him op. He sounds useless and a bit of a potential sleazeball.

No one who has a struggling business, would spend money on travel for months at a time speculatively scope out clients who aren't paying him a penny yet, and also paying for a second employees expenses to come along.. unless they were a complete absolute idiot.. or lying.

Jesus! That is not a reason to choose a non decent untrustworthy one!

Thats your issue right there.

Not the fact he is going away with a young woman or that he is going away for a few weeks.
Both of those would have been quite normal for me at some point in my career..

I’m sure you can also find holes in his story re working at home with her or the needing to travel.
But the really important thing is that he has form for lying, gaslightimg and is being secretive

Just to answer a question that keeps coming up…why am I still with him.

Hes very good with grand gestures and making himself look fantastic to others. When I have questioned some of his behaviour with friends/family I get told he’s ’one of the good ones’ for context (due to several past traumas) I am absolutely crap at accepting that my feelings might be valid and end up chastising myself for feeling like that. Hence the Mumsnet post!

He has got a lot of failed past relationships and marriages behind him. I guess that should have been a red flag in itself. Oh and none of the break downs were his fault of course.