Husband telling me to tell my friend to shut up on Christmas Day?

[samanthaoritz]

Currently living in Spain with my Spanish husband. Been here two years but increasingly feels isolating and I feel homesick. I wanted to get an honest view on a situation that happened. Is it that bad?

My friend came over to Spain to spend Christmas with me because I was feeling lonely, which I was really grateful for. On Christmas morning she got up around 8:30/9am and was excitedly FaceTiming her family and nephew. She was admittedly quite loud.

My husband had worked Christmas Eve and wanted a lie-in, so he started texting me telling me to make her be quiet. I felt embarrassed and didn't want to dampen her excitement because it was Christmas morning.
I was sitting outside having a coffee when my husband stormed downstairs, came into the garden and said, “Tell that bitch to shut up,” before going back upstairs.

I was absolutely mortified. I ended up hiding in the bathroom crying, and I remember very clearly thinking, “My friend gets to leave and escape this, but I'm stuck here with this person.”
Christmas is my favourite time of year and something I look forward to all year. My friend and I made a big roast dinner together—she cooked chicken and I cooked beef. My husband ate it without saying thank you or saying anything nice about it. The only comment I remember was, “Do you British people use gravy for your flavouring?”

Looking back, it wasn't really about someone wanting a lie-in or even about Christmas dinner. It was the atmosphere—the irritation, negativity and feeling embarrassed by my own husband when I was just trying to enjoy having my friend there and have a happy Christmas.

I’ve literally never seen a comment of yours where you haven’t defended the man in the situation.

I’m half Spanish, lived there until I was 18 then moved to the U.K. I’ve also lived in Italy and France. Britain has some absolutely excellent food. I am always happy to be served a good roast. Don’t speak for all Spaniards 🤷🏻‍♀️.

If he thinks that OP's cooking is rank, he could cook a Spanish Christmas Dinner instead. You have got no idea whether OP just serves him beans on toast for every meal but you are just making stuff up to upset a homesick OP struggling with her DH's mean behaviour.

I have read her previous thread and he is obviously horrible and I hope OP leaves him.

Has she said she doesn’t have any hobbies?

What a nasty bunch of cunts on this thread.

OP I’m so sorry this sounds like a horrible day for you. The fact you’re still thinking about it now suggests you’re not happy in your relationship. Have you considered leaving him?

Me too 😂

HE IS NOT SPANISH

I would agree with you. But - you don't need money to appreciate British food. I don't eat in posh restaurants - I can't afford to.

But I do watch the chefs on TV, read their stuff in the press, buy their books and try to cook their recipes. Oh - forgot to mention Simon Hopkinson and that bloke who used to have a restaurant in the Lakes.

It's not about money. You can be knowledgeable about cuisines without being necessarily able to afford to eat in chef-led restaurants. The poster I'm criticising is just ignorant and proud of it. As I said, anyone who thinks British food is beans on toast cannot be taken seriously.

She says he is in her opening post ? How do you know he isn’t?

Thanks, Jaimele!

I do feel sorry for the Spanish who mainly see the tourists who demand fish and chips when in Spain. They are an embarrassing lot.

I agree that British food (regional, traditional, made with local ingredients) can be as good as any other in the world. My husband is from Lancashire and makes a delicious Lamb Hotpot. Another regional speciality I recommend are Yorkshire Curd Tarts - delicious little lemony, nutmegy cheescakes a bit like the Portugese nata. Oh - and Staffordshire oatcakes - not the hard, biscuity oatcakes, which are very nice t hemselves with cheese/fruit/quince jelly etc, but the crepes. They are great served in so many ways, but don't seem to have made it down south yet! I buy them when I'm up in the midlands and north.

It doesn’t matter which country he’s from. The point still stands. If he was so unhappy with the quality of food cooked then rather than snippily comment, he could have got stuck in to help or cooked it himself

No, I just don't like abusive men and unfortunately it's clear from her other thread that OP has one of those for a husband.

If he wants a Spanish Christmas dinner, he can cook it. It's not automatically the woman's job to do all the cooking, particularly for someone as demanding and difficult as her husband.

Hopefully, this will be the last straw for OP and she will leave him before she has children so that she doesn't need to ever see him again.

Today's edition of woman putting up with horrific man. He's a git, OP. No normal man speaks to his wife like that - and the fact that he feels secure enough to use it to/about your friend speaks volumes. "Bitch" indeed. FFS why would you stay with someone like this?

I don';t know if you read much or listen to Radio 4 but I remember listening to a travelogue by a very experienced (I'd say hardened) traveller who was walking through the Carpathian Mountains - maybe about 30 years ago?

He stopped in tiny remote villages and found the locals to be incredibly hospitable and generous with their food. He was really grateful to them and respectful, but he said that the food they ate was absolutely the worst he'd ever encountered, anywhere in the world, consisting of chunks of grey fat and gristle in a thin broth, with no discernible flavouring. He struggled to get it down.

These people were very poor and I guess that's how most of us would have eaten in this country hundreds of years ago.

Since then the UK has developed an amazing food culture and I'm sorry for you that it seems to have somehow passed you by. Maybe do a bit of research, and try to get out more?

I’m totally baffled about why OP is getting such negative responses from some posters.

he sounds awful OP. Is there a reason you can’t leave? I’m guessing if it’s a 2 year relationship there are no kids involved?

He sounds unpleasant and rude.
Is that how he is frequently or was it a one-off?

He's rude and spoilt, and it's very unlikely he'll change; so you need to decide if you can live with him.

OP I’m shocked at some of the responses on here - these are some of the nastiest I’ve seen on here, yet you’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it.

What help do you need to leave this awful man?

Some posters really thrive on being mean and goady to the OP, irrespective of what she has posted about. It's often only to be expected on AIBU threads but this is the Relationships board and I would expect more considered and mature responses. Unfortunately, all the Mumsnet twats seem to have descended onto this thread with their pearls of wisdom and complete lack of empathy.

I think what has confused people a lot is that she has changed the country. So much of what she has said seems not to make any sense for a person being in Spain. And a husband people assumed was Spainish. She notified the thread this morning in the early hours that no, she is not in Spain after all.
What would have been helpful would have been to say I have changed the location …. From the beginning.
If she is in the US as some have said the things said change a lot. Picking a country where the whole food, eating, culture and Xmas celebrations are so very different was confusing I think for a lot of people.

It's 8 months since this incident so presumably things haven't improved in the last 8 months.

Your use of the words 'escape' and 'stuck' speak volumes.

You are desperately unhappy. Go home.

He sounds like a horrible person to live with. I would make my arrangements to leave him and go back to where you have friends and/or family.

@samanthaoritz LTB.
What's stopping you?
Come home.

A relationship should be fun and easy and no one should speak to you like this man does. I would leave. I don't understand why you are staying with him. he makes you miserable. What positives does he add to your life?

What’s a ‘save are women’ type?