Ex is getting married and his wife to be says my baby cant come

[TreadlngWater]

Im not really sure what to do about this and I might be being unreasonable but I honestly dont know

My ex is getting married in a couple of months and me and our children have been invited, we actually got on really well until quite recently and I thought everything was fine between us

Im 35 weeks pregnant now and obviously the baby will be here by the wedding, I was told by his wife to be that the baby isnt invited which I understand its their wedding and they can invite who they want but I dont feel comfortable leaving my baby for the whole day when they will only be a newborn

She has also said she doesnt want the children to be "unaccompanied" because their dad will obviously be busy getting married and wont be able to watch them the whole time

I dont really understand what she expects me to do because if I bring the baby then apparently thats not ok, but if I dont bring the baby then im expected to leave a newborn somewhere and still go to the wedding?

I could obviously just not go but then the children would miss their dads wedding which I dont think is fair on them either

Ive tried to speak to my ex about it but hes basically saying he doesnt want any drama and that we should just work something out, which is easier said than done

The children are excited about the wedding and have already been talking about it, so I dont want to tell them they cant go because his wife to be doesnt want my baby there

I dont want to cause a problem for them or make their wedding about me, I just dont see how this is meant to work

If you were the wife to be would you expect the mum to leave a newborn at home for this or if you were me would you just say no and not go?

Maybe im being dramatic but I honestly dont feel comfortable leaving the baby and I dont think thats an unreasonable thing to say

Maybe she likes a party.

I had an insufferable woman tell me, in front of the whole NCT class, that I could in fact breast feed and it was just society telling me I couldnt and that with support I could do it. I was the only one who said I was bottle feeding as I couldnt BF.

I asked if support would make my breast tissue grow back. So hold your tongue. There are many reasons why women feel that they can't breastfeed, some physical, some medical, some emotional, some practical.

Who the hell do you think you are to say that because 90% of women can, they should.

Zip it.

@MademoisellePralineare you serious?
The OP will have a breastfed newborn to care for. She can’t leave the baby for long. I hardly imagine se wants to attend her exH’s wedding. She should say no and tell her ex to find a relative or nanny to care for the other cy.

@PyongyangKipperbang while I have empathy for anyone who wants to do something and cannot I in no way shape or form said people should so while I have empathy for your plight I will not be told to 'zip it' by someone who refuses to read a post correctly.

But you did post nonsense didn’t you? Up to 70 percent of women struggle with breastfeeding, from low supply , latch, pain etc, the fact technically you can is just one side of the story isn’t it.

Sounds like new step mum to be doesn’t want the kids there really so this is a neat way of excluding them. Newborn is not invited so clearly OP will need to stay away therefore the other DC now also can’t go.And by ex not wanting drama OP also gets to be the bad guy and tell them.

excuse yourself from the circus and ask ex to deal with the rest, presumably he is having contact: shared care etc over the DC

You need to reply that you can't do both @TreadlngWater . Either you can accompany the children and the newborn will obviously be with you, or your ex will have to sort something for his children.

Your ex may not want 'drama', but they're his children, his wedding and his GF has made this rule, so it is very much not your drama and very much his!

That’s why it’s promoted so heavily.
It’s not the “easy” option in this day and age is it?
If there wasn’t an active push to promote it, rates would decline quickly in the west.

Also - up to her ex to find childcare if hus bride won’t have the Op there.

Get a grip. She doesn’t want a crying baby ruining the most important day of her life which is completely reasonable.

Crikey, we really need to move away from the notion a wedding is the most important day of a woman's life.

It's a nice celebration. It's not the most important thing that will ever happen to a person.

I also think it's very harsh to downplay the importance.

Christmas comes every year so do birthdays. A wedding only happens once, so why shouldn't she have it the way she wants it.

And if that involves not having a screaming baby there, that nobody is related to, then so bear it.

It’s a one off event that likely costs considerably in time, money and effort.

Having been to a wedding of late 20 year olds with a couple of babes in arms, that was a bit of a disaster. Ushers and bridesmaids were young and didn’t have the wit to guide the parents out the back when the crying started. The vicar was mid vows and just ploughed on. Their wedding video was a complete waste of money as so hard to hear anything.

And that's the problem. Parents are often so selfish and so entitled.They won't remove their screaming children, and it spoils the whole thing.

Given the age of the children, and they're extreme youth, in once case a just turned three year old -; I hardly think they will build up resentment that they weren't able to go to dad's.Wedding they won't even remember or care. Same no to the whole thing and plan something fun for them.

In principle yes (though are we really still thinking getting married is the ‘most important day of one’s life?) Unfortunately for her she’s chosen a man with three small children (and an ex wife) to marry, so her options are a little more complex.

The groom has had at least four more important days already!

Barmy idea imo. The logistics simply don’t work.
There’s no …..we need to work something out… ffs! If he wants his DCs there then he sorts it out.

If an idiot agreed to marry my ex and I was in this situation, I'd tell him find someone to watch your children
I'm not a babysitter

She has said she is hoping to, and I suppose she has no reason to assume she won’t be able to as she has had children before who presumably had no issues.

I don’t think you need to take it personally. Some people weren’t able to BF when they really wanted to, but of course there are people who do, and when they do they can’t just leave their baby with their partner.

BF or bottle feeding doesn’t make anyone an inadequate mum.

I have a couple of problems with the big expensive wedding as the "most important day" of a woman's life that has to be perfect for her.

It's so bloody sexist. It's never the groom's "special day", it's never Groomzilla, it's never "all little boys dream of their wedding day". It's an archaic throwback to the woman being defined by her relationship status that people still seem to buy into. Yuk.

It's so bloody po-faced and dramatic. A baby cried, my wedding was ruined! Someone wore the wrong shade of puce, my wedding was ruined! Uncle Alf fell in the shrubbery after too many sherries, my wedding was ruined! 😂

Part of the ceiling came down at my wedding venue, some of my family missed the service, part of the food order didn't turn up and one of my relatives got stuck outside and jumped the fence - but it was still a lovely day 🤣.

People get too hung up on picture-perfect days instead of living in the moment.

, I would consider a baby screaming during the ceremony or reception.Spoiling the event. Most people would

I didn't say it was the most important event in your life.But it is a very important event, and it shouldn't be downplayed either.

Who' wants a screaming baby spoiling the service and the reception.

Small children do spoil adult events. That's why there are so many child free wedding these days,

children are a pain in the arse and a look at most of the posts on this site, pretty much proves that. Their own parents can't stand them.Most of the time

Also, women are their own worst enemies.They go absolutely crazy over the big day.Current threads about weddings involve a woman banning every single plus one.She hasn't personally met.So people who are travelling across the world in some cases, from california have to attend alone. This one is expecting her friends to spend their time effort money and annual leave on long haul flights to not even be allowed to bring their partner with them because she hasn't met them.

Threats about women going crazy, that a woman wore a dress that was too white.

Equally, you never hear men doing this.They just get on with it.

You needn't say that any of this has been imposed on women.They love the drama and they love the attention.

Just like the op, she wants to make it all about her baby.

Whoa dial it back, most parents love their children and enjoy them, yes when people start a thread if is likely to be those struggling or not very good but that doesn’t mean it’s the norm,

That ridiculous post about this archaic, tradition being forced on women.

It hasn't been forced on them.If you head over to the wedding board and see the dramas and fallouts over the most ridiculous reasons.None of it is started by the men, it's always the women.

They bring it on themselves, and they want the drama want to be the centre of the attention.So nobody going to get away with saying this is forced on them.

I didn't say it was imposed or forced, I said "people still buy into it". 🙄

Because they want to, if they didn't want to buy into it, they wouldn't. I don't believe for a single second this bat shittery over weddings is because women feel they should buy into it.It's because they want to, and they are that way.

You seem to have a reading comprehension problem.