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Would you date someone who does not drive

327 replies

Dancemom1 · 14/09/2026 19:30

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

OP posts:
selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 05:39

3luckystars · 14/09/2026 20:10

How would you ever know what he looks like when he puts his arm behind the passenger seat when reversing?? That’s a huge turn on. I’d hate to miss out on that.

What madness is this? I reverse with both hands on the steering wheel.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 05:42

AnnaMagnani · 14/09/2026 20:26

Easy, we never plan a 5-6 hour drive on holiday. We also factor in overnight stays so me always being the designated driver doesn't get annoying.

The overnight stays en route cost more than if you were able to share the driving and go down in one day.

2Rebecca · Yesterday 05:49

No

RobinEllacotStrike · Yesterday 05:54

Why doesn’t he drive?

how does he get around?

could you also get around with him if you didn’t drive?

my answer would probably depend on the answers. I love driving but I’m not really into being a chauffeur/ taxi driver.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 05:55

I have done and wouldn't again. Being so tired coming back from holiday that I had to pull over and try to nap because I was falling asleep at the wheel, whilst a useless 80kg lump sat in the passenger seat. Getting a migraine on the way to the holiday and having to stop until I'd recovered just enough to drive again in pain, whilst a useless lump sat next to me who passed his test a couple of years later so it's not like he had the reason of being disabled.

Unless you are disabled, not driving is a choice, and a pretty shitty choice to make when being the only driver is making your partner ill.

sashh · Yesterday 05:57

It depends.

As someone upthread said living in central London (or another city with good public transport) absolutely not a problem.

If they have a medical or physical reason not to, so uncontrolled epilepsy or being blind.

He is ridiculously rich and has a driver / chauffer, again not a problem.

If he lives in the middle of nowhere and expects you to be his private taxi then that is a problem.

Ilovemum · Yesterday 05:58

I did!!! And married him. Honestly we just made sure we live somewhere with good bus connections and a train station really close....

Simonjt · Yesterday 06:02

selffellatingouroborosofhate · Yesterday 05:42

The overnight stays en route cost more than if you were able to share the driving and go down in one day.

Must be some fancy stays if they cost more than lessons, buying, insuring, servicing and fueling a car.

blondeboobshell · Yesterday 06:06

If he couldn’t drive for medical reasons wouldn’t be an issue. If he had never bothered I’d be concerned about becoming his taxi.
A friend has never learnt to drive she relies on her husband/friends to drive her everywhere. She will get a taxi but she doesn’t do public transport

Savvysix1984 · Yesterday 06:07

Depends. If it’s for a medical reason then or if they lived in a major city like London then possibly. Where I live now a car is essential if you want to have a good quality of life. I’d find it very unattractive if they just couldn’t arsed learning to drive. My friends dh doesn’t drive and I’m seeing her frustration at having to drive the kids to school/ clubs/ birthday parties etc.

ArtieChoke · Yesterday 06:09

MellowSubmarine · 14/09/2026 19:52

It’s not an obsession with driving. I like to go to places that are often not accessible via public transport, I’d want anyone I was in a serious relationship with to have similar interests, want similar holidays etc.
If they’ve chosen never to learn to drive, it would suggest they aren’t interested in those things. Which is fine, my interests aren’t superior to theirs. But probably not the person I want to be with.

Not relevant to OP’s situation, but when I was single, I wouldn’t have wanted to get into a long term relationship with a view to having children with someone who was happy for me to always be the one driving children around. In the same way I wouldn’t want to be with someone who chose to leave any chore for me to do exclusively by myself.

Can you name the places you can’t get to on public transport?

darkling2 · Yesterday 06:46

No. You are just adding extra work for yourself, forever.

And his reasons aren't relevant. I can sympathise with someone while declining the extra work their inability to drive would very definitely add to my life, over time.

darkling2 · Yesterday 06:48

ArtieChoke · Yesterday 06:09

Can you name the places you can’t get to on public transport?

Are you mental?

PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 06:54

Can you name the places you can’t get to on public transport?

80% of the places within my (rural) county

Greatexpect · Yesterday 06:59

It would depend on the reason and his expectations really. If he just didn’t around to learning or doesn’t want to drive I would see a red flag. If he expects lifts rather than taxis or public transport it’s another red flag.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · Yesterday 07:00

No. I live rurally with shit public transport and I am
not becoming someone’s chauffeur.

FringedAnd · Yesterday 07:01

Savvysix1984 · Yesterday 06:07

Depends. If it’s for a medical reason then or if they lived in a major city like London then possibly. Where I live now a car is essential if you want to have a good quality of life. I’d find it very unattractive if they just couldn’t arsed learning to drive. My friends dh doesn’t drive and I’m seeing her frustration at having to drive the kids to school/ clubs/ birthday parties etc.

But no one who can’t drive would live in that kind of place on the first place! One of my first priorities when moving is public transport.

ArtieChoke · Yesterday 07:03

darkling2 · Yesterday 06:48

Are you mental?

Can’t you answer?

IngridsLittleToe · Yesterday 07:08

ArtieChoke · Yesterday 06:09

Can you name the places you can’t get to on public transport?

I can't list them because there are so many. This about lifestyle. If my life was restricted to public transport locations I'd feel very deprived. But some people restruct themselves. Depends what you want in life.
I imagine if you think public transport can get you everywhere you don't explore the countryside

darkling2 · Yesterday 07:10

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WhiteFramesandPlanes · Yesterday 07:10

FieryA · 14/09/2026 20:55

Why so? Didn't realise the capable adult handbook had should know how to drive in it.

That's okay, you know now 👍

darkling2 · Yesterday 07:12

IngridsLittleToe · Yesterday 07:08

I can't list them because there are so many. This about lifestyle. If my life was restricted to public transport locations I'd feel very deprived. But some people restruct themselves. Depends what you want in life.
I imagine if you think public transport can get you everywhere you don't explore the countryside

I am fine with people choosing not to drive, so long as they accept the restrictions that go with that for themselves, if it is their own choice.

I would aaccept that if you live in a city you can probably get to most necessary places on public transport. Not everywhere, obviously, but you can probably manage ok.

But to pretend you actually believe there's nowhere that you can't get to on public transport - what the actual? It is such a bizarre notion. And as for asking for a list of all the many thousands of places you cannot get to on public transport, this makes me wonder about their cognitive abilities tbh.

grinandslothit · Yesterday 07:13

Absolutely not. I did this once before and it was awful having to always drive any holiday where we go any place we went out I had to drive and then being unwell and he couldn't drive me to hospital

ArtieChoke · Yesterday 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You still can’t actually answer the question

calling someone names as they ask a simple question, where are the places you can’t get to by public transport

but don’t name one single place

bumblingbovine49 · Yesterday 07:14

Typical MN early responses , no middle ground at all, either "oh its fine no problem: or "absolutely not, never"

I met DH vhen he was 30 and he could not drive. It was a bit irritating which I never hid from him, but in the scheme of things absolutely not a dealbreaker as he had so many other excellent qualities.

Once we had been dating a while ,I did say it would become a problem in the future, particularly if we ended up together long-term with children etc, which he acknowledged and said he was willing to learn. He just never had because of income mainly. His family were not well off and he spent his 20s getting academic qualifications and jobs that were not that well paid. When I met him he had started a new better paid job and within 3 years was department head so he was not unambitious or incapable in fact he is the opposite. He just had not until then prioritised driving

When we had DS and DH wanted to take a sabatical to do a fellowship in the US during my maternity leave, I agreed on the condition he learned learn to drive to share the driving load while there. It took him a while and in the end he passed in an automatic to make sure he had a licence in time . That was 20 years ago . He drives more than I do now, albeit we have an automatic and on the very rare occasion we hire a manual abroad ( because it is a bit cheaper usually) then I drive still but that is really not a big deal for me now.

So as in most relationships that last, we reached a compromise, with some level of irritation and annoyance on the way

Overall then my answer to the question would be it depends on the reason for not driving, his response to my observation that he would probably need to learn if we planned to be together long term and how much I liked him