Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

I’m married to one, for medical reasons. The problem is not that he doesn’t drive, rather than that means I have to drive and I hate it, it stresses me out so much and have no choice, when we go on a day out with our DC for me it’s another work day, so it depends on whether you like driving or not really!

Ah, you're just talking shit. Got it.

As you are well, well, aware there are literally hundreds of thousands places, and of course the list would be the length of an encyclopedia.

Mental.

I think this is it. And non drivers often do not understand the effort involved

Of course. I don't understand why people on here think that driving is some cornerstone of adulthood. It isn't.

It depends but probably would put me off. In your situation, I’m not sure your lifestyles are compatible if you are driving the kids everywhere and live 20 mins apart.

But even people who like driving do want to be able to have a few drinks and not drive - on their birthday say, or might feel ill or very tired or, so many reasons why they can't/don't want to drive that particular day.

I would definitively never choose a mate who cannot/will not drive. Absolutely not. However, of course if my husband could no longer drive, so be it. I'd deal with it. I wouldn't choose the extra duties and work, which being the only driver definitely involves. But if it was thrust upon me, I'd woman up.

Yet you’ve not actually named one single place?

come on just put a name on the screen for goodness sake!

This . It’s draining being the only driver and not especially safe . What if the driver had a medical emergency is the husband really going to wait for the number 123 bus . What if the driver was elsewhere on a work event and the kids had an emergency, how would he get them to the Dr or hospital because we all know how long an ambulance takes . Your daughters partners attitude stinks aswell , you knew what you were taking on ??
He’s not partner material .

Maybe they don't care about that. For some people the overnight stays are part of the holiday.

Actually, it very much is. As you've apparently just discovered :)

Deep rural Wales? The Scottish Highlands?

Hmm. It would be an issue where I live as not a lot of public traffic
Maybe have another date and see how logistics works. Does he ask for a lift to train/bus station. If yes... Nope. I wouldnt have another date

I've discovered no such thing.

I am refusing to answer them, because they're being ridiculous (and frankly mental) for even asking for a list of places. There are many thousands, almost certainly hundreds of thousands of places that can't be reached by public transport even in the UK, which is after all a small island. They're being deeply disingenuous.

Of course you have :) Oh well, we all live and learn.

Nope, it's definitely absolutely not. Never.

No need for the middle ground fallacy, most just couldn't be arsed taking on the extra work. Although, as stated, if it happened now that my husband could not drive any more of course I'd take on the large amount of extra work. I wouldn't choose it at the start of a relationship though - like most of us. Reasons don't actually matter at the start of a relationship, all that matters is "can you be bothered with the large amount of extra hassle and work this will cause you on an ongoing basis". The answer, for most, is no.

You could, however, be arsed, are in the minority, and made your own choice.

No problem then.

It sounds like your lifestyles are different and that’s a bigger potential issue. You’re going about doing the school run or after school club drop offs. This man has no kids and is probably having the city bachelor experience involving a relaxed walk (or hurried run 😂) to the train or bus station for work and social events.

Personally it doesn’t sound like a great match based on that and the fact you have reservations about him being a non-driver. And honestly as a single childfree man living in a city - if he’s anything like most men I know - he will likely be wondering if your lifestyle of having dependent kids to run around after suits him also.

When I was single and living in London I wouldn’t have dated a single father driving his kids around every day. To be clear I have respect for men and women raising kids alone and who are active and engaged with their kids (as they should!) but I would not have dated a man with kids period. I’d have seen it as entirely incompatible with the very social and work focused life in the city I had.

A second date isn’t a big commitment but if you do go neither of you should feel bad if you decide to cool it off after that.

TrawsCymru & fflecsi covers rural Wales, Sherpa'r Wyddfa covers noon and walking areas
Highlands are also covered by bus and boats, though there are some boats not taking bookings

It wouldn’t bother me as long as he didn’t expect me to do lots of driving as I hate it.

I live somewhere with excellent public transport though.

No. Never ever ever. Public transport does not go everywhere at reasonable times of the day. They would also be boring - I like cars. They would have no spontaneity in terms of going out. Their world revolves around timetables. They don’t grab a picnic and pop it in the back of their car for a day in the country. I cannot comprehend my dh not driving and I’d wonder why they were such a wise of they won’t or cannot learn.

I didn’t ask for a list of places, I asked for a place

it might well be you that’s disingenuous because, whilst public transport is erratic and poor - it does cover a lot of places. The flexibus makes it even more widespread as they pick up from outside your house

My friend married someone who didn’t drive! They moved to the countryside. It was only 3 years after the move and when their DD was 1 that he passed his test

There will always be something. If it doesn’t mean you are always obliged to travel to him (the friend I referenced met and dated her DH when they were living in London). If I was always travelling to them as they can’t drive I would find it annoying

Not having a car is a sensible financial decision and good for the planet! If he lives somewhere with a lot of public transport, then it might make sense not to have a car. Also, you don’t know why he doesn’t have a car. Maybe he has epilepsy or something and doesn’t want to tell you yet.

I’m glad my DH wasn’t so strict about me not driving. Horrible attitude

That’s nothing to brag about, I’d be embarrassed.