Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

That's great news, OP! Onwards and upwards from now on. (Also - have you read "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood? I think it may have some interesting insights for you).

Yes OP!

Thanks for the recommendation. I’ve also joined burnt haystacks as a pp recommended that too.

He's leading a double life in my opinion! So many red flags. Any man who lies and gaslight you needs binning asap. You're worth much more than this.

in that case hes not a long term bet. dont worry about his trip, you find yourself another man who is worth having.

YAY 🎉🎉🎉

I promise you won’t regret it. Come back here if you find yourself wobbling. 💐

Agree with this. I travel for work and three weeks is unusually long tbh. What work has he got booked in for three weeks?

Absolutely none! He’s a website developer, no actual clients in this country. Lots of web designers have commented on here saying how unusual it is to travel in this profession.

He sounds awful. I recommend the freedom program for trying to get your head around why you (as in people) think abusive relationships are ok. I found it beneficial

Well if you don't trust him what's the point in being together? I wouldn't trust him either from what you've said, he won't let you into his life and has a history of gaslighting? Give it up as a bad job

which in no way suggests that the young woman wants to be having sex with some middle aged men with partner at home

If you don't mind the opinion from a man who has travelled extensively on work trips (engineering and construction). It is reasonable for you to feel uncomfortable, not only because of the long trip, but also due to other things you have mentioned. Seems there is not a lot of trust in your relationship.

I'm an 85 y/o grandparent who has learned a few things in my lifetime.

you don't live together, assume no kids together, he's lied and gaslit you previously, goes on regular foreign holidays for "work" despite the business not doing so well and never invites you.

do you realise you don't need permission to dump him?
and it's ok to be single?

Then why are you with him?. Have some self respect and don't let him treat you this way.

Why don’t you just drop round to his house. You just happened to be passing - won’t stay long - and look at his assistant. Ask if there’s anything they need for the trip and watch the young assistants response. Ask what the arrangements are for enquiries. Who is keeping an eye on expensive technology in the house. You’re ending it with him anyway so if he’s annoyed so what?

My ex-BIL was always away on work trips. It was a cover for cheating.

It sounds like he's offered a grateful 22 year old a job, and now he's taking her away so he can try it on.

Not only cheating, but borderline Harvey Weinstein. 😫

This isn’t good-without the extended business trip with his employee.

What country is he planning on going to? I have no idea about web design at all but I’m curious where he thinks he’s going to magic up all this business!

So why the fuck are you with him then OP ??
He lies & is secretive about his life 🙄.
How long you with him ?, weird you’ve never met this girl before when you’ve been around at his ?

OP he sounds dreadful! Red flags all over the place.

My ex also kept me separate - totally - for three years. Nothing on socials and no mixed socialising. My friends were screaming at me at me to wake up. It took me to rock bottom to realise he was the cause of the anxiety and the issues I was facing. It’s two years on and I am still impacted by his actions. Please don’t be me.

Also, I work in that field across several different territories. The digital licensing, imaging, legal and data requirements are particular to each country and there is no way in hell unless you are an extremely established international agency that you would get work from doing a trip like this. Even then you wouldn’t do it, unless it was to attend an international trade show. And at those you are contingent upon personal introductions to even stand a chance of winning work, which generally comes after a drawn out process.

The insurance would be massive - I’ve just had to increase ours to include another country, and take on resource in that region to ensure we are legally compliant for that client.

It stinks more than three day old fish, as does his reaction to being questioned.

Why on earth are you with someone who is all the things you e said! As for becusse ll the trustworthy decent men are taken? Crap. Even if that was true being alone is better. But you do you.

He’s secretive about his life and withholds a lot of information.

free yourself from that malarky, who wants to live with that going on. Let alone now a female employee suddenly appearing on the scene and he is off on a long haul business trip and likes to do a few days of sight seeing whist away

Really helpful to know thank you! I’m sorry you went through that with your ex. It sounds like you have fantastic friends though ♥️ well done for getting out.

Yeah. Take it from a guy. You are being played. Never invites you. You don’t know his staff. Goes away a lot. Very secretive. Yeah you are definitely being played

I’m not going to be with him much longer thanks to this thread. I’m actually looking forward to being single tbh.