How do I broach this delicately.

[1971girl]

I have a lovely male friend I have been friends with for a long time. He has discussed his life and I have discussed mine snd my past relationship problems with him. He has been having a bad time lately. A bereavement. He is a lovely person and I think I could possibly see a romantic aspect to us if only he would get his teeth sorted. He dresses very well. I know he has talked about this but honestly, he needs to act. If he did, I think i would be interested in pursuing our friendship to a romantic level but I just don't know how to bring this up without seeming like a superficial cow! It is life! His teeth are bad and unfortunately we are judged on our appearance. No nasty comments please. I really like him but I don't know how to bring this up in a delicate manner without hurting him and ruining the friendship we have.

Aren't gum problems associated with heart disease - as in they can somehow trigger heart disease?

Apart from anything else, poor gum health can be painful for the person concerned.

All of that unfortunately.

I don’t blame you, but to me it’s the bigger picture. Is he too lazy to clean them and why. Does he need a mummy in his life to give him instructions.

If he’s talked about it, he must be fully aware how bad they are.

Can he afford to get them sorted out?

A friend of mine (ex dental nurse) got her BF to get his done (they were probably some of the worst teeth I’ve seen), and the transformation was amazing.

….David, I was wondering how have you got on with getting your teeth sorted out? Oh you haven’t, ok I’ll give you a hand …

Be bold and jolt this man into action.

Why didn't you clarify that in the first place?
We'd have probably all agreed with you re stinky breath & not cleaning them.

If you are close, emotionally, you have to tell him.

I think I'd start a convo about dentists and where you go.
You could ask where he goes.

It won't be exactly tactful whichever way you do it. But it has to be done.

You could bring health into it- risks of heart disease and dementia with gum inflammation.

He may have a dental phobia but that is no excuse for not keeping them clean.

TBH I'd find it hard to fancy any man with bad teeth- I find good teeth attractive.
If a man needed prompting, I'd not bother as I'd assume we weren't suited.

I would book a treatment for myself, like whitening or a clean of some sort, and then tell him and use that as a way to bring the conversation up again. Then try to find out why he is putting it off and see if that inspires him to do something for himself.

It's a really difficult conversation, one I tried to have but made a mess of it years ago. I'd maybe start getting a bit more flirty with him and see how he reacts, then maybe wouldn't be so bad to mention the teeth situation. It's always a bit awkward when you really fancy someone but there's a downside to him.

Thats not superficial. Goid oral heath and hygiene are major indicators of heath physically and mentally. Its a sign you don't take care of yourself

I’d separate the two things so your (potential) relationship doesn’t feel transactional.

Encourage him to sort his teeth out - then make a move.

Does he have bad breath? Just thinking this is not purely superficial. Rotting teeth usually means that, but can also lead to dangerous health conditions. I think i would carefully introduce people i "work with, or know, who have had their teeth transfixed by gentle dentists they can recommend, who havr changed their lives" obvs you will have to do some digging to find a good dentist or two locally. You could offer to go with, if it gets that far. Bad breath is repulsive, even just smokers breath would be a no-no for me. Having kissed one years ago, i literally retched!