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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

'partner' has been with a prostitute

130 replies

sadandangry · 26/06/2008 20:41

I feel totally sick and betrayed, but not sure if I have a right to feel this.

i phoned partner up earlier to see when he'd be home & if he wanted dinner cooking - I assume he meant to cut the call off, but he answered it by mistake, but assume he left the phone in his pocket or something. I could hear his voice, and that of a woman and was suspicious because he was meant to be on the way home, and was due to look after our dd as I had a counselling session at 8. I listened, and I heard them discuss payment, condoms and the bed creaking.

I thought I was going to throw up, but felt compelled to listen for a while.

The thing is, I feel utterly devastated, but our relationship is almost non existent. He has drug problems, and because of this I've wanted to end things for some time, but keep allowing myself to be talked round.

He says he has intimacy issues and ever since we had dd he has only wanted sex when he's been out drinking, or taken drugs, and I've felt more and more used by this, and made it clear I didn't want sex any more - I'm 6 months pg and we've only had sex 3 times at most since conception, and not for w ehile. So maybe I don't have any right to be upset.

But he's the one who tells me how much he loves me every day, was asking me to cuddle up with him last night (we no longer share a bed) makes long term plans for our future together.

And he's already got us into financial difficulties because of drugs - we're on the edge of my overdraft limit, though I have separate funds set aside for doing up the house to hopefully make some money - and he's still spending money we don't have on a prostitute. And caring so little about me he's having sex instead of looking after dd as promised.

I'm an idiot to have stayed this long. I can't believe I've allowed myself to be in this position, to be treated like this. I am scared I still won't get away from this because I think I'm so scared of the future, and how I'm going to manage. My life is a mess, and I've let it.

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 03/07/2008 16:31

Have you seena solicitor yet. Do it tomorrow.

Grrlscout · 05/07/2008 11:31

Any update? What did the solicitor say?

swiftyknickers · 06/07/2008 09:17

any news on this?

sadandangry · 06/07/2008 19:16

I haven't had a chance to see a solicitor yet, hopefully will find one and make an appointment this week.
He's been all apologetic, and being helpful since, but doesn't seem to see that we do not have any future together after all this - he is still mnaking long term plans.

My plan is to see a solicitor, get the info I need, hopefully things will be OK while we fix the house up - I'm going to go away for a bit anyway as well- then if things deteriorate again, I'll be in a position to act. If we can fix the house before I have to sell, it'll put me in a better position for the future.

I have told him I will call the police if he behaves like that again. But even if he can control himself, there's no future with someone who lies and cheats and deceives constantly.

OP posts:
swiftyknickers · 06/07/2008 21:48

oh darlingidohope you find the strength to leave him-he is poison

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