Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

Wake up!

@cheeseandhamtoastie42 - you don’t have to answer but have you asked yourself why you stay with him?

From what you say, he’s not a partner in any meaningful sense. Honestly, he lies to you and gaslights you; he keeps you out of his life; he takes loads of trips abroad without inviting you; he works with a much younger woman in his house (and loads of people could do with a favour workwise but he’s doing it for a much younger woman - funny that); he’s taking the much younger woman on an overseas trip (probably at least hoping to see her in swimwear); the trips are unnecessary and a huge waste of money. He’s treating you as completely unimportant and as if he thinks you’re stupid, OP.

Yeah I need to!

And you accept this, why?

You can’t develop a healthy, mutually fulfilling relationship with someone worthy of you while you cling to this,whatever it is.

its also so much better to be in NO relationship than one where you accept being less than

@cheeseandhamtoastie42 Even without this latest trip hes talking you for a fool.
I'd drop him like a shitty stick.

Why are you with a man you don't trust?

He sounds as dodgy as fuck.
How long have you been together?

This could be yet another reason his business isn't successful!

He goes on unnecessary trips he can't afford, that doesn't actually lead to sales, and uses half the time for a holiday.

He hires staff he doesn't need and can't afford.

He's in a business that's been shrinking for years.

Yes, I would be concerned about the 22 year old (if I were her mother, I'd be even more worried). I'd be even more concerned about his total lack of business acumen. You would not be unreasonable to have a discussion about the need for him to have an employee at all, let alone business trips that don't result in business. I'd say it's time he got a real job. Don't even contemplate moving in with him.

It doesn’t sound like he runs it well either. It depends if you want to run a business well or go on lots of holidays and take your 22 year old assistant. This is a big nopity nopity nope for me, time to move on.

How often do you see him? Does he add anything to your life? If his business isn’t doing well, how is he employing so many staff. If his business isn’t doing well, how can he justify spending 50% of the time sightseeing? If he’s a web designer why is he not holding meetings with customers over teams? With the character traits you have described, why are you still with him?

This whole thing sounds weird af

The trustworthy ‘decent’ men are all taken at this age.

I think I might even fell the need to pop in (presumably you can pop in to your BF's house?) and check she's OK.

She's probably taken what sounded like an amazing job with all this travel, needs a job in a very difficult work climate especially for young people, and now finds herself with this weird creepy boss.

I'd forget about your relationship with him, but check on her as you leave.

The family are incredibly grateful to him apparently!

Oh no. Please don't accept that for yourself. The only be to be happy in life is to know you're fine without a man, and for them to know that too! Then you'll be amazed what happens.

Darling, no man is better than a man who is a liar, gaslighter, possible cheat and all round fucking moron ❤️

Don’t know any Webdesigners who Travel - most seem to be working remotely anyway. The joy of the internet and all that. If this were me, I’d be leaving him. He sounds financially unstable and his previous gaslighting and lying wouldn’t go down well with me.

You don’t say much about your personal situation (kids/financial ties) but it sounds like you’re quite independent. I’d distance myself significantly and would be wary of shagging him after that trip. Throw this one back!

Yeah I know. I need to sort my shit out don’t I.

Please don’t settle for a bastard. Your future will be monumentally miserable. Believe it or not you are better off alone. Ask a million women who have gone before you.

I've employed web designers for several different companies over my career. I've never met one in person. One was based in South Africa. Afaik he never left the country on business.

Yes I own my own house, own my own business, and also do paid work for a local charity. 2 kids, 50/50 with their dad.

He was very pushy at the start for us to move in together. I’m very glad I didn’t, and never would.

I had a web design company a few years ago myself, you really do not need long trips abroad, it's a bit weird. You also don't need someone working at your house every day, that is super weird.
Unless he is training her, at her age maybe she is his apprentice, that's ok, but still, you can do this remotely. I have had apprentices I never met in person.
If he isn't having an affair I would say he is keeping her around for eye candy and to make cups of tea and to feel all boss like.
I worked in a record company with me and just one older man who owned it when I was about 20, I was there for the experience which I needed, but I knew 100 percent I was eye candy and one day he pinched my arse in the office and I stormed out. He then apologised, a year later he went in for the lunge after some 'after work drinks' and tried to kiss me. He also took me to a clients house, which was a huge estate with hot tubs dotted around the grounds and him and the client told me all about the sex parties that they have there, and then I got the invitation.
Anyway, from my side, I absolutely did not do anything or lead him on, or go anywhere near him sexually, but I knew he did fancy me and he was having an affair in his mind. But he paid me really well and I needed the experience so I stayed and got what I needed from it.

is his cock made of gold or something? Because I'm really struggling to see the appeal here. He's a Peter Pan bullshit merchant, happy to exploit pretty much anyone it would seem and his pretendy business is not a business, it's becoming a hobby. The absolutely last ppl who need regular international trips are web designers! It's the definition of a job that can be done from home

you do not need a man like this OP.

So you've got yourself the upgrade, the lying, gas lighting, secretive version.

There's plenty of single men who can tell the truth. There's also being single which is fine too. Why not aim for better than this situation?

No it’s tiny actually