Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

I think all things considered a single man living in a city with no dependents is able to more spontaneous than a single parent with minor children.

Unless OP is very lucky with childcare options it will be easier for him to arrange random days or nights out than her.

I don’t know what city they live in but I stayed in London without a car and it didn’t limit my social life at all.

Even the ones who had cars mostly used public transport and or Ubers!

I have done in the past and drove me mad ( no pun intended ) so I wouldn’t again . It’s a necessary life skill in my opinion so unless there’s a medical reason I would avoid .

Absolutely not

No, I haven't. Just because you say it is didn't make it true.

@UniquePinkSwanMy DH would not have entertained dating you. So you have found each other. I would never expect my dh to be a taxi service for me. I like my independence and being able to make my own decisions about where and when I go in my own car. Ditto for him. My DH would have found me boring and a bit needy. Obviously some men like that in a women.

Unless you both live in London and never have any plans to leave.

I have a car and can drive but don’t often because I have chosen to live in a really walkable city. But it would put me off a partner if they didn’t drive. I assume you will always be driving to his for instance…

My DH can't drive (medical reasons). He takes them to clubs, parties, dentist, opticians, dentist, doctors by walking- if under 2 miles, bus, train or taxi to wherever they need to go. He does the vast majority as I work- my daughter who is 6 is used to walking.... Just because he can't drive doesn't limit us.... If we go on holiday in the uk- we try and make it under 4 hours driving or we go by train (30min bus to large train station, 5 min walk to a small line into the city).... Yes sometimes I end up
driving him around- but I really don't see it as a big deal

I live in Aberdeenshire , and bus service is few and far between. Stops in the evening and fewer buses at weekends.

Driving, while not essential, does make life a lot easier & I generally enjoy driving; but it can be tiring and being expected to be the driver, or being the one that people beg lifts from, gets old very quickly.

So Op, it does depend on where you live, but if you are already feeling that it’s maybe an issue, then don’t waste his, or your time.

I’m in your shoes. I have to drive everywhere as poor DH is no longer allowed to drive and it’s a complete PITA. Particularly as DH keeps barking instructions like Windsor Davies suddenly became a driving instructor.

I can see her point. While I don’t have a car due to living in the centre of London, I CAN drive (although am extremely rusty) and if I was living outside London and was at the stage of life where I was going to have kids, I would certainly be driving around. Certain lifestyles lend themselves to not driving, like city living, but I think it’s very odd of someone his age who might be going to have kids to just refuse point-blank to drive and to say that they are NEVER going to learn. I wonder why. He must be scared of it.

Your friend’s daughter is silly to let things get so far and to mind about this now. He’s right - she did know all along.

Maybe they could decide to live somewhere with good transport links.

My husband chooses not to drive and it is really starting to grate. We live in London so he gets by, but every holiday, every trip to HIS parents, every supermarket shop, errand...it's starting to really get me down. If you're an area where you need to drive, I'd certainly think twice about him.

There's also the other factor - that does seem to be pretty exclusively affect women (unless there are a load of men like it, but who just aren't posting on MN) - whereby they are a driver and do have a licence and a car; but are so terrified of motorways, A-roads, big cities, busy junctions and the like, and thus obstinately avoid them, that practically speaking, they're only really a 'sort of driver'.

I even remember reading of one who wouldn't ever turn right, and planned her entire journey solely around where she could get with only driving straight on and turning left! If driving is seen as a standard part of 'adulting', I'm not sure people like this really 'qualify' in reality.

If by "can't be reached by public transport" you mean there is no bus which runs directly to the door every 15 minutes, then sure. However, I don't believe there are many (or any) places in the UK which don't have a train, bus, boat or coach stop within a 60-90 minute walk (or 30 min cycle). Which would be perfectly accessible for someone able and used to walking or cycling where they need to go.

It's a bit silly comparing ordinary folk with rich celebrities. Many of them - certainly the royals - can drive perfectly well, but just prefer to have somebody else taking on the hassle of driving, getting fuel, finding a parking space, having the car in the right place at the right time and then taking it away when it's not needed, being able to work/relax/sleep whilst travelling...

It's completely different when you specifically employ somebody to drive you around as their paid job, as opposed to just letting your spouse/partner take on all of the joint/family driving responsibilities by default, because you've decided that you just can't really be arsed.

Interestingly, this option is available to most of us non-celebs on a PAYG basis - with taxis - but an awful lot of non-drivers will automatically eschew taxis as 'far too expensive' for consideration and automatically expect a family member/friend to drive them around instead... even though, when you compare the all-in cost of an occasional taxi with all of the many costs of owning and running a car, it's not really expensive at all.

It's also important - for both the driver and the non-driver-by-choice in a relationship - to not just think of the circumstances now, but to think ahead about the future. It's all very well saying that yo can get the bus or it's only a 20 minute walk and good exercise or whatever, but what about when you get older and you have both less physical capacity and probably more healthcare appointments, so a car is no longer a luxury or unnecessary frippery, but has become an essential?

Thankfully, it's no longer the case on a wide scale; but we had several generations of women who never learned to drive, because their husbands did all of the driving for them both, so they decided that they didn't need to; "It's more of a man's thing" etc. Of course, women tend to live longer than men do, meaning that, when they were widowed, they suddenly found themselves adrift with no ready transport - just when they needed it most.

I have done and wouldn't again but I live in the country.

Reasons are important here. Would you end up being even more of a taxi service than you already are as a parent or would you be ok to let him get the bus, or whatever?

It could be a health thing, a lost licence thing, is he a big drinker, are his finances too tight?

The surface reason may not be THE reason x

I wouldn’t have kids with a man who couldn’t drive as it’s just incompatible with our family. I don’t like driving to new places, but I drive every day and it takes two of us to get the kids to their different sports/activities. Childcare is a driving distance and school walking.

No I wouldn't date a man who couldn't drive. My fil is like that and has spent his life scabbing lifts off everyone else and at times it's a total pain in the arse.

The two people I know who don’t drive had three dc together. Always blagging lifts. Didn’t own a child car seat! Ignored the need for one too. Used not having a car as an excuse to not see relatives and dc didn’t get taken anywhere. No sports or activities for them. Dc had a very very narrow life. One parent drank too much and not driving aided this.

I understand but I think you made an assumption about my post. I never said my reasons were exclusive to passing your test. I do think it's indicative, but I agree should be viewed in conjunction with further evidence.

You haven't described any scenario in which others haven't also achieved a licence alongside those same struggles - sad so many of us go through these difficulties.

Ultimately, it will just boil down to practicality for me and many others. If someone has reached their 40s and still hasn't got their licence: I won't consider a serious relationship with them.

No. It’d be a complete turn off.

You don’t turn around at all?

Thank you for explaining that. I'll tell my parents and many other non-car friends that they've failed in life because some idiotic person says driving means capability.

I know several people who no longer drive but very few adults who are unable to drive. In a casual friend it would be OK in a partner or someone I spend a lot of time with it wouldn’t

No.

I'm single and sick of having to drive myself every fucking where all the time. I didn't learn to drive until my 30's so I'm well aware of public transport and how limiting that is unless you stick to cities and towns.

For those saying even rural areas have public transport - I'm in the busy SE and my village has one bus a week to the nearest town - which then returns an hour later. The nearest train station is a 50 minute walk mostly along unlit lanes with no pavement then a stretch on the grass verge of a dual carriageway. Or you can do a 40 min route using footpaths through fields and woods. Both okay in daylight but I'm not doing them in the dark.

I'd love to be able to share long drives. I'd love to be able to go out and have a drink sometimes.