'partner' has been with a prostitute

[sadandangry]

I feel totally sick and betrayed, but not sure if I have a right to feel this.

i phoned partner up earlier to see when he'd be home & if he wanted dinner cooking - I assume he meant to cut the call off, but he answered it by mistake, but assume he left the phone in his pocket or something. I could hear his voice, and that of a woman and was suspicious because he was meant to be on the way home, and was due to look after our dd as I had a counselling session at 8. I listened, and I heard them discuss payment, condoms and the bed creaking.

I thought I was going to throw up, but felt compelled to listen for a while.

The thing is, I feel utterly devastated, but our relationship is almost non existent. He has drug problems, and because of this I've wanted to end things for some time, but keep allowing myself to be talked round.

He says he has intimacy issues and ever since we had dd he has only wanted sex when he's been out drinking, or taken drugs, and I've felt more and more used by this, and made it clear I didn't want sex any more - I'm 6 months pg and we've only had sex 3 times at most since conception, and not for w ehile. So maybe I don't have any right to be upset.

But he's the one who tells me how much he loves me every day, was asking me to cuddle up with him last night (we no longer share a bed) makes long term plans for our future together.

And he's already got us into financial difficulties because of drugs - we're on the edge of my overdraft limit, though I have separate funds set aside for doing up the house to hopefully make some money - and he's still spending money we don't have on a prostitute. And caring so little about me he's having sex instead of looking after dd as promised.

I'm an idiot to have stayed this long. I can't believe I've allowed myself to be in this position, to be treated like this. I am scared I still won't get away from this because I think I'm so scared of the future, and how I'm going to manage. My life is a mess, and I've let it.

watsthestory?

What IS the story ?

Well this is the kick up the bum you need really isn't it? You know he is a useless waster who is best off out of your life but because you loved him and he is the father of your baby you have clung on to what might be, not what is in front of your nose.

You can do it, being on your own with the baby will be better than being with him. You deserve more than this, and so does your child. Be strong, be focused and change your life for the better. And you KNOW you will have the support of Mumsnetters behind you; we're always here for you.

Having seen the OP's previous thread, I am sure she is genuine, Watsthestory.

There's not a lot going for this relationship, is there? You and your two children need better.

Well this certainly provides a reminder to all that it's much, much better to be single than to be with some dickhead just so you can say you're Not Single, I do think that staying with a man for 'childcare' is a dumb idea in this case. Because, frankly, a constantly-wanking drug addict is not really a fit person to be caring for children, is he?

poor op.

Well I wish it was a wind up, because sadly it IS my life.

I certainly don't stay with him for childcare, he's not big on that in general.

I stay because I hope things will get better and that we'll be a happy ish family one day. Now even I know that sounds totally loopy, but it's how it's been. But I hope this is the last straw, even for me.

And I've posted under this name once before,but am a regular poster under a different name, and certainly have better things to do than make up a story like this.

SAA you need to start making the change NOW for the sake of you and your children otherwise you are just delaying the inevitable. Don't waste precious time putting up with this shite excuse for a man Life is too short and you and your dc deserve so much more than this

i doubt very much if this is a wind up and if you think it is then frankly you are not living in the real world. This is not so unusual but is an extremely difficult situation. For someone that has no experience of this it is prob quite hard to understand how a woman can stay in this kind of situation but it is not that simple. I really feel for you sadandangry. It is such a complex situation. This man probably does love you but that is really not enough in itself. I really think you need to get some professional help and guidance. What kind of drugs is he into as that makes a huge difference as to how you approach the situation.

Oh and you absolutely have the right to feel sick and betrayed. How you deal with those emotions is not so easy. You should no way have to put up with this but what you do about it is not that straightforward.

whatsthestory i can understand it sounds unlikely. Before this relationship I would nver have imagined I would put up with all this. But obviously it's not like this all the time - and somehow that always provides enoughhope to hang on in there.

Drugs-wise, it's cocaine he takes

OP, what are you thinking; what are you going to do?

sadandangry, you know youd be happier and freer and more confident and providing a more healthy and stable home for your children on your own dont you? it will be hard at times, being a single parent (er, understatement) but it cant really be any harder than this, can it?

No, not a double-barrelled surname - sorry to hear you've put up with this kind of treatment too notdoingthehousework how long did it take for you to come to your senses and leave?

HOw spooky, NDH.