Page 11 | Would you date someone who does not drive

Dancemom1 · 2026-09-14T18:30:54+00:00

Would it put you off from dating someone if you found out they didn’t drive? after a nice first date with a man (40) i found out he didn’t drive. i do drive myself and couldn’t be without my car as i have w busy life with kids. he has no kids so its a bit different. he also lives around a 20 min drive away.

Borborygmus · Yesterday 12:20

Catza · Yesterday 07:58

If by "can't be reached by public transport" you mean there is no bus which runs directly to the door every 15 minutes, then sure. However, I don't believe there are many (or any) places in the UK which don't have a train, bus, boat or coach stop within a 60-90 minute walk (or 30 min cycle). Which would be perfectly accessible for someone able and used to walking or cycling where they need to go.

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You may be able to get to them by cycling, but not necessarily by walking. As a non-driver I'm well aware that there are numerous places locally that are only accessible by road, and if those roads don't have footpaths then you're stuck.

Having said that, I've never needed to go to such places, so it's never been an issue for me.

Melarus · Yesterday 12:23

I'm not single, but if I was, I wouldn't date someone who didn't cycle

MorrisseysMisery · Yesterday 12:35

My DP (been together 15 years and have a 7 year old DD) has never driven. He's the only man who I've been involved with that doesn't drive!
Works for us, he is quite happy on his e bike!
In the early days he loved going in my car to places, it was a novelty as he'd never dated someone who drove!
I personally think he's a bit scared of driving to be honest but I don't force the issue with him

BeAvidBiscuit · Yesterday 12:43

As with most things in life, 'it depends' on a whole host of things. Not driving is by no means a no-no in my books . There are far more important considerations. There is no such thing as a perfect partner however, and all the pros and cons go onto the scales.

2Rebecca · Yesterday 12:54

I think not driving is just one of many factors that might make someone less desirable as a partner. People who don’t drive are getting overly upset about it but it seems an obvious limitation. It is unlikely to be the only thing you consider but it is something most people would take into account when choosing a partner as generally you want someone who makes your life easier not harder

SickandTiredofEverything · Yesterday 12:58

Dancemom1 · Yesterday 09:56

Thank you it makes sense
we dont live in London but do live in a city! My kids are busy with clubs, im in my car every day multiple times, all my family drive. We meet up for walks / trips & days out. Therefore its alien to me that he doesnt drive
so how do i bring it up? And do i go on the second date? I feel crap as he seems lovely and is excited for the second date.

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Surely you don’t need to bring it up this early. There are so many reasons this might fall through it hardly seems worth it to bring it up now. Just because he doesn’t drive NOW doesn’t mean he can’t learn if it becomes necessary. What I would do for now is not facilitate his lack of driving in any way - eg picking him up for a date at a place where public transport isn’t an option, or going out of your way in a situation where if he could drive, you would not. You will soon get a feel for whether this isn’t an issue (in the short term st least) or if he only manages not driving by inconveniencing everyone around him. I say that as someone who responded she would prefer not to have a long term relationship with a non driver. The time to raise it as a dealbreaker is if he lets you know he is actively choosing not to drive as some sort of lifestyle or moral statement.

Imbusytodaysorry · Yesterday 13:00

@Dancemom1 can I ask how you Think him
not driving would effect your life if you continued dating/got into a relationship?
I am someone who has driven more miles than most . I can’t not drive where I live but looking to relocate to be a little more central. I am ditching driving then . Only driving when I need too. I can’t wait to use buses and trains. I use to love the freedom driving gave me however now I feel I’ve wasted so much time in a car.
We have such a big thing in the UK about driving we really should take a leaf from the book when it comes to how other European countries do things .

Wednesday505 · Yesterday 13:01

People on here are crazy, so what if somebody can't drive, that doesn't make the a loser, or a failure at life.
Should I tell my mother she's a failed because she doesn't drive? Even though she bought up two children and run a successful business?

Original poster

Dancemom1 · Yesterday 13:43

@Imbusytodaysorry well i suppose id have to do all the driving
and would be me mostly going to where he lives.
i don’t particularly like driving so weekends away in the car would be a no go.

OP posts:

Wannabegreenfingers · Yesterday 13:59

Its a no from me

beaglescurleduplikebagels · Yesterday 14:19

Wednesday505 · Yesterday 13:01

People on here are crazy, so what if somebody can't drive, that doesn't make the a loser, or a failure at life.
Should I tell my mother she's a failed because she doesn't drive? Even though she bought up two children and run a successful business?

It doesn’t make anyone a loser but not driving is an inconvenience unless you live somewhere with excellent public transport.

For example, where I am now, there’s no public transport past certain times of day and absolutely none at all going in certain directions - basically unless you want to go up or down the coast on the train line, you’re fucked.

You could get a taxi but it would cost you a small fortune and you’d need to book it in advance. There’s no uber and the public bus only runs Monday to Friday (and again, only goes up and down the coast).

In a city like London or even Cambridge it wouldn’t be any issue, but in rural areas, it’s very restrictive and expensive if you can’t drive.

Sometimeslifeishardbutwecarryon · Yesterday 14:39

RemindMeIn15Minutes · 14/09/2026 19:38

I had this with my last partner. He was capable of getting himself around locally but if we wanted to go anywhere, I had to drive there… and then back again.

I was fine with it for a couple of years; then I wasn’t and it became a major issue (along with a lot of other things).

So, yes, I’d not really want to date someone else who didn’t drive as it gets pretty onerous.

Same with an ex. I think he could drive (can’t remember) but didn’t own a car and I felt after about 8 months that I was being put upon at times. We lived in different places (me rurally with no buses) so had to collect him from the station and return, help him with heavy stuff he needed for his boat (which he lived on), etc. It got boring too when I couldn’t even have a drink if we went out somewhere (albeit rarely - he never wanted to do anything which was the real demise of our relationship). I don’t drink at home but enjoy the odd glass if socialising and there’s no need to drive. Gives me a hangover though these days after just one !

FringedAnd · Yesterday 14:46

beaglescurleduplikebagels · Yesterday 14:19

It doesn’t make anyone a loser but not driving is an inconvenience unless you live somewhere with excellent public transport.

For example, where I am now, there’s no public transport past certain times of day and absolutely none at all going in certain directions - basically unless you want to go up or down the coast on the train line, you’re fucked.

You could get a taxi but it would cost you a small fortune and you’d need to book it in advance. There’s no uber and the public bus only runs Monday to Friday (and again, only goes up and down the coast).

In a city like London or even Cambridge it wouldn’t be any issue, but in rural areas, it’s very restrictive and expensive if you can’t drive.

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I’m getting kind of tired of pointing this out, but no one who can’t drive is going to live anywhere with no public transport (unless they’ve suddenly developed a disability that debars them from driving, which is a whole different scenario). So it just doesn’t come up.

I can’t drive, therefore I live in city centres where everywhere is a cycle, walk or busride away, and/or in other places with excellent public transport. There’s no point in people pointing out that it would be a terrible ‘inconvenience’ if I lived in the depths of the countryside. I mean, I know that. It’s why I don’t live there! I’m not sitting in my rural cottage nagging people with cars to give me lifts, or accepting invitations to places I can’t get to. I’ve arranged my life to suit my needs. It’s not that complicated.

CrazyMidget · Yesterday 15:04

Wednesday505 · Yesterday 10:01

I don't drive, my partner does, I must be a terrible loser, shame on me. What a sad way you think.

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@Mirrorlolo I have a friend who has earned a few million from her novels, which are published in 24 countries, and she doesn't drive. If you saw her house, you certainly wouldn't think she's a loser.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · Yesterday 15:06

FringedAnd · Yesterday 14:46

I’m getting kind of tired of pointing this out, but no one who can’t drive is going to live anywhere with no public transport (unless they’ve suddenly developed a disability that debars them from driving, which is a whole different scenario). So it just doesn’t come up.

I can’t drive, therefore I live in city centres where everywhere is a cycle, walk or busride away, and/or in other places with excellent public transport. There’s no point in people pointing out that it would be a terrible ‘inconvenience’ if I lived in the depths of the countryside. I mean, I know that. It’s why I don’t live there! I’m not sitting in my rural cottage nagging people with cars to give me lifts, or accepting invitations to places I can’t get to. I’ve arranged my life to suit my needs. It’s not that complicated.

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lol, do you think every single person who is born rurally learns to drive?

Because I can tell you, they absolutely do not.

MurphysColeslaw · Yesterday 15:13

Unless he was a squillionaire with a chauffeur No .

Hellohelga · Yesterday 15:19

For me driving is a necessary life skill like riding a bike and swimming. I wouldn’t date someone who couldn’t do all three of these as I’d see them as less capable.

EarthSight · Yesterday 15:37

Releasemeplease · 14/09/2026 21:40

Spare us, please 🙄

What do you mean? I was stating a fact.

I think it's pretty unpleasant that OP and others on this thread including yourself, seem to think that people who don't drive are second class citizens and losers.

If you want to drive fair enough. But don't look down your nose at people who don't.

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You're projecting. I've been a non-driver for most of my adult life.

SickandTiredofEverything · Yesterday 15:47

Dancemom1 · Yesterday 13:43

@Imbusytodaysorry well i suppose id have to do all the driving
and would be me mostly going to where he lives.
i don’t particularly like driving so weekends away in the car would be a no go.

See that’s what I meant about not putting myself out earlier in the thread. I wouldn’t mostly go to his, I’d expect him to find his driverless way to my home and back again around 50% of the time without my help. If he brings it up that you should go to him because you have a car, that is where I would bring up the responsibility is on him to learn to drive, not me to compensate because he doesn’t. If I do a weekend away in the car, next weekend away the train tickets are on him. The individual trip will be more expensive for him because he doesn’t drive and have the costs of maintaining a car.

Tryagain26 · Yesterday 15:57

darkling2 · Yesterday 07:21

I am refusing to answer them, because they're being ridiculous (and frankly mental) for even asking for a list of places. There are many thousands, almost certainly hundreds of thousands of places that can't be reached by public transport even in the UK, which is after all a small island. They're being deeply disingenuous.

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Hundreds of thousands of places in the UK you can't get to without driving? Honestly I'd like to hear where they are.

Releasemeplease · Yesterday 16:04

EarthSight · Yesterday 15:37

You're projecting. I've been a non-driver for most of my adult life.

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I'm not projecting at all.
You might be a late convert but you are proselytising the use of cars with all the enthusiasm of a zealot.

Tryagain26 · Yesterday 16:15

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · Yesterday 08:07

It's also important - for both the driver and the non-driver-by-choice in a relationship - to not just think of the circumstances now, but to think ahead about the future. It's all very well saying that yo can get the bus or it's only a 20 minute walk and good exercise or whatever, but what about when you get older and you have both less physical capacity and probably more healthcare appointments, so a car is no longer a luxury or unnecessary frippery, but has become an essential?

Thankfully, it's no longer the case on a wide scale; but we had several generations of women who never learned to drive, because their husbands did all of the driving for them both, so they decided that they didn't need to; "It's more of a man's thing" etc. Of course, women tend to live longer than men do, meaning that, when they were widowed, they suddenly found themselves adrift with no ready transport - just when they needed it most.

Drivers also have to think about what they will do when they are no longer able to drive.
Some people who have only ever relied on a car and won't use public transport can be very reluctant to give up even though it's obvious it's no longer safe for them to still be driving.

liveforsummer · Yesterday 16:21

Everyinch · 14/09/2026 19:37

If holding a driving licence is that important you probably shouldn't be dating.

Why do you say that? Its a deal breaker for lots of people

AstronomyDomine · Yesterday 16:33

Awkwardisfunny · 14/09/2026 22:15

Exactly this. It's a conscious decision. I actually know someone who told me a long time ago that he was going to stop driving lessons because he would just let his girlfriend at the time ferry him about. He never did get his licence. It's a lazy and selfish decision.

Also.. it does speak to traits like commitment and determination. Think along the lines of getting a degree (in the old days). It takes some people years to pass their test. Others, first time. But point is: being willing to spend the time and effort learning and sacrificing financially to achieve something. Then the responsibility of actually driving, maintaining your vehicle and keeping yourself and others safe.

People who don't drive have no clue what this level of commitment is and just offer petrol money (tell them about the cost of the car, the road tax, the insurance, the oil and windscreen wash!, the MOTs, the constant maintenance, tyres! - pay me for that, not just the petrol!).

Anyway, there's also the biological factor: at my older age.. I won't consider a man who can't or won't look after me. Imagine being stuck at a bus stop or on a night out or at the airport, not really suitable taxi distance, and your man cannot come get you. No, thank you.

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People who don't drive have no clue what this level of commitment is and just offer petrol money (tell them about the cost of the car, the road tax, the insurance, the oil and windscreen wash!, the MOTs, the constant maintenance, tyres! - pay me for that, not just the petrol!).

This. 100%.

WaryCyanStork · Yesterday 16:37

Dancemom1 · Yesterday 13:43

@Imbusytodaysorry well i suppose id have to do all the driving
and would be me mostly going to where he lives.
i don’t particularly like driving so weekends away in the car would be a no go.

If he expects you to always go to his, that's not reasonable. But has he said that, or are you just assuming he won't get public transport because you wouldn't?

I didn't learn to drive until I was in my 30s, but I still went on plenty of dates and weekends away - just not by car.

I don't think there's anything wrong with driving or not driving. But ultimately, if it's important to you to go places by car and share the driving, you might not be compatible with a non-driver.