Hi OP, I think it’s good you posted on here as it sounds like getting other perspectives on this has been helpful in trying to make sense of both the weird work situation and a chance to evaluate the relationship.
Only you truly know if he’s a keeper and whether you can trust him. He could be up to no good and you will have absolutely dodged a bullet in exiting now, but on the other hand his actions and behaviours may be bourne out of stress and inadequacy re his business and trying to keep it afloat. He may be panicking if the ground is disappearing from under his feet and he is facing failure, redundancy (bankruptcy?), mounting debts, lost home, losing you his gf. Total life implosion basically.
If it’s ok I’d like to suggest a best and worst case scenario here. Firstly in a best case scenario (and I mean the absence of nefarious motivations) there is no romantic interest or involvement with the young employee and it is just a work employee relationship. Your bf (in his head at least) may believe he needs this trip to try and rescue his business and pull it back from the brink. Secure contacts, revenue streams etc and save it from folding. In his shoes in this case, and particularly as you mention a string of failed relationships, marriages and trauma this man will already have a failure complex. High stress can impair rational decision making. Desperate, scared as sh*t people don’t make the best rational decisions and can act in odd ways. From what you’ve described he could be acting out of desperation. Even employing someone when he has no means to afford them if the business is struggling sounds like an act of desperation. Clutching at straws and not good business sense - irrational. Web designers have inputted on here that overseas trips are totally unnecessary and door knocking does not work so he’s not got his head in the game. If this is the case (with everything above board re the work employee dynamic) he is probably stressed out of his head at the prospect of losing his business (which he is making poor decisions about) and losing you too. Simultaneously failing at another relationship and losing his job, home etc.
You mention his lack of communication with you and some people can be really prone to bottling. It can be down to personality trait or bottling as a stress response and in my experience I’ve found the usual reasons for bottling are a) can’t handle the situation emotionally (overwhelm), b) don’t want to saddle partner with the worry so ‘keep things to themselves’ as a perceived protective measure, c) don’t want to lose face with their partner. This extends outwards to family, partner’s family, friends, professionally etc. He may be heading for a breakdown and not talking to you is a (crap) coping mechanism. In this scenario he may be scared to talk to you about it fearing you will dump him and then he will alone as his life and business implodes. Shutting out a loving supportive partner can a red flag preceding mental breakdown. He probably hasn’t twigged the damage this is all causing you and your relationship. In his head he may be trying to ‘shield’ you from the stress of the situation. It may be why he wants to get away, to detach and escape, it doesn’t help but desperate people can detach themselves in high stress and retreat into escapism.
Sorry that was rather long! But when you start to look at the pieces and take the information you described and give your partner the benefit of doubt (re: being involved with his employee) it could be a case of the ship going down and he’s in panic mode.
Worst case scenario he’s cheating and/or intending to cheat. Imo they may as well be one and the same. I don’t need to re state the plentiful advice on here in this case if this is what’s happening. It’s great your life is good and independent outside of the relationship, you sound very kind and strong 💪
In your shoes I would want to talk to him before he goes away and assess. 3 weeks radio silence would be awful for your mental health! As tempting as it is, I wouldn’t lead with the whole suspicions on the the employee and his possible motivations, as inappropriate as it is to go away on a solo with her(!). As hard as it is I would try and give him the benefit of the doubt first and see if you can get him to open up about what’s is going on. If he is bottling/ not coping try leading with you are concerned and want to understand what’s going on with him and lack of communication is not healthy for your relationship. See what you get back and let us know how you get on lovely, there will be support for you on here whatever the outcome 🌸 *edit for typos