SITUATIONSHIP HEARTBREAK

[Anon645]

PLEASE be gentle!

My situationship abruptly ended things yesterday evening. (With a horrible text)

I didn't see it coming as we had had a lovely day/evening together the night before.

He has been in my life for such a long time and I am absolutely devastated at the thought of , being able to see /speak to him again.

I am absolutely heartbroken. Any tips?

If was a "situationship" then surely it was all just casual and fun and destined to end any way?

I'll bet he was having an affair

Well this is where the problem lies... the past few months he's been telling me he wants to make us more serious and be more commited. HE has been spending more money on me lately. HE has been making more effort to ask to meet up etc. HE asked if I would consider relocating with him. HE would say comments that he's going to marry me and maybe I can be his wife etc. HE said he wants get more serious in the next couple of months with me.
So I am bewildered and hurt at why the sudden change when HE has been the one doing all the above recently.

When he was saying all these things about getting serious and getting married what were you saying back to him OP? You make it sound very one sided.

"I am bewildered and hurt at why the sudden change" it seems he was just stringing you along, telling you what he thought you wanted to hear?

It appears you have relinquished all of your own agency @Anon645 despite knowing that he viewed your connection as a "situationship"

By its very nature, emotional closeness and communication can fluctuate without rules which he has proven over the last few weeks.

You've totally mistaken that as a positive shift.

Had you been hopeful that his lies were signalling the possibility of an actual "relationship" with more commitment?

I was saying yes that i would love that. I told him I would love to ger more serious (I've wanted to for years), and I told him I would relocate. He absolutely knew how much I loved him /how fond of him I was.

Yes absolutely was hopeful that it was signalling the relationship with more comitment. Because that's what he kept recengtly telling me wanted/intended for us. Obviously I was going to believe him because why wouldn't I? Xx

I’m sorry OP. Heartbreak is hard.

my tip would be to block him on everything. But first delete his details

Then keep busy. Go out with friends, deep clean your house, cook elaborate meals, plan some nice things, exercise more. This will pass. The secret is no contact and occupying your time. Best wishes

What’s a situationship

From OP’s other thread :
· Today 09:08
In the last three years this poster has said…
Her husband was cheating on her and when the woman’s husband found out they began a romance.
Then another man left her heartbroken.
Then last year she was dating a man going through a divorce.
Honestly, if you are going to make up stories at least change your name.
If all above is true, OP has had these men on the go dating during a four year FWB? Highly unlikely.
Edited

You are allowed to be sad, it’s easy to get attached, even in a situationship and even if you know it’s not going anywhere, never mind if you think it’s becoming more.

@Icecreamisthebest has got it: you’ve just got to keep going and try not to dwell. And keep in your head that someone who does this would only hurt you more in the long run.

You’ll get there OP.

I’d be checking my bank balance and credit cards in case it was romance fraud. I sincerely hope that is not the case.

I haven't lied about anything.
This man I am referring to I have known for 4 years ( 4.5 years actually) . In that time I did those two above men for a few months at a time (as me and this current man were not exclusive as he didn't want to be.

As soon as those two people above fell apart me and this current man always went back to each other. (Hence why this has been on and off for 4 years. ) Currently we've only been seeing each other for the entirety of 2026

Please don't accuse me of lying. I haven't lied and hope this provides clarity. Its unkind to bring up people's past when a) it isnt applicable to this thread. And b) I'm currently very upset.

(Posting this again as you seem to want to belittle me and derail the thread. Im asking for compassion and advice /tips, not to be mocked for my past or accusd of lying. I'm not looking to argue but can you please stop ?)

@Anon645 If you have been "with" him for 4 years, this must be the "divorcing" man you were writing about in 2024 or 2024. You were unhappy enough then so why have you stuck around for so long?

Do you think he might have left because you're currently undergoing IVF? How much was he involved in that decision? Perhaps he doesn't want a relationship of any sort with a pregnant woman or someone with a new born or someone with a child at all. He already has 3 of his own.

No, the most I've lent him is £200 . Which obviously I'll not get back now.

As I've said above we have been on for 4.5 years. So just to clarify I was not with him when I was undergoing IVF. x

as I said on your AIBU thread, running confusingly, concurrent, to this one,

Never prioritise someone who only sees you as an "option"

At what point in your life, did you decide, that being second best for anyone was acceptable?

It may be useful for you to try being on your own for a while @Anon645.

Your well being seems to be far too dependent on how you allow the men in your life to treat you.

Raising your bar may be your salvation.

Were you not undergoing IVF in March this year? Only 4/5 months ago. You must have had quite a break up to do that during it. So you haven’t really been back “together” that long?

No I considered it, and started the very first small step. But I stepped back

I want to thank everyone who has actually not derailed the thread and have insistent for reasons beyond me to try to catch me out and pick holes in everything. I know Mumsnet can notoriously be like this , but it pays to remeber there is a real person behind the screen who is heartbroken and just wanting some advice/help...
It's the last thing i need whilst going through this breakup thing and feeling so hurt and shitty to be mocked /dismissed /accused.
But the majority of posters on this thread and my other one have have kind and understanding so thank you.

Thank you, I'm in tears already and its only 10am.😭 I know breakups are hard, but I genuinely feel the fact we've been in each other's lives for 4.5 years (SO much longer than the other two men I'v dated) makes it and is going to continue making it so much harder :(
I genuinely cant imagine him not in my life in some capacity.

Can anyone see any logic in him taking me for food on Tuesday night, treating me to a stay in a very expensive posh hotel, having breakfast together Wed morning, cuddling in bed for him to turn and say he doesn't want a relationship?
Literally i cant make any sense of it. Why spend so money on me and go to so much effort the night before if you intend on ending things in the morning?

He also has said he's emotionally unavailable? But we had dinner together the night before, kissed/cuddled, had sex together the night before, slept the night together, had breakfast the next morning, cuddled in bed in the morning, and he then turns over to me and out of nowhere says he's emotionally unavailable and doesnt want a relationship, and then sends me that text ending it a few hrs later?

For a shag.

Because he was in it for the shag.