Husband telling me to tell my friend to shut up on Christmas Day?

[samanthaoritz]

Currently living in Spain with my Spanish husband. Been here two years but increasingly feels isolating and I feel homesick. I wanted to get an honest view on a situation that happened. Is it that bad?

My friend came over to Spain to spend Christmas with me because I was feeling lonely, which I was really grateful for. On Christmas morning she got up around 8:30/9am and was excitedly FaceTiming her family and nephew. She was admittedly quite loud.

My husband had worked Christmas Eve and wanted a lie-in, so he started texting me telling me to make her be quiet. I felt embarrassed and didn't want to dampen her excitement because it was Christmas morning.
I was sitting outside having a coffee when my husband stormed downstairs, came into the garden and said, “Tell that bitch to shut up,” before going back upstairs.

I was absolutely mortified. I ended up hiding in the bathroom crying, and I remember very clearly thinking, “My friend gets to leave and escape this, but I'm stuck here with this person.”
Christmas is my favourite time of year and something I look forward to all year. My friend and I made a big roast dinner together—she cooked chicken and I cooked beef. My husband ate it without saying thank you or saying anything nice about it. The only comment I remember was, “Do you British people use gravy for your flavouring?”

Looking back, it wasn't really about someone wanting a lie-in or even about Christmas dinner. It was the atmosphere—the irritation, negativity and feeling embarrassed by my own husband when I was just trying to enjoy having my friend there and have a happy Christmas.

If you don't have kids then you're not in prison.
You can just come home. Do it.

Yeah Viviennemary has some weird views and posts some nasty comments, I’ve noticed this too.

Come home OP. Stay with your friend and have as much gravy as you want!

You need to read the OP's other thread before posting stuff like this.

@samanthaoritz please leave this man. He is abusive and you don't deserve it.

You can go back home when you feel lonely.
You can leave him if youre unhappy.

Yes, I thought it was a very odd thing to say as well! Just ignore @Viviennemary

What is it that’s keeping you from leaving him

Quite right. Your husband has no manners or social skills. I think you should have gone to your friend and, “ I know how excited you are, Michelle, but Ramon is sleeping. Could you tone it down some or move to another room?” That’s not too much to ask.

its not my problem if a grown adult has no manners or social skills, and it was christmas day i dont think 9am is unreasonable to be making noise. especially with an international guest in the house

So what has happened since Christmas? Is this an isolated incident or has your husband continued to be a jerk?

Good question.

This.
I expect your hard-working husband felt his nose was pushed out by you having your friend there.
Couldn't she have come another time ?

Why was it a mistake to have a friend for Xmas ? Op has explained she is lonely and isolated .

Because her husband was working late and wanted a lie-in the next day.

If she's "lonely and isolated" why not get a job?

Oh did op say she hasn’t got a job ? Must say I never seen that part!
You can work and be lonely .

I don't know.
Maybe she needs a hobby ?

@samanthaoritz it's August 2026.
It's your call and you know you can't justify staying.

I don't think an adult needs to be making shit loads of noise on Christmas morning when parts of the household were working the night before

I think this is where people are getting confused. He wasn’t working nights. He got home at 4pm the day before and went to sleep at 11pm

Why are you still there? Your body is telling you Get out of there. Listen to it.

Go home. You are wanted there.

No one said my husband was working nights. He doesn’t. He was home by 4pm the night before

no where did I say I don’t have a job.

OK.

So are you really isolated (like halfway up the Pyrenees or in the Sierra de Guara Natural Park) ? Or do you just feel isolated.

Are there any English people where you are that you could meet occasionally and socialise with?

I don’t know what’s going on with some of these responses OP but his behaviour was dreadful. Name calling, rudeness. This can’t be isolated and I suspect that’s why you feel isolated. If you are unhappy you should come home and initiate divorce proceedings because life is just too short to feel like you do.

Nooo @Viviennemary is an ardent man defender. Even abusive ones. I mean, they also enjoy kicking posters when they are down so two birds and all that.

You need to get away from this man @samanthaoritz he isn't one of the good ones.
Do you want to?

Is 9am really 'so early' @viviennemary?