Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

Sadly this really.

The next development in your relationship, as bankruptcy comes closer, is a need for money. Yours.

Charm onto max and the subtle requests will follow. Possibly accompanied with bits of emotional blackmail)

He’s done charm before - and you’ve fallen for it.

If this is real the only reason this man is keeping the OP on tap is as a safety net.

So though apparently on the verge of bankruptcy, and therefore the prospect that he can’t support his own Dd at Uni, he insists on taking an attractive 22 yo on an expensive 3 week trip as a ‘favour’ to her?

He’s sleazy.

What are you going to do, @cheeseandhamtoastie42 ?

You don’t need his permission to end the relationship, you don’t need to discuss your reasons, you don’t need to justify yourself to him.

Anything is not better than nothing. Especially as you've already got as good as nothing. You seem to feel that you have a partner (hopefully your eyes are being opened that point), and I suspect that is preventing you from looking elsewhere. You don't need to make any big announcements in your own life, just fade him out. Then you will be free to just relax and see what, and who, comes your way. Once you are open to the possibilities, who knows? Currently your very best outcome with this man is stagnation, and what is the point of that?

And the worst outcome is being arrested as an accessory to whatever scam or illegality he’s really involved in.

Or being shot in the face by people he owes money to.

@cheeseandhamtoastie42 problem here lovely is you think you have a DP - to him you are someone he knows and likes in the background if there’s nothing more inviting on the horizon - he must think you are an idiot too not to have an issue with this when clearly he just keeps escaping as he’s a bit of a career failure - are you sure he’s not a dealer or a pimp or something dodgy ? Keeps you distant, appears to have cash you don’t know from where, has young girl hanging around? You sound lovely , he doesn’t

You’re saying he’s dishonest, is a gaslighter, has lied in the past, is deliberately vague/withholds information and has double standards when it comes to your behaviour. Yet youre confused why we’re questioning why you’re with him.

he sounds like a absolute screaming red flag

I’m usually quite relaxed but this is suss as fuck.
working from his home is super weird, either she will feel uncomfortable about this and unable to say anything due to the power imbalance, or she’s sleeping with him. Possibly both. Is he paying her ? I’m confused if he can afford to pay her and other employees but not rent a work space ?
I too know many web designers and trips abroad for f2f bd isn’t a thing in this industry. The whole industry operates online fgs.
Ask him who he’s meeting, which companies., are they warm leads or cold, where he’s staying, what the assistant does. If he can’t answer honestly then ditch him.

Well I think you should split up, he obviously needs to devote all his energy into his (failing) business and you need to get on with your life.

Yes.

What country is he going to, OP?

My friend took her Dd to the airport to meet her Dad off a plane with plans to celebrate her 16th birthday.

Only for her Dd to witness her (smart, middle class, professional but flaky / fantasist) Dad being grabbed by police and taken into custody. Smuggling liquid cocaine in fake Duty Free bottles. In prison until her 21st birthday.

Can we write you a dumping note? Or will you just send him a link to this thread?

The more updates I read, the more I’m convinced he just sees you as his fuckbuddy. Please get rid of this loser. You won’t regret it.

"Hi Ex2B, This is to let you know that I am ending our relationship. I have been thinking long and hard and one way and another after 4 years this is not a relationship that reflects what I want for my life or future. Not sure how you will feel about this, but it isn't up for discussion. I wish you luck and hope all goes well for you, HamAndCheese"

Any sign of hostility, telling you you are wrong etc, reply " I daresay we each have our own views" and block.

I think fuckbuddy and he’s probably got some kind of dodgy business going on too , hence all the secrecy and travelling but seemingly with no money - web design I feel is his ‘cover’

It is possible that a habitually dishonest fantastist walked out of his highly paying job to pursue an uncertain career as a web designer. But it is more likely that he was a dishonest fantastist in his working life as well as his home life, they found out and he was slung out. And that there is only one responsbile adult in his life who still thinks she should believe his tall tales and that's you.

Yup.

Some women, not many. Features such as a receding hairline wasn't an attractive feature in your early 20s, well it wasn't for me anyway. Now it's fine..

Of course there are age gap relationships, just not very common..

@cheeseandhamtoastie42 Literally zero reassurance, makes me feel like an arsehole for even feeling like that tbh

They're great at this: invalidating your feelings so they don’t have to get uncomfortable owning up to their bad behaviour. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but there is a way out x

OP, have you any idea how this reads?
God love you but you really haven't a scrap of self esteem.
He has been completely determined to keep you away from those that know him best for 4 years?
That's really all you think you deserve.
To be some user loser, liar's dirty little secret?

This is such a sad thread.
What happened in your life to convince you this is all you deserve in life?

‘HI fuckface, I’ve been thinking about our relationship and it’s not working for me so this is goodbye. Enjoy your trip’. Then block. He sounds horrible and not worth another second of your time or thoughts.

Think of that question people get asked in interviews sometimes:

”Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?”

Do you want more of the same with this guy, or would you like to be open to new relationships and experiences without your headspace being taken up by all his shenanigans?

A very dysfunctional and toxic family then 20 years in an abusive marriage!

Ha ha the thought has already crossed my mind!

I’m ghosting the absolute fuck out of him right now. Then I’m going to end it.