Partner going away with attractive 22 year old girl. Is it a bit weird or am I just being jealous/insecure.

[cheeseandhamtoastie42]

Just that really! For context he’s 43, and self employed so it’s a work trip that he’s organised himself. It’s long haul and they will be away for a few weeks. She works for him at his house everyday mon-Fri, they are set up in his dining room. Desks next to eachother. We don’t live together.

The whole thing is making me feel a bit weird but I’m not sure why! I know if I try to talk to him about it it will just go round in circles and will just result in me feeling like a terrible person/jealous insecure girlfriend. He sees the trip as essential to the business, I don’t want to be accused of being unsupportive as I do support him massively.

just wondered how others would potentially feel about this situation? Am I being an absolute areshole girlfriend?

But it is not going away is it. He is going to have to reinvent his skills. Ask the Luddites.

I would find him tiresome in terms of his lack of enterprise. Then there are all the negatives you have discussed.

When he comes back I would tell him that you have been so much happier alone and walk away. No point accusing him of being unfaithful because that only prolongs the process of LTB

No, why should it be an issue? A 22 year old woman has the same right to work and attend work trips as a 40 year old man. Is it POSSIBLE he could have an affair with her? Yes, but it is also possible he could have an affair with a 40 year old man, even if he's always said he's not bi.
You either trust someone, or you don't. I used to get really sick of jealous wives at my first workplace-it was mainly men, and sometimes I was on shift/trips with just a man. I enjoyed working with the men and was good friends with many of them, but the odd time, their wives could be horrible to me. Ironically, they were the ones who whined about any sexist jokes on TV, yet they made nasty comments suggesting if I was friendly/happy to be alone with men, I must be a tart.

It just does not make sense. You say his business is struggling so how can he even afford this jolly, other web designers have said you don't get more work going away, it's obviously one of the jobs one can do from home.
He's taking this poor 22yr old away under the guise of business and being some kind of successful mentor and he isn't.
Bin him op.

It might be something it might not

but it sounds like he is a bit of a fantasist with his unviable job set up, the unnecessary “business trips”

our MD is a bit like that, he loves going to conferences and business trips ideally with the most attractive female in the team. Never had an affair as the feedbacks would run a mile (😁) but it is always 25yr old Daisy or Laura who get asked (or even my old self if they are not available) and never ever Les or Dave , both blokes in their 60s)

it is an ego thing and some men just love being the boss of a younger more attractive female , to hold forth and be oh so knowledgeable and mentor her whilst she looks up to him in admiration (bleugh)

honestly. some men just like being “the big man” and would be open to an affair but even without that just loving being the big man and back in that…

bit pathetic really but really really common

You know who does cold calls in person to drum up business?

Scammers.

He is definitely not being loyal to you and you should be worried about this new employee, none of these trips for a failing business is making sense especially the time he spends with her all of a sudden

Not sure why you’d even bother to ask…..An “I think this has run its course, have a nice life” would be a much more satisfying conclusion!

From previous behaviour that you mentioned, its unlikely to be the truth. It doesn't sound like he treats you very well normarily OP. Think you might be better off out of this one.

You’ve summed him up there, he is a massive fantasist. He only ever sees the best case scenario in everything which of course doesn’t always happen. He then falls apart when things don’t go according to plan and it’s me that picks up the pieces.

@cheeseandhamtoastie42 ‘its you who picks up the pieces’….for how much longer?
Theres is nothing for you in this not-a-proper-relationship yet you still persist. What does he add to your life? Does he make you feel good about yourself? Do you enjoy the stress and anxiety that he causes you? You’ve already said that you’d advise a friend in the same situation to run, yet here you are…still in the loop. Start a fresh new life today without this absolute tosser.

He’s adamant that the companies he approaches will want him to do a website for them. This is his 4th trip this year, none of them have come to anything. Maybe one or two jobs but they wouldn’t even have covered the cost of the trips. It just doesn’t add up!

OMG OP, just block the wanker.

He sounds like an idiot and a massive waste of your time honestly. Well done for not moving in with him. It would be easier to split now rather than after he goes bankrupt, when there’s a danger you might feel obliged to stick around listening to him complain about his self inflicted problems because you feel sorry for him.

You will end up hating him if you don’t dump him soon.

It adds up fine. His hobby job that doesn't support him supports a 22 year old and is an excuse to take said 22 year old traveling.

You just don't want to see that because any bullshit dude with a tiny penis who lies and gaslights you is better than being single.

Web designers simply do not do in person cold calls. It just isn't a thing, that isn't how business is done.

Whether or not he's having sex with his employee, he's a man who enjoys the pretense of being powerful and successful without doing the work to get there. He clearly isn't a good businessman. Isn't that enough for you do get shot of this loser?

He's playing Billy Big Bollix to her whilst he keeps you strung along.

"It doesn't add up"???? For goodness sake he's a known liar and bullshitter, of course it doesn't.

Remind me why you're with him and his tiny penis?

You're worth more, think it's time to end this relationship and find a man that appreciates you.

Wonder the 22 yr old family and friends think she's going on a 3 week jolly with a man old enough to be her dad!! I know my hubby wouldn't be happy if it was our daughter!

Why on earth are you with him?

EDIT: Just seen you’ve answered this question. Although frankly it doesn’t really seem like an explanation when he’s obviously a twat.

If this was a post that you were reading, what would be your advice to them? Then take your own advice.

This is as sus as all fuck. I can maybe picture circumstances in which it might not be, but based on your description of his character, I think he has ulterior motives, and I feel sorry for the poor girl. A few weeks away presumably staying in hotels (and let's pray it's in separate rooms) and you've never met her? It seems like an incredibly expensive and inefficient was of drumming up business.

The fact he is being cagey about the arrangements and you have never met her gives more red flags than a May Day Parade.

It's really sad when intelligent, successful, independent women have to have some rubbish bloke weighing them down.

I'm sure it's self sabotage.

You think people will think less of you for not having a man. Really, people will think less of you for accepting such a man.

Even if the business was viable and the 22 year old was the best person for the job, there is absolutely no reason for her to be working from his house. She should be working remotely from her own kitchen table, not his. This is about his ego. It wouldn't be unreasonable to be concerned for the welfare of this young woman.

A few posters have said this and tbh I hadn’t actually thought of that. If I mentioned it he’ll say she needs to be at his to show her what to do. Loads of people start new jobs/roles/degrees online though!

I agree. It must be some sort of internalised misogyny that makes women feel worthless unless they're with a man, ANY man.

@cheeseandhamtoastie42 come on op. You know what to do. I wouldn't be wasting my time arguing with him about his business decisions. What if he does file for bankruptcy and he turns to you for help? would you help him? Now is the time to end the relationship, otherwise you won't be able to stand and watch him fail without feeling like you must do something to help like lending money etc.