I feel totally sick and betrayed, but not sure if I have a right to feel this.
i phoned partner up earlier to see when he'd be home & if he wanted dinner cooking - I assume he meant to cut the call off, but he answered it by mistake, but assume he left the phone in his pocket or something. I could hear his voice, and that of a woman and was suspicious because he was meant to be on the way home, and was due to look after our dd as I had a counselling session at 8. I listened, and I heard them discuss payment, condoms and the bed creaking.
I thought I was going to throw up, but felt compelled to listen for a while.
The thing is, I feel utterly devastated, but our relationship is almost non existent. He has drug problems, and because of this I've wanted to end things for some time, but keep allowing myself to be talked round.
He says he has intimacy issues and ever since we had dd he has only wanted sex when he's been out drinking, or taken drugs, and I've felt more and more used by this, and made it clear I didn't want sex any more - I'm 6 months pg and we've only had sex 3 times at most since conception, and not for w ehile. So maybe I don't have any right to be upset.
But he's the one who tells me how much he loves me every day, was asking me to cuddle up with him last night (we no longer share a bed) makes long term plans for our future together.
And he's already got us into financial difficulties because of drugs - we're on the edge of my overdraft limit, though I have separate funds set aside for doing up the house to hopefully make some money - and he's still spending money we don't have on a prostitute. And caring so little about me he's having sex instead of looking after dd as promised.
I'm an idiot to have stayed this long. I can't believe I've allowed myself to be in this position, to be treated like this. I am scared I still won't get away from this because I think I'm so scared of the future, and how I'm going to manage. My life is a mess, and I've let it.