Page 12 | Husband received overseas paternity test request and is refusing to engage

Operaofthephantom · 2026-09-08T18:46:23+00:00

I'm pretty sure I already know what this means but I can't talk to anyone close right now because I don't have the energy. Husband got asked to comply with a paternity test request from abroad. It was issued via a solicitor's office by post. I know the requestor, or at least have met her before some years ago. One of those times she was pregnant and she and her husband were so happy. He denies everything and refuses to engage and says he doesn't have to. I don't know why I am even writing this. I somehow already know that it's probably true and that he'll never admit it.

Aliscent · Today 11:04

It's interesting....
I did some research and it looks like his ex-OW can force him eventually to acknowledge the child if he refuses to cooperate with courts in Czech Republic. The process could take a couple of years as it will go to the international stage, but it will not go away (depending how much money the mother has for solicitors). If he forever refuses to take the test, the foreign court (in cooperation with the UK court) could eventually recognise him as the father and impose payment of child maintenance. So it's definitely not going away... he could also be ordered to pay maintenance up to 3 years back.

Paganpentacle · Today 11:04

outerspacepotato · Yesterday 20:49

So your husband is ok being a possible deadbeat dad?

I'd divorce him for that alone. Deadbeat dads are scum.

Your husband possibly has a child and here you are wishing bad things to happen to the mom when your husband won't even be honest, much less step up if it's his kid.

If it was an affair while he is married to you, be mad at him. But if he's got a kid, he's got responsibilities. Trying to put his head into the sand won't absolve him of that or make this kid disappear.

Tell him to grow up and take the test and find out.

OP is also allowed to be mad at the other woman for ... you know, fucking her husband.

Sassylovesbooks · Today 11:12

If this woman has been pushed into pursuing a paternity request by her abusive husband, and knows the OP's husband isn't her child's Dad, surely she'd have made contact with the OP's husband directly? Wouldn't she be mortified that her husband 'made' her submit the request, and want the chance to speak/email the OP's husband to explain herself?!

However, if the woman has submitted the request herself, without any involvement by her husband, I would have thought a solicitor would tell her NOT to have direct contact with the OP's husband?! Which would explain why she didn't contact the OP's husband in the first instance!

It's immaterial why the woman is doing this now. The OP's husband isn't prepared to admit to an affair, is going down the 'it's a scam' route and clearly has no intention of acknowledging a child. I doubt very much the woman will be able to pursue it through the Courts, unless she's got a lot of money...but she could potentially try!

LondonPapa · Today 11:12

Operaofthephantom · Yesterday 22:34

Czechia, so EU. They worked closely together and as I said from the start I think I know what this is about. I'm just so disappointed.

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Your husband is correct, for now he doesn’t have to comply. But if this goes up through the Czech courts, they could request UK or EU jurisdictions to assist which may cause a headache either in the UK or entering other EU countries. Also, there is precedent for a refusal meaning he is the father but unsure if that applies to Czech cases. Not a lawyer though so I may be incorrect but this is what I’ve picked up from other cases I’ve read about.

Gingerclove · Today 11:13

Alondra · Today 10:31

I think too many posters are answering from a place of idealistic "how things should be' instead of reality.

You know your H is an arsehole but you also want to protect your children at all costs. They are your priority as it should be.

Your H doesn't need to comply with the paternity test issued by solicitors in an EU country. Unless the mother has serious money to pursue the paternity in British courts, it's a non starter. Different legal systems and the UK won't chase your H because, fundamentally, it has nothing to do with UK laws.

It does leave you with a problem at home though. He cheated on you. refuses to engage (which apparently is his normal character dealing with problems) and leaves you without a frank and honest conversation when together make decisions affecting your family.

He's the opposite of a good partner. Draw your own conclusions and plan ahead for your future and your children's

You’re wrong in saying it has nothing to do with UK laws.

This is a list of countries with which the UK has a reciprocal enforcement of maintenance orders. The Czech Republic is on it.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5fe1fbf18fa8f56aed3d5e61/remo-countries-list.pdf

boxtop · Today 11:25

If my husband had cheated, fathered a child, and was now refusing to acknowledge the child, I'd be even angrier with him about that than I was about the cheating.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 11:32

oviraptor21 · Today 09:11

It could be the woman's DP asking for the test as he doesn't trust her. She could know full well it's not OP's partner's child.

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Huh? If the husband is the presumed father of the child (but simply having doubts), he could simply get tested. He wouldn’t need to test OP‘s H to find out whether he himself (as the mother‘s DH) is the biological father…

C8H10N4O2 · Today 11:32

Calliopespa · Today 10:18

No they are not, but they are responsible for their own, just as men are, and having ana affair with a man she knows to be married is not an action I am about to condone. Of course the husband who took the vows is directly - and far more - at fault. But I find the whole "not my vows" thing a slippery get of of jail technicality. If you know your actions are causing hurt, then you know.

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PP is correct though. If this woman broke her own vows that is between her and her husband not her and the OP.

Men have been shoving the blame for their adultery onto the OW since forever to mitigate their responsibilities. Its right up there with “my wife doesn’t understand me” or slipping off the wedding ring on a night out.
People who commit adultery are 100% responsible for their adultery. Pretending that it is in any way the responsibility of the third party is a cop out by the adulterer or a self deluding coping strategy by the betrayed spouse.

Cheese55 · Today 11:35

C8H10N4O2 · Today 11:32

PP is correct though. If this woman broke her own vows that is between her and her husband not her and the OP.

Men have been shoving the blame for their adultery onto the OW since forever to mitigate their responsibilities. Its right up there with “my wife doesn’t understand me” or slipping off the wedding ring on a night out.
People who commit adultery are 100% responsible for their adultery. Pretending that it is in any way the responsibility of the third party is a cop out by the adulterer or a self deluding coping strategy by the betrayed spouse.

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Quite right

Change2banon · Today 11:37

Cheese55 · Today 10:17

You dont know the story behind why he's suddenly being asked if he is the father. Do you think she is some kind of 'Fallen Women' who should be punished

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Give over. Read the actual posts quoted and you’ll know exactly what I’m saying.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 11:38

Operaofthephantom · Today 09:07

Of course I had suspected that he’d slept with her. They had worked very closely and he spent weeks abroad training her and others. He’s still friends with a lot of the people from that time. I can’t even explain how disappointed I am more than anything.

I am considering contacting her directly but I’m not sure if this will help or just hurt more.
I think he will get his solicitor to reply to the letter.

Don‘t contact her. You said your main priority are your children (as they should be). I would therefore recommend you contact a solicitor right now. You are in desperate need of legal advice and might benefit from initiating a separation agreement or divorce before your H is part of an international legal dispute in regards to paternity and potentially child support.
I therefore absolutely would not contact her or other people that might even remotely be involved in this or talk to her (or your H).

You do however need legal advice ASAP and (to use mumsnet speech) get your ducks in a row.

Seajaye · Today 11:38

seahorsessky · Yesterday 21:25

If I were a man accused of this, I would seek legal advice, but unless the lawyer advised otherwise, I wouldn't go along with some evil request like this. I'd want to refuse, in the same way that if anyone said my children weren't my husband's I'd want to refuse-because I know I'm honest!
Honest people don't need to do tests (like I say, obviously I would comply if I had to for legal reasons, but if not, all decent people would surely refuse).

But the accusations that he has fathered a child has to be resolved some how. Even if he hasn't had an affair, the accusations is out there, to be dealt with . He can't just stick his head in the sand.

OP has to decide what she wants to do about her marriage, and prioritise her children's future, if the accusation is true. If it is true, presumably he will be ordered to pay child maintenance.

PantaloonMad · Today 11:40

MelonSorbet · Yesterday 20:26

That's not very nice. It's not her fault your husband's a shitbag.

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he’s a shitbag but presumably she still slept with a married man? If OP is saying she and her husband saw the woman and her husband and she was pregnant at the time

Piknik · Today 11:46

@Operaofthephantom I know it feels like you'd rather not know at this moment. Nobody wants to open a can of worms or see their marriage implode, but not knowing will eat you up. The trust will be gone and the marriage destroyed anyway. I think you're better off facing up to it now and starting to deal and heal than letting this hang over you...

If your H won't agree to the test then the idea or testing your DC against the baby is a good option.

I don't think it's helpful to you to wonder 'why now?' or who has asked for the test (her DH or her) or anything like that. You seem surprised that they might have slept together so regardless of the outcome of the test, you have issues to deal with - I think you should take the full hit in one go - infidelity and baby and make sure you gather people around to support you whatever happens next.

Toodarktooearly · Today 11:49

Operaofthephantom · Yesterday 20:30

No. But how is she any better?

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Because she was stressed unhappy possibly heartbroken and your husband clearly took advantage of her

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · Today 11:56

Piknik · Today 11:46

@Operaofthephantom I know it feels like you'd rather not know at this moment. Nobody wants to open a can of worms or see their marriage implode, but not knowing will eat you up. The trust will be gone and the marriage destroyed anyway. I think you're better off facing up to it now and starting to deal and heal than letting this hang over you...

If your H won't agree to the test then the idea or testing your DC against the baby is a good option.

I don't think it's helpful to you to wonder 'why now?' or who has asked for the test (her DH or her) or anything like that. You seem surprised that they might have slept together so regardless of the outcome of the test, you have issues to deal with - I think you should take the full hit in one go - infidelity and baby and make sure you gather people around to support you whatever happens next.

Testing OP‘s DC against their possible half-sibling would be logical and even ethical, I agree.
But it is absolutely not what OP should do if her goal is protecting marital assets and her own children‘s finances (IMO).

And OP does not know whether it is simply a paternity suit (and presumably also child support, if paternity could be established). It is truly unfortunate but the legal ongoings could also raise issues of criminal law…

JanBlues2026 · Today 11:57

The only possible conclusions

her husband suspects she had an affair with your DH so insists on the test (maybe she is refusing to say who the dad is)
she slept with your DH and the baby is his
she slept with your DH and the baby is not his

Cheese55 · Today 12:03

Piknik · Today 11:46

@Operaofthephantom I know it feels like you'd rather not know at this moment. Nobody wants to open a can of worms or see their marriage implode, but not knowing will eat you up. The trust will be gone and the marriage destroyed anyway. I think you're better off facing up to it now and starting to deal and heal than letting this hang over you...

If your H won't agree to the test then the idea or testing your DC against the baby is a good option.

I don't think it's helpful to you to wonder 'why now?' or who has asked for the test (her DH or her) or anything like that. You seem surprised that they might have slept together so regardless of the outcome of the test, you have issues to deal with - I think you should take the full hit in one go - infidelity and baby and make sure you gather people around to support you whatever happens next.

I think she knew they slept together and decided to ignore it.

Another2Cats · Today 12:03

Operaofthephantom · Today 09:07

Of course I had suspected that he’d slept with her. They had worked very closely and he spent weeks abroad training her and others. He’s still friends with a lot of the people from that time. I can’t even explain how disappointed I am more than anything.

I am considering contacting her directly but I’m not sure if this will help or just hurt more.
I think he will get his solicitor to reply to the letter.

"I think he will get his solicitor to reply to the letter."

That's the best thing to do.