No sex after baby, what do I do?

[ISeeBlue]

Our baby is 7 months now and we only had sex for a bit after the birth (there was a sort of surge of hormones and it was rampant for a short period of time).

Now it’s been months since we last had sex. I am really confused as to what I am supposed to do. I am not happy living like this and it makes me miserable. I feel like my husband is trying to make a housemate out of me. He essentially wants to carry on as normal, be chatty and keep talking throughout the day in particular if he is working from the office but there is no sex, no affection, no intimacy of any kind. Because of this, I have felt distant from him and increasingly annoyed at him, and I find it hard to act all chatty and normal. I have communicated it to him in detail many times now, we’ve had long conversations. But nothing’s changed.

I resent him because he’s ruining my maternity leave. I am meant to be enjoying my baby but inevitably my marriage situation ends up making me feel flat. If I were single, I wouldn’t be dating at this point as my baby is too young and I am busy. But considering I am married and living under the same roof as my husband, I feel awful being so physically separated. I feel distant emotionally too because of that.

I just feel very angry at him sometimes particularly when I receive another breezy message talking about his day and asking about mine. I AM NOT YOUR HOUSEMATE.

Really, I feel trapped. I am not single and choosing not to date currently. I am married and denied intimacy. It feels humiliating and upsetting. I don’t want to leave just yet, it seems too early to exit and also I would like a sibling for my child from the same dad, whether we be together into old age or not. And he knows that too.

He himself says he feels emotionally distant and that’s why we aren’t having sex and I’m creating that emotional distance, again, because we aren’t having sex. It’s a vicious circle but I have tried to be all breezy and chatty and allow for some emotional intimacy however that hasn’t resulted in sex.

Does anyone have any advice for me? My thoughts are disjointed so I appreciate my post may be, too. I feel so upset. And stuck. I am 31 years old if that matters.

Lord, we’ve had dry spells for 6 months before. We are just exhausted raising young kids. No one pressures anyone, we just do it when we really want it, and that way it’s always really good too! No half arsed sex for me!

I feel like me and my partner completely disconnected after having our little one. I slept in a separate room with her for the first 6/7 months and this just added to the lack of intimacy and disconnect. I also felt we were more like roommates and eventually my relationship broke down completely (there were other reasons too but this definitely didn't help). I think communication is key, making sure you have honest conversations with each other about how you're feeling and tackle it early on before it's too late.

I agree with this. Men can be put off sex when it feels pressured just like women can. I know you've already disagreed with someone saying you need to rebuild your relationship without sex but I think it's really worth you considering that more. Just try having fun together, having nice deep chats, some romance and intimacy without the expectation of sex and wait for it to come naturally.

You make it sound like this man is just a sperm donor. You want sex, he doesnt. Perhaps he is worried? I think you should try to enjoy having your new family.

It’s usually the man who complains. But my experience mirrors yours OP, As noted, it’s still early days, for you. You are both still adjusting. In my case, it did not get better. He simply didn’t see me as his sexy wife anymore. Only the mother of his child. I wish you better luck. At some point, you might want to consider couples counseling.

Why is it horrible to want sex as a consenting adult? Everyone’s sex drive is different. Just because you’re happy to go 10 months without doesn’t mean everyone has to be. She has a right to be upset that the sex is gone from her relationship and he won’t even discuss the reasons why.

I don’t see where in the original post it says she’s been pressuring him but just as he has a right to say no, she has the right to feel upset about it. Prior to the baby they had a sexual relationship and now they don’t. That is upsetting for someone who enjoys sex. Good god you are so judgemental

Balderdash.

“My wife had a baby seven months ago. She won’t shag me. I’m expected to crack on and be a normal husband and Dad but she says she isn’t feeling it. I AM NOT HER HOUSEMATE.

I have also made it clear I expect her to provide me with a sibling for our child though I’m less bothered about whether our relationship actually lasts.”

Yeah that’s not cool now it’s a bloke is it?

Are you ok? I don’t see any of what you have written in the original post. Where does it say she isn’t bothered about the relationship???

Paragraph 5/7.

Here you go:

“I don’t want to leave just yet, it seems too early to exit and also I would like a sibling for my child from the same dad, whether we be together into old age or not. And he knows that too.”

If she wasn’t bothered about the relationship why would she care about the lack of sex?? She could literally just go out and cheat which let’s face it is what a man would do in her situation. There is NOTHING wrong with a woman liking and wanting sex.

I don’t know which part of “from the same dad” you’re having trouble with. Or did you just reply without reading anything at all?

I cannot speak for this poster but do you genuinely think that there aren’t people that find sex more important than their relationship?

I stand by the point. If a man said all of the above they would be condemned.

I think that’s bollocks. For a LOT of people sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Just because it’s not for you doesn’t mean you should judge others for feeling it is. Your relationship must be a right barrel of laughs. One shag a year and god forbid anyone mention wanting it more than that