Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

Why are you with him if he’s a liar gaslighter and secretive. Are you that desperate for a relationship? Raise your standards and do better x

This

Web designers don’t need to travel, and no business will even entertain talking to a random man who appears at their office saying, “hi, I’m a web designer looking for work.” He’s acting like a salesman from the 90s. That’s just not how it’s done.

He’s either lying about what he does, or he is just really really bad at it. I think the latter. Is he very old? Thinks this is how business is still done? No wonder he doesn’t have many clients if he thinks he can get them by knocking on doors.

It’s ridiculous I know and I have questioned him on it previously when he was stressing about income. Which he does on a regular basis. None of it makes sense, but then again he’s not a very honest person.

Seriously?! You described him as someone who lies and gaslights you and is secretive and keeps you in the dark about details of his life, which he compartmentalises.

And you wonder why women are reading your thread and thinking, ‘there’s no way I’d touch her Nigel with a barge pole’.

Btw, All of the traits you described, being good at compartmentalising, lying, gaslighting, secrecy, all of these are traits serial cheats need.

I'm also a web designer. Our CEO has been on long distance visits to large clients (I'm talking six figure value clients). He doesn't design, he mostly sells and manages relationships. There isn't any reason for him to bring a designer along, we have remote calls for that. His trips are never more than 10 days. What is the woman's role in the business?

This sounds completely nuts. Web designers dont need to go abroad for work - they talk to clients online. I would give a wide berth to one who turned up to a client meeting with his completely unnecessary attractive assistant.

Definitely. Honestly OP if you don't live together or have children it's just not worth the angst, bin him and have a bit of lovely peace.

Well it’s obviously a jolly not a work focused trip. I bet he can’t believe his luck. Poor 22 year old.

Mid 40s and describes himself as being really good either way people. Think there’s a part of him that is convinced that if people meet him they’ll immediately want his business.

Hes already been on loads of these trips previously and they’ve come to nothing. He’s been out of pocket tbh from the trip itself.

i think its just an excuse to get away.

I'm obviously not that poster but this...

I don’t trust him tbh he’s lied and gaslit a lot in the past, especially about trips. He’s secretive about his life and withholds a lot of information

would be a good start.

And there's this...

None of it makes sense, but then again he’s not a very honest person.

This is an extremely weird setup. He is u reasonable if he doesn’t understand your concerns.

Will they have separate hotel rooms?

I went on a business trip with my boss when I was 29 and he was 43. We sat next to each other in a 2 -seat business aisle to New York and it made me uncomfortable, even though he was married and a lovely guy, no question of him trying anything on.

Just to say that sometimes even if there is nothing going on the optics are uncomfortable and if your husband won’t acknowledge that and reassure you it is a red flag.

Web design is an industry that’s being eaten up by AI. If that’s the ‘entire’ of offering then not much of a future there.

marketing is mainly by word of mouth, client satisfaction, linked in etc.
in person is rare unless at industry events.
3 weeks is definitely a bit much!

does not stack up!!

If you don't trust him and he's lied to you before, I would assume the worst. Time to move on, he doesn't sound very nice anyway.

It’s fine to prioritise travel many do

But if you are self-employed, employing others and business has slowed, surely any reasonable adult would cut business travel costs to essential and not waste a chunk doing personal travel as well.

He will be living off you in 12 months @cheeseandhamtoastie42 bemoaning that the world just doesn’t understand his brilliance and the bright young thing will have moved on.

Just be careful.

I would like to think that a 22 year old would find her 43 yr old boss a gross option for romance regardless of his ideas.

Really helpful hearing from other web designers on here so thank you.

I think it's probably time to end the relationship and I think you know that deep down.
A 3 week long haul with a young woman half his age sends out so many red flags.
At the very least you should meet this woman and see for yourself, as women we normally have great intuition and will know straight away if she's hitting on your partner, perhaps the 3 of you go for drinks and see their interactions with each other ?
But tbh if your partner hasn't spoken or introduced you to this woman prior to a 3 week trip 'holiday' then that says everything you need to know I think.
Good luck, he doesn't deserve you.

I wouldn’t care/ feel jealous if my dh went in these circumstances. But I trust him. Moreso I trust myself more. So if he did cheat he’d be gone (which he knows) and I’d be fine without him (which he also knows). He’s also not a very good liar and has never given me any reason not to trust him.

So you with him because....?

It sounds miserable for you. Even on the off chance that there's nothing intoward with this arrangement, it's making you unhappy.

I keep telling him this and offering to do marketing for him, he’s weirdly dismissive of my suggestions and thinks trips abroad are the only way of getting clients.

Either the young woman he's working with has her eyes on him, or she's dreading the trip.

The whole thing sounds less and less like a properly planned and costed business trip, and more and more like a holiday. And if it's a holiday, why is he taking his young assistant instead of you? How would he answer that?

Do you get anything positive from this relationship? He sounds utterly dreadful as he's untrustworthy, dishonest, emotionally abusive and selfish plus very bad at business.

His 'work trips' with his very young assistant sound dodgy as fuck. If I were you, I'd bin him.

Reviewing the facts
She's attractive and half his age, just the 2 of them working from his house and going away on a long trip.... Bet he's loving that! Would he have done the same with a male graduate?
And Nah, no way a 22 yr old woman would take a job like that and feel comfortable - unless very desperate for money or something more going on between them.

This.

If the business is struggling, and he needs to visit potential clients IRL (unclear why) why would he pay for flights and accommodation for her?

And how do you know she’s attractive if you’ve never met her? Are you sure she exists?

Whole thing sounds suss.

And not only is he untrustworthy from what you described, but he NEVER takes you on holidays and keeps you away from his life. While swanning away with some assistant. And complaining he's not making money. Very stupid to spend thousands on 'work trips' abroad then.