Would you date someone who does not drive

[Dancemom1]

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive?
after a nice first date with a man (40)
i found out he didn’t drive.
i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids.
he has no kids so its a bit different.
he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

Not uncommon where I live (London). Whether it's likely to be impractical depends on your situation. I certainly wouldn't see it as a moral failing.

@PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 23:27

Driving is a basic life skill, and someone not interested in such skills is of no interest to me!

I remember declining a date with a very nice looking guy, some years ago, because he didn’t drive. It somehow completely emasculated him. I posted about it on MN, and was heavily criticised

Agreed. I would never date a man who can't drive. I have found that men who can't drive, lack ambition and drive, and are often mediocre earners with little prospect. That's my experience of men that I know/have known who have not been arsed to learn to drive. It's hugely off-putting and emasculates a man if he has never bothered trying to learn to drive IMO.

I have the right to not want a man who can't drive. Men have boxes they want ticking when it comes to finding a woman, one of mine (when it comes to men) is that I would never date a non-driver.

@Tryagain26

Hundreds of thousands of places in the UK you can't get to without driving? Honestly I'd like to hear where they are.

Exactly! There are waaaaay more places that you can't get to with no public transport!

I live in a beautiful rural area in a tiny village off the beaten track, 2 miles from the nearest A road, and with a low population, very little traffic, and zero crime.. I LOVE it here near the canal, the river, and the woodlands. I would hate to be restricted to living in a city or a big town because I can't drive, and have to depend on public transport. As has been said, you have so many more choices when you can drive, you can get better jobs/have a better career, and you are far more independent.

@FringedAnd · Yesterday 19:56

I have four degrees and write for a living, but can’t drive.

FOUR degrees? Why? Genuinely can't see the point of four university degrees. How strange. What age did you actually start working? You must have spent an awful lot of time in education!

This is exactly how I feel. If they were unable to drive due to a disability or health condition I could look past it. If they were choosing not to, then absolutely not. If they didnt' drive because they were banned due to drink/drug driving an even bigger nope. Nobody needs that level of drama in their lives!

This is my view too. Driving is expensive and tiring and I would hate to have the full responsibility of it to fall on me (disabilities and illness aside).

This is absolutely true - any of us could suddenly lose our ability to drive, whether through old age or disability/medical condition... but there isn't anything that we can do to prevent that eventuality.

We CAN plan for having less mobility and energy and worse health in old age, for which being able to drive - for as long as we are allowed/safely able - is never going to be a negative option to have available.

The ages and health levels will obviously differ enormously from person to person, but let's just say for argument's sake that a hypothetical 'average' person might be still very alert and keen to travel, but finding their mobility and energy levels decreasing by 60; and then if they do have to give up driving at 80... that's 20 years of their life when they might hugely appreciate being able to drive themselves around and not having to rely on public transport.

Absolutely I would!
How does he get around now?
I presume public transport or cycle.
I have a car but prefer to cycle or use the metro than drive where possible. Its less hassle for me.
Just because he doesn't drive doesn't mean he's going to expect you to be his taxi service

You say you don't really like driving, so how is dating someone who can't drive, and lives 30 minutes drive away, going to improve your life? It will massively increase the amount of driving you have to do. I would not date someone who couldn't drive, it would be really annoying.
I'd also wonder if they were hiding a driving ban and for what.

buying, insuring, servicing and fueling a car.

You mean that car that I already own? The problem wasn't him not having his own car. The problem was him not being licenced to drive mine.

• Anywhere at 4am.
• Lots of places before about 9am on a Sunday. I once was rejected from a morning cleaning job in a pub because of this.
• Large chunks of rural Northumberland. Example: Blanchland has no buses on a Saturday or Sunday. You cannot go from Blanchland to a school or any office hours job, because the buses are twice per day around 10am and 3pm.
• Likewise chunks of rural Wales, Cumbria, and County Durham have no weekend buses, no evening buses, and might not even have buses to get you to an office hours job.

And these are just the places I have direct personal experience of.

Er, not strictly true. As a non driver ( I'm learning and have a test booked before anyone labels me a useless loser) I walk every school run, and to local dance classes, kids clubs etc. whereas many car owning mums who live closer drive every day, aghast that I walk so much. So actually the pp makes a good point.

This

It’s my birthday and I’m spending the evening home alone as my bf doesn’t drive

Let that be a warning @Dancemom1

Not everyone has a free choice about where to live.

I call it the "parents live in the styx trap". All your urban schoolmates live a bus ride or walk from places they can get that sub-NMW first Saturday job, whilst you don't because weekend buses don't exist for you. So they have that precious first job experience that you lack to get a NMW job at 18 (or 16, or whenever NMW kicks in) and the flexibility of transport to work weekends and evenings. Meanwhile, you start looking for your first job at 18 with no experience and the restriction of only being able to work office hours. Result: you are stuck living with your parents on benefits, unable to afford to leave and not even getting rejection letters from your applications, whilst others are getting jobs and moving out.

The only escape is learning to drive. When I first passed my test, I borrowed my mum's car to get to a job requiring a 4am commute that even my urbanite peers couldn't do by bus. That experience opened the door to subsequent jobs.

If you've never lived anywhere that isolated, you won't understand.

My immediate thought was "no" because I did date someone who couldnt drive- and he couldn't afford taxis or public transport either so I used to drive everywhere. I'd even have to pick him up if I wanted to see him it didnt last long

However, medical issues aside, if they were more than willing to foot taxi bills etc then i dont think it would be a deal breaker.

There's a car in my garage. I don't use it to get to work. I didn't use it to go on holiday to London last year. But I did use it to turn a three bus, two hour ordeal into a forty minute drive to see my mum last weekend.

If you want to spend three hours per day walking as part of your commute, go for it. But not even the Job Centre will expect you to get a bus and then walk for ninety minutes more to get to work.

Well, I expect if you are working on a farm in the middle of nowhere, you'd be silly to apply for this job without a driving license. But, alas, the question was about "exploring countryside" and I would consider walking as part of exploration. So your comment doesn't actually make any sense in the context of this off-topic discussion.

I turn around with both hands still on the wheel. I can't control the steering wheel fully one-handed.

I understood this sub-thread as being generally about places you can't get to by public transport.

There are plenty of places like Blanchland where your opportunities for employment will be greatly limited by not being able to drive if you live there.

Nope. I think if they are younger and live in a city that’s well connected I could understand. But in his 40s I would just find it a bit of an ick.

I had a big fear of driving still do to be honest early 30s past a year ago, still haven’t done motorways really but how it has added to my independence is astronomical. I had to rely on partners on past relationship drive me about and as much as someone can say they don’t need that. The reality is a lot of public transport is rubbish, could be delayed etc and just being able to hop in a car is needed nowadays.

Someone in their 40s not driving or looking into it probably never will.

I am dating someone who doesn't drive. It's not an issue. He's managed to reach middle age getting himself about independently, he hasn't suddenly turned into some lazy lift cadger!

I don't have cameras, but I do use all the mirrors a lot when reversing. And I'm flexible enough to turn around with both hands on the wheel, whilst I would struggle to rotate the wheel any distance one-handed. So no, I don't put one arm on the back of the passenger seat. I don't think any of my family do.

Tell me you don't play a musical instrument without telling me...

I've moved drumkits in my car, tubas, bass saxophones, you name it. Once, an entire brass quartet plus their instruments to a gig because another musician's car had broken down. My life is certainly enhanced by having a car.

Likewise, you kayak, you camp, you do anything that requires equipment, you need a car.