Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

Yes, I have had boyfriends who didn't drive.

Maybe it's a London thing, but not driving really isn't an issue.

Would you find it odd if a man dated a women who didn't drive?

This is a good point thank you

Thank you it makes sense
we dont live in London but do live in a city! My kids are busy with clubs, im in my car every day multiple times, all my family drive. We meet up for walks / trips & days out. Therefore its alien to me that he doesnt drive
so how do i bring it up? And do i go on the second date? I feel crap as he seems lovely and is excited for the second date.

With judicious use of your mirrors and cameras, you often don't need to turn around much at all. When I got my first new-to-me (already 11yo!) car with parking cameras, I was instinctively turning my head like an owl, as I always had done; but I quickly realised that I was safer and better able to judge reverse-parking looking forward at a screen.

Yes, there are scenarios when you do still need to look, and you always have to pay full attention and have your wits about you; but just as you change lanes on the motorway using your mirrors, still also being able to look ahead, I find the same with parking/reversing now.

I don't drive, my partner does, I must be a terrible loser, shame on me. What a sad way you think.

Ridiculous, it's like saying I wouldn't date somebody who wears glasses,more to life than driving.

Yes, this is the most irritating: when people bear the full sense of entitlement that other people must automatically provide what they don't have, when it was entirely their own choice to never provide thenselves with it, as most other people do.

It's not the best analogy, but it's a bit like if you'd made the effort to go to Tesco for a couple of hours to do a huge shop for a fortnight and to fill your cupboards and freezer (and of course to pay for it all)... and then somebody who hasn't bothered to do any shopping, and has spent their money on luxuries instead, sees that YOU have bulging cupboards, so they see it that it's all good and you're both now all sorted - they just need to let you know what they need and when, and you can pop it over for them.

Strange attitude you have

Not for me. I would not fancy someone who refused to drive and left all the driving to me.

Im not talking about people who are unable to drive. Some people that live in cities manage perfectly fine on other modes of transport but out in the country not driving = a lift bummer

Wouldn't bother me at all. I am a terrible passenger and prefer to be in control drive.

Not at all. Lots of people throughout the thread have said that people who can't drive for medical reasons are completely different from those who just couldn't be bothered and were happy to leave it to others.

Not that it would have anything like the impact on other people as somebody choosing not to learn to drive but still expecting lifts all the time; but it would be more like saying that you wouldn't want to date a vain person with perfect eyesight and no optical health issues whatsoever, but who just thought they looked 'cool' wearing unnecessary glasses/sunglasses and thus refused to ever be seen without them.

I really don’t get why this would be an issue unless you lived remotely.

I didn’t learn to drive until I moved out of London.

When I am in London and I see the clogged up roads I wonder why anyone does drive. My relatives offer me a lift to the station or to whichever venue or house we are visiting and I say no, and jump on public transport. I can’t bear sitting in traffic on London roads. Life is to short. I never drive to London. I pop in and out on the train.

Basically if you live in a major city it isn’t a problem. If you live in parts of the country where public transport is scarce or getting to shops and towns centres takes a considerable amount of time then it is easier to drive.

Of course I would date a man that didn’t drive.

How extremely rude to call someone 'boring and needy' just because they don't drive. I also find this thread very hypocritical as Mumsnet is constantly berating people for buying things from Temu and for flying, but somehow if you don't drive everywhere you're a faulty adult.

I don't drive. I never have. I have my own personal reason for never learning that are nothing to do with not being bothered. It hasn't impacted my life or that of anyone else.
I don't expect lifts from people. Sometimes they offer and sometimes I accept but often I decline.
My husband does drive but I never expect him to drive me anywhere as I am very independent. And even though he can drive and has a car most of the time we use public transport or taxis to get around.
We have a very active life, we travel a lot in the UK Europe and beyond we have children and grandchildren. I go to a lot of activities
Not driving has had zero impact on my life.

But most people don't want to waste 90 minutes each way getting to somewhere that they could have parked up nearby by going in the car. It's not always as straightforward as just getting yourself there and back, as you may need to take bulky equipment with you. Say you like kayaking, are you really going to take your kayak, wetsuit and accessories with you on the bus and then walk with it for an hour to the lake?

Similarly, your local big supermarket might only be a 10-minute walk away, but how are you going to get a big trolley full of food home on foot? Yes, I know the answer will come that you can shop online and get it delivered; but this is your ONE option (other than a taxi - which is just an acceptance of your need of a car), whereas a driver with a car could freely choose either an online order and delivery OR to go and fetch it themselves, whenever they like with no notice (during opening hours!) and no slot to be booked or minimum order value, whichever works better for them.

Also, what about people who don't have capacity to walk/cycle all of that way - including the many who maybe did have capacity when younger and/or able-bodied (and they decided that they would never need to be able to drive) to reach and access these places, but don't any longer?

However much people like to argue to the contrary, a car brings you so many more options than not having a car. If the best/most convenient way to get to something is by public transport, drivers can use that instead of their cars; but on the many occasions when a car is the most convenient/only practical way of getting there, non-drivers can't suddenly decide to go in a car.

It's the same principal as people who choose to strictly follow a vegan diet: they naturally accept that they will have far fewer options available to them at a standard restaurant than would an omnivore - who may indeed really like the look of one of the few vegan options on the menu and choose it for themselves instead of a meat dish; but the reverse will not be the case.

All of those fixated on having a partner/DH that drives might be missing out on the great
train, bus, boat journeys of life. And the joys of walking, even cycling together. There are so many other ways to travel and in some respects the car is the most mundane. It is just a means, I don’t think driving actually enhances anyone. It is just a convenience.

im not “fixated” on having a partner who can drive @MNLurker1345 I walk, run, cycle, catch the bus, get a train with my DP every week. We rarely drive anywhere. We live in a very walkable city with great public transport links to London. We are catching the bus to the airport tomorrow to go on holiday tomorrow, for instance.

but sometimes driving is the best way to do something. Eg this weekend we drove 200 miles with ladders and many tools to help dd1 with jobs in her new home. Not sure walking or a train would’ve worked there.

So if I were setting out again, dating, I wouldn’t want to pick a man who couldn’t share that particular chore with me.

I walked to the shops as a broke student. It was about 2km back with as much as I could carry, to keep me fed for as long as I could before having to go again. There are a lot of things in life worth doing besides the shopping! I catch the train to work as it’s convenient, im all for conveniences and I hope those who are espousing slow life don’t have dishwashers and washing machines and all those mod cons - modern conveniences.

I never suggested the car doesn't make you life easier. I simply am saying that many people manage to have a good life without one which some posters find utterly impossible to believe.

@BitOutOfPractice of course a car or van is the only way that some things can be done. There is no form of public transport that you could get your ladders on and travel 200 miles.

As I said earlier, I did not learn to drive until I moved out of London, I was 50. When we lived in London my DH didn’t own a car. When we did travel out of London as we did often for excursions, holidays and transporting furniture we would go by public transport or hire a vehicle.

We only bought cars when moved to the countryside.

Cars are definitely convenient and life can be lived with or without them. We all have the choice, but I don’t think man is less of a man dependent on whether he drives or not.

But they can still do all of those too. If they choose not to, that's not purely because they have a car available too.

I never understand the current train adverts, with the 'On the train you can' strapline, where they feature people having exciting discussions that you could just as easily have in a car, on a bus, when walking or sitting on a park bench etc.

No. You are not equal.

@BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows we became that ‘Let the train take the strain’ family.

I decided that we were going to go for a day out to our local city (not London) by train. We usually drive there.

I told the DGC to cries of “oh I don’t want to walk, why can’t we go in the car”.

Anyway I loaded 2 whinging DGC and a skeptical DH into the car. Parked at the local train station, we do not have a bus service, the train arrived on time. We found a table and sat opposite each other, we were laughing and having a great time and marvelling at the scenery. Had a great day out, returned by train. It was relaxed.

We had the DGC a few weeks later and needed to go into the city for appointments. The DGC said “can we go on the train?” this time.

We talk about the fun we all had playing games, seeing sights, laughing and being together on those journeys. Not to say this is not possible in a car, of course it is but you said you don’t understand those adverts, we
were the advert.

My DH doesn’t drive anymore due to a medical condition, he is no less a man. I do all the driving. Now when we go into the city my DH says “are we going by train?”

THIS. I've been same as you, had a long term partner who couldn't drive due to a medical condition. To me that is very different to an adult who opts out of driving. I have a few relatives that don't drive. Most get themselves about perfectly well at all times, but one seems to expect their lack of driving licence to be a problem for other people to solve. That would not be someone I'd be sharing my life with. But even if they were perfectly happy, and didn't put all the driving onto others, some things just NEED a driver and I'd not want to be the defacto driver for every situation in a couple for the rest of my life.

I am married so only if he was really really fit and discreet.

Obviously I’m kidding. No, I probably wouldn’t. I don’t really like driving myself and prefer to make DH do it, so I would probably want a man who drives. However if I lived in a city like London maybe I’d feel differently. Glasgow has alright public transport but you can’t rely on Scott Rail at the end of the day. I’d take a non driver over a dangerous driver any day though, but realistically I would want a driver.