I was going to say the same,
He's using his tried and tested technique of ignoring what he doesn't want to discuss and turning it into an attack on you.
Hateful. OMG he is such an abusive pig.
I know its been said before but its NOT you @mummy917 It is most definitely him.
You've been left asking, Could you have done more? Well.. only if you'd bowed down before him and agreed with every single comment/instruction. Even that would'nt have been good enough for him.
But thank god you didn't because your children need you. Despite what you've been going through, you've always maintained a sense of fairness and have put your children first. Every single time. Unlike him.
Keep up the texting. Don't give that spiteful man any more chances to lash out at you, with the view that he's maybe getting used to the situation and would behave like a decent human being. He's never going to stop being so selfish and self centred.
When I read how much he was criticising and apportioning blame because you dared to ask him to pay for his son's rugby jumper (how very dare you!) It put me in mind of a duck that is gliding on the top of the water, without using his legs.. because he had his wife, paddling away with all her might... pushing him forwards to the best feeding spots whilst also rounding up the ducklings in a neat safe row, trying to do everything, whilst the duck quacks "faster, do better."
You don't have to waste your energy on him anymore. He's got to work harder on himself ( Good!) but he resents this so much because whilst he was gliding along with you as the engine... he had absolutely no idea how hard it was, how much effort it took, and now he's the one with the rude awakening .. and because he's got zero empathy and zero self awareness, he's reacted by taking it out on you. Unjustly.
I hate the idea that he's planted that he will explain to the children when they are old enough that it's all your fault. What a pathetic and poisonous idea... and once again he displays for all to see, his absolute lack of concern or understanding of what is best for his children.
Your children will know, even if they may not show it, who the parent looking out for them is, they will know, who the selfless, caring parent is.
I feel bad that you feel you will be blamed by your son for lack of rugby jumper. I'm not an expert, but I think at 10 he is old enough to say something to him, instead of letting him think that his DF is a paragon of virtue.. but there may be wiser heads along with better advice on that... because I understand that you don't want to get into a tit for tat scenario on that.. but I can understand why that feels awful because what he's really saying is that he can influence your son to behave like himself and hate you. But you must know, that won't happen. I feel your children will know who is looking out for them and caring for them. He's showing what a small and petty man he really is, if he wants to use the children for his selfish revenge. Children aren't fools. They will pick up on his attitude and they already know that you love them and can be relied on.
Also. Just because he makes these threats, doesn't mean that the DC will believe them. They will probably have plenty of evidence of times when he says things he doesn't mean, makes promises he breaks and by then will be used to taking what he says with a large pinch of salt. I've noticed with my adult DC that they don't much care, or don't really think about events that happened decades ago anyway. But they do remember that they were and are loved. as yours will x.