Ex is getting married and his wife to be says my baby cant come

[TreadlngWater]

Im not really sure what to do about this and I might be being unreasonable but I honestly dont know

My ex is getting married in a couple of months and me and our children have been invited, we actually got on really well until quite recently and I thought everything was fine between us

Im 35 weeks pregnant now and obviously the baby will be here by the wedding, I was told by his wife to be that the baby isnt invited which I understand its their wedding and they can invite who they want but I dont feel comfortable leaving my baby for the whole day when they will only be a newborn

She has also said she doesnt want the children to be "unaccompanied" because their dad will obviously be busy getting married and wont be able to watch them the whole time

I dont really understand what she expects me to do because if I bring the baby then apparently thats not ok, but if I dont bring the baby then im expected to leave a newborn somewhere and still go to the wedding?

I could obviously just not go but then the children would miss their dads wedding which I dont think is fair on them either

Ive tried to speak to my ex about it but hes basically saying he doesnt want any drama and that we should just work something out, which is easier said than done

The children are excited about the wedding and have already been talking about it, so I dont want to tell them they cant go because his wife to be doesnt want my baby there

I dont want to cause a problem for them or make their wedding about me, I just dont see how this is meant to work

If you were the wife to be would you expect the mum to leave a newborn at home for this or if you were me would you just say no and not go?

Maybe im being dramatic but I honestly dont feel comfortable leaving the baby and I dont think thats an unreasonable thing to say

It sounds as though she doesn't want you to attend but is not prepared to actually say that.
You can't leave a new born baby for a full day if you plan to breastfeed
Sorry all I can suggest is you ask your ex's parents to supervise the children. If they are not prepared to DK that you will have to decline and tell your ex and the children why they can't go.

Hang on a minute, she's tolerating the ex wife being there. A lot of women wouldn't. A baby is probably a step too far.

So you are just there as childcare for the grooms children? While I appreciate you are their mother, if you weren’t there surely some other family member could look after them? An uncle, grandfather for example?

All this leave it to the women to manager the children and the drama nonsense is tiring

First post nails it. I wouldn't be going to my ex's wedding. His DC he can arrange for them to be looked after.

The baby will only be a few weeks old she is planning to breastfeed him. She can't leave him for a whole day

Remove yourself from the equation. It’s not your responsibility to take the kids to their dads wedding, let them know you won’t be coming and that they will need to sort arrangements for his children. You don’t need to be involved and if they decide they’re not invited then they can tell the children that. So weird to expect you to go and look after them when they know you’ll have a newborn

This. Exactly this. It's the only response.

You're not creating drama; the bride is potentially. This message says you understand and accept the bride's position, so they'll need to sort childcare for his own children at the wedding since you won't be able to do it under the circumstances. End of.

^

Where is the wedding? Can you attend for a couple of hours with your DC while DP is close by with the baby? Then either grandparents, aunts/uncles or ex himself is responsible for the kids or they leave with you.
Ex needs to decide how much he wants his children there.
I do have some sympathy with the bride as babies can be unpredictably noisy and if you have to take crying baby out of the ceremony you won't be there to look after the kids as well. But ex needs to rope in his parents/siblings/close family friends or take responsibility for them himself if he wants them there which he should).

Ex-wife is being used as childcare. Send the DC with another relative. Be prepared to be annoyed if anything goes wrong.

@TreadlngWater
Is there a 'aunty' who could take HIS CHILDREN to the wedding
Or
Can he not arrange something himself so HIS KIDS could be there?
I rather think his future wife is probably enjoying the hassle she's caused

The groom's family can EASILY keep an eye on the kids. It would be a bit different with the bride - the mother of the bride would probably have more to do wedding-wise and the father of the bride will be worried about his best man's speech etc. But in my experience the groom's family are usually more "availalble" at weddings. And these are the children's gandparents, aunties and uncles etc. Surely they can sort out some kind of rota for whose turn it is to be with the kids for an hour and a half, if they don't want to have to look after them all day?

No-one has pointed out that the baby may not have arrived, I notice. Which is entirely possible.

Reading between the lines... This is the bride's way of making it impossible for you to go without actually telling you she doesn't want you there. You can't go with the baby, yet you can't let the children go without you, so basically you are stuffed whichever way.

Agree with others that it is the dc's dad who needs to step up here and organise a way for HIS OWN children to attend his wedding.

It's a family wedding on your ex's side so surely he has family who can take the children to the wedding and look after them.

It's nothing to do with the baby. The new wife doesn't want you anywhere near the wedding.

I disagree. The ex is being unreasonable because if he wants his children at the wedding he needs to arrange for someone to look after them and the bride is also unreasonable because it's completely unreasonable to expect a mother to leave her new born baby that she intends to breastfeed for a day.

This.

He doesn't want 'drama'. This is bullshit. He doesn't want to make an effort to sort the problem himself. It's his problem to fix but he's trying to make it yours.

Say no.

Quite. You’d think he might be a bit more invested in the children but clearly not.

I'm sure OP isn't really bothered about attending the wedding at all, but she should try to facilitate the kids being there if she can (by making sure they are available that weekend, that they have the right outfits, making sure they can get there and be picked up again etc). But that's all she needs to do. It really is up to the groom to sort out which of his family members will be keeping an eye on the kids.

Sounds like she doesn’t want any of you there.

Usually ex wives are not invited to the wedding of their ex. Kids are looked after by dad and his family. Sounds all very odd

The new wife doesn’t want children at her wedding. This way she makes you the baddie when her step kids don’t come.

Agree you need to pass this back to the bride and groom.

Either you go with the baby or you don’t go at all and he needs to sort out some childcare.

how old are the kids?

Tell her you’ll stay home with the baby and their dad can pick them up on the way to the church or where ever it is… they’re also his kids … you’re not the baby sitter!

You were invited so that their father didn’t have to concern himself with his children at his wedding. Now you can’t do that, he needs to sort out an alternative if he wants them there. His problem to solve.

I don't agree with exes attending weddings in the first place because it could create drama. However, if he wants you there and you want to go then he sorts it out. You can't leave a new born.