Ex is getting married and his wife to be says my baby cant come

[TreadlngWater]

Im not really sure what to do about this and I might be being unreasonable but I honestly dont know

My ex is getting married in a couple of months and me and our children have been invited, we actually got on really well until quite recently and I thought everything was fine between us

Im 35 weeks pregnant now and obviously the baby will be here by the wedding, I was told by his wife to be that the baby isnt invited which I understand its their wedding and they can invite who they want but I dont feel comfortable leaving my baby for the whole day when they will only be a newborn

She has also said she doesnt want the children to be "unaccompanied" because their dad will obviously be busy getting married and wont be able to watch them the whole time

I dont really understand what she expects me to do because if I bring the baby then apparently thats not ok, but if I dont bring the baby then im expected to leave a newborn somewhere and still go to the wedding?

I could obviously just not go but then the children would miss their dads wedding which I dont think is fair on them either

Ive tried to speak to my ex about it but hes basically saying he doesnt want any drama and that we should just work something out, which is easier said than done

The children are excited about the wedding and have already been talking about it, so I dont want to tell them they cant go because his wife to be doesnt want my baby there

I dont want to cause a problem for them or make their wedding about me, I just dont see how this is meant to work

If you were the wife to be would you expect the mum to leave a newborn at home for this or if you were me would you just say no and not go?

Maybe im being dramatic but I honestly dont feel comfortable leaving the baby and I dont think thats an unreasonable thing to say

I’d explain to the kids that you can’t go because their baby sibling isn’t invited and you won’t be able to go and watch them so it’s better you all have a nice day a home Tell them there won’t be other kids and it wll be boring for them. If they want to know anything else about why they can’t go let them ask their Dad? I would be thinking ‘I’d only been invited as s babysitter anyway

Is just go with a simple message.

“I understand you don’t want a newborn at your wedding and therefore understand I cannot attend.
I’ll drop the kids off at X place at X time so whoever you’ve arranged to watch them can take is r and I’ll collect them after at X time”

don’t make this your problem to sort and don’t let them make it your problem.
But also assume he’s expecting his children at his wedding and that he’s going to sort that out.

How old are the children and do the ex and his fiancee have any together also? Or does she have any of her own?

The bride to be is being unreasonable.

What she is doing is making it so it's impossible for you to attend.
Unless you can get someone already attending to watch your DC for you, it's not going to work out.

Bat it right back to him. Hiya Dave, realistically I can't leave the baby for the day. However I'm obviously so happy to facilitate the kids however I can, so just let me
Know how I can support you. Happy to get them ready, drop off or collect as needed x

Terrible advice...
Why should she be paying hundreds for a room?

Back in the real world NORMAL PEOPLE either pay a nanny for the day or you arrange a family member do it

The reality is they are very happy for ex wife to be there as a skivy and facilitator but not with her newborn.
Her presence isnt the issue.

Take the baby and the partner with you, get the partner to look after the baby away from the wedding apart from when they need feeding, take your kids home as early as you can. It's going to be a ball ache but I can understand why they don't want a newborn at their wedding.

I don’t think the bride is unreasonable not to want a newborn baby at her wedding. She is unreasonable to have only just thought of this now. I wonder if someone has told her it’s not a good idea (the baby may cry etc), hence the sudden change of mind?

I agree with the previous posters who say this is very much an issue for their dad. Tell him you won’t be going without your baby, so he needs to sort it.

Thinking about it, what would the new wife do if these were their children? If they had children together before they got married then they would have to do something with them for the wedding. This is exactly the same problem, you aren’t there as free baby sitting. Just like if they were children they had together they will need to sort something out.

Bat this one back. ‘Dear ex, as I’ll be breastfeeding obviously I can’t leave a newborn at home. I have no problem attending with my children and new born, or my children attending without me and newborn. Whatever you prefer, As I understand it you don’t want newborn there so just let me know if someone will come to collect the children or who I should drop them off with and when. I don’t want drama either and am happy to accommodate whatever you and fiancé would like’

They don’t want the newborn there. You stay with baby, children go and are looked after by his family (their aunts, uncles, grandparents etc.) it’s not on you to facilitate that. Step back. Message, ok I’ll stay home with baby, what time are you picking up x and y? It’s his situation to handle, just concentrate on the baby and let him figure it out

Book a room in the wedding venue or very close by bf stays in room with baby you pop up to feed or he can do some with pumped. He can go out fir a walk etc

you supervise kids with grandparents helping

i can see why he is an ex being do useless snd wet

This exactly.

i absolutely would not be leaving a newborn and he can sort his kids out with a relative if he wants them there so much.

You either find a babysitter or you don't go. If they don't want non walking age children they that's up to them.

If you want to continue the friendship with your ex and presumably his wife, you'll comply or not go. And no point holding it against them.

In all honesty this is your ex's responsibility to solve. It's his partner who is refusing to allow you to bring your newborn baby. It's his children and his wedding. If you can't bring your newborn, then either he finds someone else to accompany his children or they don't come.

You can't leave a newborn baby with your boyfriend, even close by, because that means you'll need to leave your children, to go and feed your baby. Unless you take them with you of course.

If I was cynical, I'd say that your ex's partner either doesn't want you there or doesn't want your children attending the wedding.

Your ex needs to grow a pair, and tell his partner to stop being ridiculous. You can easily slip out if the baby cries, needs changing/feeding. Someone else within the family could easily take over looking after the older children, within that timeframe.

I'd keep the peace and maintain your children's relationship with their dad. Send your mum in your place to look afyer the children. You stay at home with the baby. Tell the children, you might not feel up to a big day and caring for the baby and lopkong afyer them on a big day will be difficult but they should go and have a nice time with their dad.

She’s not being unreasonable not wanting a baby at her wedding that is childfree other than the groom’s children.

The groom is completely and utterly unreasonable to have left it this late to bring it up and to think it’s not his issue to sort

id say people have said it’s a bad idea to have such a young baby there but nobody thought about how this works in real life. Unfortunately your options are to leave your baby with their dad/ have him in a hotel room nearby so you can pop off and bf or not go.

Your ex is being a selfish twat saying he doesn’t want drama while laying out a dilemma like this.

Do not send this, OP! What a way to fan the flames, Jesus.

A newborn baby's needs trump everyone else's especially if they are breastfeeding. Mum and Baby need to be together.

The OP is only being invited to supervise their and Ex's children. Someone in hs family can do that.

How old are the dc?
And how big a do is the wedding and reception?

It puts you in an impossible situation. Depending on how far the venue is and the sort of expense involved, could you leave your newborn with your partner for a couple of hours to 'enjoy' some of the wedding with your children. That way you supervise them for some of it and grandparents/ other relatives take over for another couple of hours - or you just all go for a couple of hours. Maybe just the ceremony and skip the meal. It's a right pain though and very inconsiderate of you and your family.

Yes this, it sounds very much like you are only being invited to babysit his kids. Its a "his problem" not yours.

Dave. Let me know what arrangements you and Gemma have made. I’m happy to drop the kids and pick them up if you let me know details. I won’t be able to attend, as I plan to breastfeed baby, but I’m happy to help make the day run smoothly for you all as much as I can.