SITUATIONSHIP HEARTBREAK

[Anon645]

PLEASE be gentle!

My situationship abruptly ended things yesterday evening. (With a horrible text)

I didn't see it coming as we had had a lovely day/evening together the night before.

He has been in my life for such a long time and I am absolutely devastated at the thought of , being able to see /speak to him again.

I am absolutely heartbroken. Any tips?

A no strings dating/sex situation with no commitments.

That's grim OP, you really deserve better

Indeed. This has happened to me quite a few times and it’s absolutely awful. But they really just like the idea of romance they don’t like YOU. always the same story with men who do this. It’s just a shag and they like the chase. no point in anyone dwelling on stuff like this as I’ve learned. OP has to stop trying to see reason because there isn’t one. They’re just shit. Next!

I'm sorry, OP. He's a dreadful person.

He doesn't love you and that's not because of who you are, or that you're not worthy enough. It's because of who he is. He probably can't love someone properly, because he's completely in love with himself.

Life and karma will get him eventually, but don't stick around to be his roadkill again.

You deserve someone who will love you as much as you do him. Don't waste any more of your time or energy or affection on this lizard.

A lot of advice on here is about not sleeping with a new man too early, to try and weed out the decent ones - but how soon is too soon? It all seems very complicated these days.

Thank you. Maybe that’s what freaked him out?
@Anon645 it’s horrible and even more painful when you don’t have a straightforward answer but his actions and his question about dating should be enough for you to know he’s played you to some extent.
obviously only knowing your side of the story it’s hard for anyone to really advise as there’s some really big gaps in your responses ( which makes it difficult for me to understand ) .

look at information about relationships with emotionally avoidant people, particularly around ‘the discard’ as your story fits a lot of the factors of relationships with emotionally avoidant people.

Urgh. Rhetorical question but why are there so many men like this? Is it a recent thing or has it always been this common and people didn’t talk about it as much?

God, I slept with everyone virtually immediately, including DH. No way was I going to start getting to like someone, or actually starting to fall for them, to discover that they were terrible in bed, had ED, incompatible kinks/needs/ideas about frequency etc. Much safer to sleep with them sooner to test them out. If you fail their inner Madonna/Whore dichotomy in so doing, then all the better to weed that nonsense out early on too.

I mean, it's 2026. Have we really not moved beyond 'He'll only respect me if I keep my legs crossed for x numbers of dates/weeks/months'? Or with thinking sex is a thing men do to women?

Does anyone here think he will ever text me again? Honest opinions...

What will you do if he does? Be honest, what will you do? Don't tell us what you think we want to hear, guenuine reaction only. You know what you should do. And the answer is, no he won't.

He might quite possibly I think, but he'll only do the same thing again, so you should tell him where to go IMO.

Did you respond to his awful text ending things?

It is not fair, but it is done and you can’t change it. Give yourself a few days to cry, a few weeks to process and then resolve to move forward.

At least he did not wait until you had had a child together. That would have been even worse.

That's the wrong question, @Anon645. It would just be postponing the inevitable. That would be an actual act of self-harm, to go back to a man you know has only a casual interest in you when you're in love with him. Imagine what you would say to your own daughter if she were in your shoes.

I have had some of the best sex with ill advised people on the first night and some of the absolute worst with people I waited to have sex with.
i think the type of person who judges women for when they have sex is not my type of person so they weed themselves out one way or another, sooner rather than later is my preference

If he does contact you again, the greatest gift you can give yourself is to ignore it. Even better, block him so he doesn’t get the chance to.
Take control

Yes, absolutely -- this was my philosophy!

Truthfully yes the way I feel right now I absolutely would respond (I know that's the wrong answer) . You can't switch feelings off in just 24 hours, and I still love him currently. But hopefully my answer will change in time.
What makes you confident he wont text in time? X

I know, and I understand. I just obviously dont feel like that yet at this point. Its all raw and horrible. Do you think it's likely he would text in a few weeks or unlikely not ? Im trying to gauge whether people think he will try coming back or not...

That is the problem, there would have to be a serious discussion and boundaries in place. Im all over the place right now. What makes you think it is possible he may text again?

I know, its just so hard. There would have to be change.
I know its the wrong question but trying to gauge if people think hes likely to text /try coming back into my life, or very unlikely?

I think a lot of guys like this tend to turn up like a bad penny - perhaps when they think you might be moving on, as that may hurt his ego and he wants to think he can have you if he wants, or if, as some PPs have said, he is tired of being 'single'/wants sex, or perhaps an experiment with someone else doesn't work out.

I should be clear I don't think you should take him back at all and it certainly wouldn't signify any improvement or sincerity on his part. What he did to you is awful (and I hope you told him so) - you should never forget what type of person he is and use that knowledge to put him far far behind you.

Of course, I can't be sure. No-one can. But, I think he won't because i think he's done. Remember how he changed? Remember how he looked at you that time? I know it's painful to think about, but that's who he is deep down. He doesn't want you FOR you, as a person, as a lover and equal partner. What would he be contacting you for, if he did do? You know what. He wants sex and an ego boost. If he does contact you, that'll be it. No relationship. No happy ever after. He'll do it to you again if you let him. You need to realise you are worth more. You are worth more.

I think you should hope he doesn’t. That sounds so harsh! I don’t mean it in that way, what I mean is if he doesn’t, you will have to extricate yourself. If he does he inveigles you into a horrible web.

Take it 1 moment at a time.

Broken hearts do mend and become stronger. Don’t let anyone do this to you again.

He wanted £200 (probably for his drug fix) and then had to find another victim. He strung you along for 4.5 years. You didn't see him continuously or regularly to see the real him. He kept you like he had £200 in his back pocket and when it was spent and you obviously wouldn't be good for more money, off he tottled.

Don't be sad, not your fault. It's a life lesson learnt: Neither a borrower or lender be.

He just sounds like an avoidant that will
pull away whenever you feel too close and also just emotionally immature. No judgement from me as I’ve been there, but you should work on why you’re drawn to this person. For me it was combination of my ADHD dopamine seeking, limerance and low self esteem. The best thing I did was block them