Husband’s secret double life exposed, not sure how to move forward

[Broken186]

I have just found out last night my husband of almost 17years together 23 years has been sleeping with men, prostitutes and trans M/F for at least the last 10 years behind . I am utterly devastated. He’s been working away and due to past issues I’ve been on my guard and knew he was acting different so I went through his phone and found he was on a swingers site, read through as many of the messages as I could stand. I don’t know who the hell I’ve been married to. I’ve kicked him out but don’t know where to go from here. We’ve got 3 children 20,14,7 and feel like the oldest should know straight away that his dad’s gone but that I should hold of telling the other 2. I’m at a loss of where to even begin

Get paperwork in a row and fe for divorce. Get a STI test asap. You need that to put your mind at rest. Don't keep his secret. Tell your family and friends to gain support otherwise they might think yabu for going for a divorce if they don't know why. Take half theoney out of any joint accounts or savings.

Im nearly 4 years post the other side of this discovery, solid advice with the sti test. Dont keep his secret, its not yours to carry. Counselling has really helped me too.
Fab Swingers and Fab Guys is what my ex used

I'm so sorry. I hope you're okay. xx

Oh dear, I realized that, this could have been my post, in another 5-10 years...

Not my worries anymore now...

No he’s trashed our bedroom. But I stayed out of the house all day

That’s what he was on. I’m devastated:(

If he's trashed your house call the police

They saw the mirror but he’d thrown a roof box onto the sofa so they just assumed he’d kicked it off the wall. They haven’t seen our bedroom, tv smashed haven’t really looked to see what else I’m to drained

Total shock for you. Don't keep his grubby secret. I would tell everyone the truth when they ask why you broke up. What a low life. I hope you are supported by friends and family.

Bastard. I hope you have people you can call on for support initially OP while you start on the legalities.

I do hope you are physically safe?

Please call the police about the damage he's caused, I think it gives sufficient grounds to be concerned for your own safety.

Have to agree with this. From a personal perspective my exh did a lot of things like this when I discovered his infidelity, and one of my biggest regrets years later is not doing more about it at the time.

Urgh what a scuzzer. At least you know now and can be rid of him. Better then spending the rest of your life with the grotbag. Im sorry it must have been a huge shock

Sending you strength .
Agree with others, get the police involved.

Call the police OP. For your own safety and to report the damage. That’s what they are there for to help us through when there’s a crisis.

Were you in the room when he violently trashed it? Are you safe? Do you need the police?

Report him trashing and destroying your possessions. He has no right to do that. Show him you will not turn a blind eye to abusive behaviour.
And it may be useful if he tries to fight for more child access than you think is fair.

Sorry your world has come crashing down. You must be all over the place. Tell anyone, don’t keep it secret - you will need support.

I'm so sorry 😔

Why the fuck has this degenerate wanker trashed the home his children live in, and who will see the damage?!

Leaving with his tail between his legs is one thing, but this is terrifying.

I echo everyone else, please call the police. Don't hold off, this is a hugely worrying reaction.

I'll "third" this.
The older children need to know - explained in age-appopriate terms - what is going on so that can protect themselves from any manipulation he throws their way.

I am so very sorry.