Husband telling me to tell my friend to shut up on Christmas Day?

[samanthaoritz]

Currently living in Spain with my Spanish husband. Been here two years but increasingly feels isolating and I feel homesick. I wanted to get an honest view on a situation that happened. Is it that bad?

My friend came over to Spain to spend Christmas with me because I was feeling lonely, which I was really grateful for. On Christmas morning she got up around 8:30/9am and was excitedly FaceTiming her family and nephew. She was admittedly quite loud.

My husband had worked Christmas Eve and wanted a lie-in, so he started texting me telling me to make her be quiet. I felt embarrassed and didn't want to dampen her excitement because it was Christmas morning.
I was sitting outside having a coffee when my husband stormed downstairs, came into the garden and said, “Tell that bitch to shut up,” before going back upstairs.

I was absolutely mortified. I ended up hiding in the bathroom crying, and I remember very clearly thinking, “My friend gets to leave and escape this, but I'm stuck here with this person.”
Christmas is my favourite time of year and something I look forward to all year. My friend and I made a big roast dinner together—she cooked chicken and I cooked beef. My husband ate it without saying thank you or saying anything nice about it. The only comment I remember was, “Do you British people use gravy for your flavouring?”

Looking back, it wasn't really about someone wanting a lie-in or even about Christmas dinner. It was the atmosphere—the irritation, negativity and feeling embarrassed by my own husband when I was just trying to enjoy having my friend there and have a happy Christmas.

He behaved very rudely.
You are not happy.
Can you move back to the UK?
Do it.
Don't have children there if you are not happy.

Yes, you can always guarantee if a there’s a completely different reaction to a post than everyone else it’s going to be Viv.

I don't think it's imagination, it's Debs projecting his own life..

But alas, neither OP nor her husband are in Spain

She's not interested in cooking Spanish food. Neither would I be - it's disgusting. The man sounds like a silly child who needs to grow up.

Oh no ?
"Currently living in Spain with my Spanish husband."

I think the husband was very restrained. He could have said "Tua amiga es una puta !" (But he didn't)

Spanish food disgusting? What nasty thing to say about another culture. I'll be reporting that. Racism should never be tolerated.

OP, you know you don't have to stay with this man, don't you? You don't mention any children. Why don't you come back to the UK? You have at least one good friend here. Your husband (in both of your threads) sounds really horrible. Marrying him wasn't a life sentence - you could divorce him easily.

Feel free. 😁

To be honest I wouldn't want to be woken up Christmas morning by a stranger loudly fa etiming in my house, when I had worked the day before and had probably had drinks with friends afterwards (and was probably a little hung over).
Your husband didn't object to having your friend stay over Christmas, traditionally a family time in both Spain and England.
He asked you to sort it and you decided not to- so it's on you easily as much as it's on him.

Did you not read the Op?

OP isn't in Spain if you read the thread properly.
OP there are people on this thread who believe calling women bitches is fine and that men shouldn't have to cook and them slagging off a Christmas dinner that's been cooked for them instead of saying thank you is also fine. Their standards are on the floor so ignore them.

This is from someone who wrote about "cooking disgusting English food for her greasy fat Nigel husband"

You can dish it out but you can't take it. 😂

Bullshit. It's a lazy boring old fashioned stereotype that some people still have and they think is funny, but most people appreciate a roast dinner or an English breakfast even if they are fussy

I have read it and that's what it says.

Have you read OP's most recent post?

Hi - it's always useful to read all of an ops post before commenting on a thread, I think. You can do that by clicking on 'See all' - which is with every Op first post

'OP posts: See all'

Some of the responses on here are very strange.

A grown man who’d been asleep for 10 hours refers to a visiting guest as a bitch on Christmas morning because she was talking to her family (who were in a different country where it was likely 3pm-ish and therefore may be the only gap in their day that they could speak) on the phone and it’s somehow OP’s fault? Is there any reason this grown man couldn’t have gone and asked the guest himself to keep it down if it was such an issue?

I’m sure at least half the people responding negatively don’t think twice about their kids waking the neighbours up when they start running about at 6am on Christmas Day, yet apparently a man having to haul his arse out of bed at 9am is where the line is drawn

Curious as to why you’re asking about this in August when it happened at Christmas? Has it been brought up or has something else happened?

It was very inconsiderate of her to be noisy when he has been working at night also Christmas day isn't a big deal in Spain it's Xmas Eve and kings day so he probably doesn't "get it". A traditional Christmas dinner is weird to Spanish people so he was just commenting on that. (Who doesn't like gravy but still !!!)

You aren't happy and that's what needs addressing

He wasn’t working at night, OP commented that he finished work at 4pm the day before. They’re also not in Spain and are actually in the US so very much a big deal there!

One minute he has been working Christmas Eve and needs a lie in. Which suggests to a Brit they got home really late on Christmas Eve.
He got home at 4pm and went to bed at 11pm.
Many Spainish people at 11pm would have not long finished eating their dinner at that point. Some would still be eating it.
I assume too he didn’t go to Midnight mass.

Just read your replies and you are only replying (and disagreeing) to the people who can see his side of the story.

This would indicate you are just looking for a reason to leave him and have everyone agree with you.

Just leave him if you want but he wasn't insanely unreasonable, rude of him but he did have a grown adult guest being noisy in his home so there is 2 sides to it.

It was 8 months ago, any other issues since then?