Husband telling me to tell my friend to shut up on Christmas Day?

[samanthaoritz]

Currently living in Spain with my Spanish husband. Been here two years but increasingly feels isolating and I feel homesick. I wanted to get an honest view on a situation that happened. Is it that bad?

My friend came over to Spain to spend Christmas with me because I was feeling lonely, which I was really grateful for. On Christmas morning she got up around 8:30/9am and was excitedly FaceTiming her family and nephew. She was admittedly quite loud.

My husband had worked Christmas Eve and wanted a lie-in, so he started texting me telling me to make her be quiet. I felt embarrassed and didn't want to dampen her excitement because it was Christmas morning.
I was sitting outside having a coffee when my husband stormed downstairs, came into the garden and said, “Tell that bitch to shut up,” before going back upstairs.

I was absolutely mortified. I ended up hiding in the bathroom crying, and I remember very clearly thinking, “My friend gets to leave and escape this, but I'm stuck here with this person.”
Christmas is my favourite time of year and something I look forward to all year. My friend and I made a big roast dinner together—she cooked chicken and I cooked beef. My husband ate it without saying thank you or saying anything nice about it. The only comment I remember was, “Do you British people use gravy for your flavouring?”

Looking back, it wasn't really about someone wanting a lie-in or even about Christmas dinner. It was the atmosphere—the irritation, negativity and feeling embarrassed by my own husband when I was just trying to enjoy having my friend there and have a happy Christmas.

Assume you don’t have DC re the lie-in comment, as kids normally up at the crack of dawn on Xmas. Def think carefully if you want to be with this man.

if he went to bed at 11pm and slept until 9am that’s 10 hours. It sounds like your friend’s voice and voices through FT were annoying him - which is fine as we all get triggered by different sounds - but there are ways of expressing that annoyance.

Oh - I get it now - you’re a bloke whose wifey gave them beans on toast when you expected something better.

Diddums! Suggest you learn to cook yourself.

Your friend was being rude and inconsiderate. You do not make unnecessary noise if someone is asleep. 9am on a non-work day is still early for many people.

Are you British? I am too. You don't have to pretend that everything we do is fantastic you know, our food is terrible and our men are hideous. See. I said it and I didn't burst into flames.

Thinking the sun shines out our arses is what led us to go around the world and impose ourselves on folks who were just minding their own business and not hurting anybody. Have some humility hun Xx

Hi OP
I think some of the responses on here are unbelievable, these people have internalised misogyny.

Your husband sounds awful, a real nasty bully. You don't need to live with that. Come home x

If he wanted 'something Spanish' (BTW Spanish friends of mine have a roast for Christmas and say that's a perfectly Spanish thing to do, if that doesn't blow your mind), he could have cooked it himself, couldn't he?

OP, there's no universe in which my DP would use the words 'that bitch' about a friend of mine. Or anyone, for that matter. You know you need to leave.

This with bells on ⬆️

Then move in with your friend. Have lots of loud laughter fun and phone calls!

Eat questionable British food (I love a fizzy cola bottle or ten and hula hoops for tea). laugh at the grumpy angry sad man you left behind :). He'll always be that man - but you don't need to be the woman with him.

Then perhaps he should cook!

You have clearly led a very strange life. I’m sorry about that but don’t dump it on others.

What are the kisses for?

Why should he? Clearly this is the arrangement they have and he probably works all day while she's sat at home eating crisps and watching love island. She should be making Spanish food if she's in Spain with a Spanish husband.

The shouting would be annoying if he was trying to lie in, but "tell that bitch to shut up"?? What the actual hell? I know he might have been annoyed, but to refer to her as a bitch is out of order.

Even if it was out of character, he's shown his true colours. He could have said "what the hell, keep it down!" or who's the foghorn?" etc.

We had my sister and her children staying a few years ago when they were in their younger, shouty phase, running around the house and breaking stuff accidentally (they're now mid teens and would definitely be embarrassed if I told them) and annoying as it was, not once did my partner or I lose our tempers. Just had a quiet word with my sister.

Christmas was 8 months ago.
Your friend was inconsiderate.
Your husband sounds like an arse and you clearly aren't happy with him.

What's stopping you from leaving him and coming home?

This incident was 8 months ago, but still sounds fresh in your mind. Sounds like you need to think seriously about what you want - you sound lonely and unhappy living there

Why aren’t you leaving him OP? Does he have your passport or some other hold over you? It doesn’t sound as if you have children, so to pack up and leave will be hard but possible?

Do you have access to money and a car so you can make an escape back to the UK?

You don’t need our permission to leave, of course he sounds awful, but you need to decide yourself that enough is enough.

Your friend sounds inconsiderate and annoying. I cannot abide performative screeching, and would have told her to shut up too.

Your H sounds joyless and clearly has contempt for you.

The change of country though.. Ridiculous and will affect the replies you get due to the different cultures you have chosen to purposely confuse. Next time if you want to hide the fact you are in the USA, say Canada.

Your replies on this thread have been arguing the toss about your friend. Your issues are far far bigger than that. Use the time posters are giving you to explore your options instead of reliving an incident 8 months ago.

That poster is stuck in the 50s and thinks calling women bitches is fine. Best to ignore

@DebbieSavage Are you a man or woman?

Perhaps he could have cooked instead. He could have offered the OP Spanish food as he is Spanish and in Spain.

Why are people being such pricks to the OP? So she changed some details, most people do.

Sounds like Debbie and Vivienne are a perfect couple.

My love, @samanthaoritz its not your friend, it’s not the time, its not even the food.

its him.

he’s showing you who he is. This isn’t a man who will ever make you happy, he’s deliberately ruining your Christmas and your friends visit.

bet she will think twice about coming back to visit, eh?

that’s what he wanted to achieve. He’s isolating you and wearing you down.

you do need to leave him love.

You sound delightful. 🙄

Debbie Savage and Vivienne - they're probably the same happy bloke

You have such a vivid imagination @DebbieSavage 😂