Is he cheating? Urgent advice please!

[mouseymouse123]

Need urgent advice please because I don't know what to make of this and I'm incapable of keeping my emotions in! Months ago I found the back of an earring on my bed and confronted DH because I'm sure it wasn't mine, he was very convincing that there was nothing untoward going on. Naive as this may sound I don't think he's the sort that would cheat, I don't see how he'd even have the time for it (he works full time and we have 2 young DC). So I chalked it up to the cleaner/something I'd forgotten that got caught up and moved inadvertently.

This evening I have just found half a fake nail on my upstairs landing and I have no explanation of where it could have come from. I've fully panicked and managed to look through DHs phone. I didn't find anything on WhatsApp, Facebook or text messages.

I do not know what to do. I want to confront him because I'm terrible at hiding my feelings but I assume if anything IS going on he will just play it off again. What should I do? Apologies for the rushed and possibly incoherent message! x

There’s blokes that cheat, of course there is, but it takes an exceptionally twisted, immoral peice of shit to bring another woman back to his family home, his marital bed.

I’ve known men that cheat, but I know for a fact none of them would be stupid enough to bring a woman to the home he shares with his wife and kids. Is he capable of this?

Prostitutes is another level again.

Ugh, dreadful.

If he was bringing OW to your home that’s high risk of being seen by neighbour and he’d have to change bedding. It’s unlikely.

I actually think the women left the earring back and the nail on purpose. To warn you.
As a uni student I spent a night with a man who I realised in the morning probably lived with a woman. He said he didn’t. I hid a lip gloss that I had in my handbag just under the bed. Far enough under he wouldn’t spot it, but I thought she would - if there was indeed a gf. Someone once did similar for me, when my bf cheated, I found a pair of grubby size 4 heels that were not mine in my wardrobe. Can only assume it was a message.

I had a fake nail on my floor not lone ago, i think it must have been on the bottom of my shoe, because i live alone and i dont use fake nails.
i once found a tiny stud on my bedroom floor no idea where it came from.

The majority of men are vile and lack discipline and self-control.

Be strong @mouseymouse123 and get yourself tested immediately.

Oh this is a really shit outcome. I'm sorry OP.

Revolting pig. The earring and the nail are pretty much the proof you need that they were in the house and even though the 'massage and conversation' is the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard, who gives a fuck. He brought prostitutes into the family home.

I believe they are pretty careful but you'll still need to get an STD test.

Handhold and solidarity OP.

Thank you all for the support, I truly appreciate it. I've made him leave and I'm an absolute wreck. My head is utter chaos, what the fuck do I do now? There is no way back from this. How do I deal with the short term? Any advice please? FYI we have two DDs (3 and 6). x

@mouseymouse123 He's expecting me to believe he used them for a conversation and a massage!

I'm a man. If I needed a massage, I would go to a message therapist. "Conversation and massage" means "Conversation and sex" here.

Many men find that prostitutes are amazingly good for conversation and listening. The majority of men have no friends, and suffer from depression. Men are unable to have deep conversations with men, only women. Because a prostitute is a person that's paid for time, and it's a 1 on 1 setting, some men find this a good setting for sharing thoughts, emotions, and feelings... it could be that he has felt unable to share thoughts and feelings, which is why he sought a prostitute (this is explanation, not justification).

Well, when I found a fake fingernail it turned out he was cross dressing.

Fucking hell. Men do not routinely use prostitutes to chat to 😳 use chatGPT or whatever…!

@Lmnop22 Fucking hell. Men do not routinely use prostitutes to chat to 😳 use chatGPT or whatever…!

Not "routinely" as most men don't pay for sex.

However, when men do have sex with prostitutes, the conversation is important also. Given the loneliness issue in men, men feel a lot better when they find a woman who seems to be listening to them.

No one wants to talk to a computer instead.

Wtaf??? If he wanted to "talk ", he could see a therapist, not a sex worker.

Was just coming on to say I’m way more suspicious than most on the first page and I’ve just got to the update. I’m so sorry OP. What a bastard.

Very strange that you seem to know so much about the emotional support of sex workers whilst not using them yourself.

Get off this thread and let women help the OP with her vile husband rather than suggesting if she had listened more or talked to him more maybe he wouldn’t have paid to shag other women 🙄

Helpful.

But not wrong.

@Lmnop22 rather than suggesting if she had listened more or talked to him more maybe he wouldn’t have paid to shag other women

I explicitly detailed a clarification:

"this is explanation, not justification"

Do you have other reasons to suspect cheating? Or any trust issues from the past? I do think you maybe need to take a step back and not let your emotions take over here, as it’s a big leap from finding a back of an earring and a false nail to your DH cheating.

I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I do think you need more proof than that - if you’re wrong, you’ll likely do a lot of damage with that accusation.

If I found either of those things when I was in a relationship, unless I had other reasons to suspect cheating, then these are not things that would make me at all suspicious.

I would really advise against your plan of acting like you know he’s cheating. There’s potentially an explanation for both items - I find the weirdest things in my house all the time and have no idea where they come from half the time.

ETA: Sorry, OP - I’ve just read your update, so please ignore my advice above. I’m really sorry and hope you’re doing okay 💕.

ODFOD

It’s neither explanation nor justification since you know nothing about her husband and your answer sure seemed to be justifying his behaviour as a poor put upon man. Just stop. Please!

Oh no what a fkn arsehole... ask him to leave the home so you can gather your thoughts.
Have you family or a close friend who could be with you x

On the contrary, my dear, the case is overwhelming.

Asking him to leave was the right thing to do.
It will give you chance to get over the shock of what you have discovered and give you chance to think about what you want going forward.
Do you have any family or close friends you can talk to?

If you feel this is a total deal breaker for you - which it would be for me - then seeking legal advice would be the best thing to do so you would have an idea of where you stand financially

F