Husband telling me to tell my friend to shut up on Christmas Day?

[samanthaoritz]

Currently living in Spain with my Spanish husband. Been here two years but increasingly feels isolating and I feel homesick. I wanted to get an honest view on a situation that happened. Is it that bad?

My friend came over to Spain to spend Christmas with me because I was feeling lonely, which I was really grateful for. On Christmas morning she got up around 8:30/9am and was excitedly FaceTiming her family and nephew. She was admittedly quite loud.

My husband had worked Christmas Eve and wanted a lie-in, so he started texting me telling me to make her be quiet. I felt embarrassed and didn't want to dampen her excitement because it was Christmas morning.
I was sitting outside having a coffee when my husband stormed downstairs, came into the garden and said, “Tell that bitch to shut up,” before going back upstairs.

I was absolutely mortified. I ended up hiding in the bathroom crying, and I remember very clearly thinking, “My friend gets to leave and escape this, but I'm stuck here with this person.”
Christmas is my favourite time of year and something I look forward to all year. My friend and I made a big roast dinner together—she cooked chicken and I cooked beef. My husband ate it without saying thank you or saying anything nice about it. The only comment I remember was, “Do you British people use gravy for your flavouring?”

Looking back, it wasn't really about someone wanting a lie-in or even about Christmas dinner. It was the atmosphere—the irritation, negativity and feeling embarrassed by my own husband when I was just trying to enjoy having my friend there and have a happy Christmas.

What was going on with my response anyway, is that this is from another running thread where the OP is supposedly homesick and isolated living in the US with a shit husband.

I just keep thinking of christmas day when i cried on my own in the bathroom because he shouted about my friend who came to visit me was 'being to loud on the phone' whilst he was trying to have a lie in.... i LOVE christmaso so much, it makes me feel warm and internally happy and it was ruined.

I've reported, but I guess it's nighttime moderation, so...

No idea what people get from doing this.

Hi. I have changed the location because I don’t want my partners family to identify me. Please stop the hate. I’ve changed a country for my safety not killed someone. I’ve spoken to mumsnet and they said lots of people change locations for safety.

9 am isn't early on Christmas morning.

Rubbish. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a traditional roast with the Christmas trimmings.

If you don't have children I would leave him immediately and then go to. Solicitor. If you do then go to a solicitor and then leave.

No. Because, Christmas.

He sounds awful OP, really awful.

There are so many factors other than kids that could potentially prevent a person from leaving a relationship without a moment's notice, especially if they are considering abandoning ship and moving back to their home country. Emeshed lives, joint finances, lack of support, mortgages, pets, cars on finance, the professional ramifications of walking out of a job without giving notice and having nowhere else to go as their monthly payments are tied up in their current home. Most people will still be liable to pay their rent or mortgage despite no longer living there. This is incredibly challenging if you have walked out of your job and have to pay to keep another roof over your head.

8.30/9am is not early on Christmas morning, especially when she has young relatives opening presents etc.
I’d say he’s not a keeper, make this Xmas better.

At 9am on Christmas Day? Give it a rest.

Who needs the patriarchy when we’ve got women like you validating and justifying abusive behaviour from men.

You are unhappy OP. Why don’t you feel that you can leave the marriage?

You need to leave OP. He has been like this for years, he will not change.

Look, obviously his behaviour wasn't acceptable at all.. You know this. But it was a long time ago. He was having a sleep in, your friend ruined it and he was cranky and rude about it. I know I've thought all sorts of hateful thoughts about people who disturb me when I'm sleep deprived.

Is he normally like this? Because if he is always a cranky bastard who spoils occasions for you, that's the important thing and what you should be worrying about. If your marriage is generally good and you're stewing on that one time he lost his temper 8 months ago, I am genuinely puzzled as to why you are posting about it twice now.

Do you have something organised for this Christmas?

Then don’t respond. Is it by force you engage? As though this isn’t a two-way street: OPs get advice and posters get entertained by other people’s business.

My friend gets to leave and escape this, but I'm stuck here with this person.

I think this is the more concerning part of this story, OP. It sounds like you are generally unhappy in this situation. Can you visit home and reflect on whether you want to stay in this marriage?

You are lonely, miserable and want to go home!
That should be this year's Christmas present!

I can see why you’re feeling lonely and isolated. That won’t change while you are with this man. He should have been happy for you to have your friend there for your sake, and a mindset of making her welcome. Instead he actively resented her being there and I think would have found fault with something. It sounds like you’ve made all the sacrifices, you’ve moved so he doesn’t have to change his life, and he doesn’t care about your happiness at all.

I hope you start thinking about leaving, and please don’t trap yourself with a baby (you don’t mention children so hopefully that’s not a barrier?!) Make a plan for a life away from him and come back home. I don’t believe you feel the way you do just because of the distance from UK, I think it’s because of who you are with and that won’t get better.

How do you know it's her actual location?

Ignore this poster, their emotional intelligence is not very good, or they do it to be contrary .

yes inconsiderate to be loud but god anyone who uses language like bitch really hates women I find.

Bonkers response.

8.30 to 9 is not early on Christmas morning.

Whatever the situation he had a duty to be polite to a guest in his home.

He sounds like a caveman.

Maybe he should have cooked her something! 🦨

There’s no gene which means you are the only one who can cook.

I will get cancelled for this but I’ve always assumed those two unpleasant posters are men using drag artist names😂😂😂. Got to be, surely?

Whatever, they seem to be sad people who use MN to take their rage against the world.

Well clearly there is. Ask anyone who is not British and they will tell you that our food is rank! She should have made something Spanish, that way it would have been nicer and he probably wouldn't have been in such a mood tbh.

I get the feeling this is a common occurrence in their household and he is simply sick of it. There's only so many times you can stomach being served beans on toast by your British spouse until things start to go downhill.

1. You have been eating the wrong British foood! Either that or you are being ignorant deliberately.
2. What’s stopping him cooking some of his marvellous cuisine for her?
3. Are you living in 1955?