New man confessed to past poor sexual behaviour. How bothered would you be?

[Inengland]

Been seeing a man for a few weeks. We get on famously. He seems kind, has his life sorted. I want to see more of him.

Last night he seemed nervous and told me he wanted to be honest and confess something. The something was that fifteen years ago he had sex with an ex-FWB when she was paralytic drunk and he was sober. Apparently he gave her a lift home after a work night out, some months after they'd last had sex. When they got back, he said she asked him to have sex with her, and despite her being too drunk to give informed consent he did anyway.
He said he'd regretted it ever since, even though she has never mentioned it again and the two of them are still friendly acquaintances.
What would you think of you heard this story? On the one hand I am pleased he told me, it was a long time ago and he obviously feels bad about it (worse than she does by the sound of it). On the other hand he did do it...

There are other men. Why this one?

I ended a relationship when the Caroline flak news flared up.

My then partner told me an anecdote in which I believe he thought himself to be some kind of hero, he had hit a woman, but ‘only’ because she was coming at him and in self defence.
i had met this ex and I found it very hard to believe he would have had to have hit her to overpower her.

I had never seen any signs of this in him but it was a youngish relationship. The way he defended himself didn’t sit right with me and it led me to wonder what else he wasn’t telling me or what he might be capable of.
Many people might say she got what she deserved, played with fire etc But I ended the relationship because it scared me, plus it’s not just me, I had younger kids then too.

years later another ex of his posted online that she had been a long term victim of abuse, she didn’t name names but the timeline she suggested, plus other people’s comments on her post made it clear to me, it was about my ex partner, I see it as a very lucky escape for me, even though I never knew ‘for sure’.

Just do the Claire’s law check and go from there

Yup, a “hmm…“ is enough to get outa there.

Highly unlinkey a man needs to hit a woman in self defence too. He could restrain her.

Well, several on this thread have said that drunk consent is not consent.

So presumably the corollary of that is it should be illegal for any drunk woman to have sex as they are not capable of consent? I mean, that's what they're effectively saying, isn't it?!

He just flew one of the biggest red flags around. He's an opportunistic rapist. And that's only what he's told you. There's more.

No way would I ever see him again.

Firstly I think you’re hyperbolising what some posters have said … having sex with someone who the OP’s boyfriend has directly described as paralytic and too drunk to consent is, I think, pretty hard to paint as anything other than rape. This is the situation those posters are commenting on.

Secondly, do you not grasp how consent works? You can’t make it illegal for someone to have sex when they are too drunk to consent because… they are too drunk to consent! What you are effectively proposing is that it should be illegal to get drunk in case you have sex that you are not in a fit state to consent to.

Having drunk sex is only an issue if one of the parties involved later has an issue with it. People are free to drink alcohol and have sex but the reality is that it’s not a risk-free activity and if you’re in the habit of getting wasted and getting naked (or getting naked sober with people who are wasted) then you need to recognise that you’re taking your chances that everyone is going to wake up happy in the morning.

"People are free to drink alcohol and have sex"

No they're not! Not when several posters have said quite clearly that drunk consent is not consent!

There’s a range of opinions on the thread and being argumentative based on an extreme version of the opinion of a small group that you’ve singled out isn’t helping the OP.