How do I broach this delicately.

[1971girl]

I have a lovely male friend I have been friends with for a long time. He has discussed his life and I have discussed mine snd my past relationship problems with him. He has been having a bad time lately. A bereavement. He is a lovely person and I think I could possibly see a romantic aspect to us if only he would get his teeth sorted. He dresses very well. I know he has talked about this but honestly, he needs to act. If he did, I think i would be interested in pursuing our friendship to a romantic level but I just don't know how to bring this up without seeming like a superficial cow! It is life! His teeth are bad and unfortunately we are judged on our appearance. No nasty comments please. I really like him but I don't know how to bring this up in a delicate manner without hurting him and ruining the friendship we have.

If you were really into him his teeth wouldn't matter.
However have the conversation with him about his teeth, but just be prepared he might not be that into you.
Or on the other hand hopefully the feeling is reciprocal (about getting together) and you can always gently push him to pin down that first dentist appointment.
He might be dithering because he's scared, finances or he's one of those getting round to it people.

He has expressed romantic feelings towards me. I think we would be compatible but this is life and I can't be with someone with bad oral hygiene. This is the only issue but I just want him to want to improve his looks, health and life as I know his teeth do bother him. Yes we can go on about superficial things but come on!

Sorry but you can bring it up but saying you can’t be with him because of it does make you superficial and if you’re not into him enough to be with him, let him find someone who is and then he might decide to take action (if he can because he might just have bad teeth!)

If I was grieving, and a ‘friend’ chose that time to tell me they’d date me if I sorted out a physical imperfection - especially if it was something that I already felt insecure about - I’d probably never speak to them again.

Imagine if someone told you, for example, that they would only find you attractive if you lost 20lb and had a nose job. How great would that make you feel?

It is impossible for you to say this to him without sounding superficial, because it IS superficial!

Encourage him to get his teeth done if you think it would make him happy, but don’t give him more things to feel bad about if he is already dealing with a bereavement!

You have to tell him. But frame it in a concern for his health as well as it being off putting for you if you were to become romantically involved. If he is concerned himself then he's not oblivious to it.
You are just going to have to say it. You can offer alot of support to get it sorted. We can do this together, sort of thing.
Ask what the fundamental issue is about not sorting it. Fear, cost, lazy. Lazy not acceptable. Others you can work with him.

Just negotiate. If he gets his teeth fixed to be more handsome for you, you'll get plastic surgery to be prettier for him. Easy.

My DP had a front tooth missing when I met him didn't bother me one bit.
Although he eventually got round to having it fixed, it was his decision.

How would you feel if he met someone else who didn't care about his teeth?

Rightly so you are allowed to have your non negotiables.

Btw what is the reason behind your friend's teeth or lack of them?
And if they bother him so much why hasn't he got round to sorting them?

Do you know why he has not had dental treatment in his teeth? Do you know I can be a huge cost and major work.
Gosh how very superfical...he deserves someone better.
No we owe you no simpathetic ear or advice than move on he deserves better.

They bloody well would matter. I wouldnt even think about having s relationship with a man with stinking rotten teeth ever. I cannot bear poor dental hygiene. Yuck.

Bad oral hygiene is completely different to physical imperfections. It's not superficial to have an issue with a partner that has poor oral hygiene and can't be overcome if you are really into someone. This isn't about crooked teeth from what the OP says. This is about bad breath from bad teeth. Not many can be so into someone they can get past that.

Bad teeth are just not a superficial thing. It's a hygiene issue and the health issue. If he realizes he has bad teeth has he said why he hasn't got them fixed or cleaned?

My partner's breath smelt fine btw as he was fastidious in cleaning them.
His tooth was missing due to an accident.
NHS dentists if you pardon the pun were as rare as hens teeth still are, and he didn't have the money at the time to go private.

Some people are genetically predisposed to poor teeth and the cost of dental treatment is prohibitively expensive for some and the public dental system is recognised as in crisis at the moment, and some people are absolutely terrified of seeing a dentist. So it's not about blame or judgement, more about an honest conversation about it bring a serious turn off that means there wont be a relationship but, if you get it sorted, I'm all yours😁

@1971girl Perhaps he can't afford to see a dentist? There are no NHS dentists taking on anywhere near where I live. Last week I went privately as I needed a filling and it cost me £200 which is almost half of my weekly income.

You're right. My mum moved 60 miles and kept her national health dentist of 30 years because she would never get one again at 84 years old. She travels 60 miles and stays over night to see him.
There's loads of people who just can't access affordable dental treatment or have no resources to pay for it.

well I am sure he is well aware of his imperfections. If his breath smells then you need to be honest about that. My DP had awful teeth when we met and he has now paid 20 grand to get them fixed, My teeth arent great but don't have 20 grand right now. When you say they are awful, what is it that makes them awful? like is there gaps or yellow or crooked?

Exactly. One of my friend's travels around a 100 miles to her home town to see her longstanding dentist.

NHS Dental Services in this country are a joke.

There's no delicate way to approach it so you don't. You're not attracted to him and that's enough. If he's going to do anything about is teeth he will do it in his own time, and then you're free to change your mind.

I'll tell my mum she's not the only one doing this 😁

If you can’t be with him because of his teeth, you can’t be with him .

It is tricky to bring up dental hygiene without hurting feelings, but a gentle, honest conversation is usually best if you see a long-term future together.

I agree and the thought of it is absolutely disgusting to me. I would not go within a mile of anyone with bad dental hygiene as I would be thinking ‘what else are they not bothered to clean’. It’s revolting.

I wouldn’t say it to him, he knows. He doesn’t care enough to fix his own breath how can he care about you. I would be grateful you are aware of it before it goes any further.

Surely it’s massive personality flaw if someone has poor oral hygiene? Wonky teeth…not a problem. Yellow furry teeth and bad breath…revolting…nobody I would want to be in a relationship with would let their teeth get like that. It’s gross and I would not be kissing that mouth in a million years.

Tell him you are booking a dental appointment and ask if he would like you to make an appointment for him to . That will break the ice so to speak .

Some people have naturally bad looking teeth. They haven't done anything wrong for them to be yellow, it's just how they are and how they remain without cosmetic dentistry.