SITUATIONSHIP HEARTBREAK

[Anon645]

PLEASE be gentle!

My situationship abruptly ended things yesterday evening. (With a horrible text)

I didn't see it coming as we had had a lovely day/evening together the night before.

He has been in my life for such a long time and I am absolutely devastated at the thought of , being able to see /speak to him again.

I am absolutely heartbroken. Any tips?

Really? You weren't with him in April this year? How come? You said in that post you were on your 2nd or 3rd round (you said both) and those things don't happen instantaneously so either you must have been with him while you were having treatment or you haven't been with him much at all over the 4 years.

Also, why be in a ‘situationship’ when what you want is a full-blown relationship and marriage? The only person whose actions you can ultimately control are your own. What he might want or why he ended things is not what should be your primary concern here. You need to ask yourself why you engaged in a casual, no-strings setup when you were in love with the guy and prepared to relocate for him, and wanted to marry him? That’s literally setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Respectfully please don't come on to this thread and start derailing it or mocking/belittling me as you did the previous one. I will take on board any constructive or helpful comments however.

I hope this isnt true and just the thought of Tuesday night/Wednesday morning being about sex is so painful for me but you could be right

He is extremely charming and physically /mentally we were compatible. I loved him and after 4.5 years its very hard to walk away . I didn't want to lose him. Having him in some capacity was better than not having him at all.
He has been telling me for the past few months we will be official in September and would be in a committed proper relationship. September is so close now. I had been eagerly waiting for that to come. He asked me a few times about relocating and I said I would. But I was led to believe by him we'd be official and committed come September hence why I stayed.

You’ve wanted marriage ‘for years’? Why didn’t you ask him to marry you? This is 2021 not 1921why do so many females want a guy to ‘propose’?
Gather yourself together…take some time & get the partner you deserve.

HE was the one bringing up being more committed /official, HE was the one saying he's going to marry me and he wants me as his wife in the future, HE was the one who asked me to relocate. Its what makes it so much more upsetting and confusing as it was HIM over the past few months asking for these things! HIM, NOT me !!

keep busy. Go out with friends, deep clean your house, cook elaborate meals, plan some nice things, exercise more. This will pass. The secret is no contact and occupying your time.

This is good advice, and its the only thing that works. I promise you will recover, event though its hard to imagine now.

HE was the one who for months has told me wanted to marry me and make me his wife. Yes I would have loved that, but obviously we would have needed to be boyfriend/girlfriend first....which he said we could be come September. Its the official commited relationship I've wanted for years, not marriage (although I'd have married him as I've known/loved him for 4.5 years) But it was the official committed relationship I wanted ultimately X

Um why September?

It's against the rules to troll hunt. Just report if you suspect it.

Maybe he got cold feet now that things are potentially getting more serious. Either way, as hard as it is, you need to forget him and move on. He’s not relationship material, otherwise, if there was potential for you and him to become serious, this would have happened a long time ago.

Again, the only actions you can control are your own. Don’t ever enter into or stay in a ‘situationship’ if what you want is a relationship and marriage. That’s where you defend your own heart and walk.

He's frightened himself! Being charitable, or he was seeing how far he could push you.

But you are best off out of this 'relationship'. FWB or whatever you want to call it only works when it truly suits both parties and neither wants more than the other. That's nit the case here, is it?

How does IVF fit into this?

Why won't you get your £200 back?

He's been stringing you along, saying you'd be in a proper relationship in September was the carrot he was dangling.
He's a future faker and I know it's painful right now but try to find some anger in the fact he's been using you and making promises he had no intention of keeping.

I'd be very surprised if you weren't back here in a few says saying he's been in touch and wants to get back together.

Well given he's told me he's finished it I cant see him returning the £200? And he's not responded to me. Obviously I'd like the money back because after he sent that cruel text it doesnt sit well with me that he's hurt me badly but can still use the money I gave him.
In the grand scheme of things though my emotional pain and upset is what's bringing me down the most. I'm really upset about it, i feel heartbroken.

My friend said that it sounded like future faking too. We have been and were still intending to carry on spending time together until September as we always have been. But he consistently kept saying we'd be officially properly together in September.

My tip would be to avoid a casual relationship if it leads to heartbreak.

For this one “you don’t have to think about him anymore” are the most useful words anyone has ever said.

Find a decent man, wait a while before sleeping with him (this soon weeds them out) and listen to your own heart and soul, not all the “situationship” / “fwb” nonsense of today that completely ignores the fact that hormones produced during sex often mean women bond emotionally with men even though men don’t, so women get hurt while men walk away.

Yes I would have loved that, but obviously we would have needed to be boyfriend/girlfriend first....which he said we could be come September

Eh? But you've been going out for four and a half years.
What significance has September got?

Why the wait?

Why were you having IVF if you're not in a proper relationship with anyone?

I was harsh on the other thread and would like to apologise to OP and other posters. I hope she feels better soon.
Again, sorry for any offence called.

Did you ever question why September, what was going to happen then?

I wouldn't have said we were FWB (nor would he). It was definitely about than that, too strong a connection and not just about sex. Plus most FWB dont last 4.5 years . Nor do they talk about relocating or marring love me. But i get you. I hate the term situationship but that's what I'd name it. A bit like those painful 'almost relationships'.

Yes I always wanted more consistently. Whereas he seemed to want more now in recent only.

This is what frustrates me. I'm being painted now as the only one who wanted more but he said with his words multiple times over in recent months that he wanted more too. And his recent actions showed it too :(

Im battling now with whether everything he said and did over recent months about demonstrating he wanted a more committed serious relationship with me were deliberate intentional conplete lies, or they were genuine but he has abruptly just changed his mind the last 24 hrs.

HE literally said to me two weeks that we are more than friends and that he doesnt/wouldnt do with his friends what he does with me. Its just painful :(

He was finishing his training x

Wow! Thank you. You were very needlessly harsh to me, but its big to appolgise so thanks for that

My friend is pretty adamant he will text me in a few weeks. Who knows though? I shouldn't want him to, but feelings dont just switch off automatically, and after being in my life so long I wish we could speak.