There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

Is it too mean of me to hope that the tattoo artist is a MNetter?!

Obviously OP cannot ask the mum, but back in the beginning the ex would suddenly decide he'd stay at his mum's for the night.

Would a mum who covers for her son staying with an OW look taken aback about being told of the divorce? Maybe he never even told his mum that he'd left the family home overnights.

Everyone gets a different version of why he blew up his family precisely because it's not actually OP's fault at all. What he calls control actually made his married life quite pleasant so now he has to spread the misery around and make OP suffer too. It may be as straightforward as this.

Now that he's free to do things his way, the more often they go wrong, the more justified will OP's past "control" look. I think that's why he's stalling, so that he can blame OP for as long as possible while he tries to get his bearings. It's a good idea to get the addresses and everything separate asap.

Please, please, please, please...

(Might add "There We Are Then" underneath in teeny letters or how about
ПИЋКА or ПИЗДА in Cyrillic? The tattoo artist could tell him it means something cool.

That's the closest I can get to 'twat' in a language that uses Cyrillic.

ПИЋКА looks okay in italics. Or even Пићка.

Good point above. His mum would hardly have been surprised about a divorce if he had been spending as much time 'at his mum's ' as he said he was.
Everything he says is a lie.

😂

Never thought of it that way about his mum being so shocked at the divorce being in progress. I’m sure if there’s another woman, she will come out of the woodwork very soon.

I’d avoid saying anything that hints his mum has confided in you. He may punish her for it, and she’ll stop being open with you.

A safer approach is to tell her you’re happy to suggest to him that he increases the children’s nursery hours slightly. That way she can decide whether she wants you to raise it, and you’re not revealing anything she said. You could also suggest that you mention the potties.

A single parent can use childcare exactly the same way a couple can, particularly for working time. But if the pattern shows that shared parenting isn’t actually happening i.e. a significant amount of down time is farmed out too, that is a different matter altogether.

Either way, keep a record of everything for your solicitor.

Hi, long time reader and cheerleader to watching you navigate this difficult situation.
I came across this today and it made me think about your ex-husband - albeit he didn't have the epiphany (yet?)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Dbcd-x2DO3X/

Yes, as a PP said, make sure you disentangle your credit from his. You don't want him using your address to take out credit cards and loans he doesnt pay off, and you ending up with bailiffs looking for him.

Sorry I was MIA over the weekend, I wanted to soak up as much time with the kids as possible and I’ve picked up a bank shift for today.

My mum sent him a text last night when I was already asleep about his behaviour lately and I have asked her in the past not to get involved, so when I woke up this morning, I had a tirade of messages from him.

I am debating whether to book myself a night away for Saturday coming, just to get away from everything for 24 hours.

Sounds a great idea!! Go for it!!

I’ve booked it! Before I head into work, I just thought “fuck it”. So I need some good book recommendations if you lovely ladies have any 😊 xx

So tricky, is your relationship with your mum good? Cos if it were me with my mum I'd be telling her to eff off but if it's a good relationship she's clearly doing what most of us would want to do in that situation and protect her daughter. She needs to understand that this actually makes things much harder for you. And there are better ways to support you. Because you don't want her to do this again and reveal information accidentally that he can use against you x

Did he reply to your mum or was all the vitriol directed at you? Hope you are keeping calm and not responding in kind. Naughty of mum but it's hard to blame her given the circumstances.

What kind of things do you like to read?

Oh god the last thing you need is more abusive messages from him. I can understand why your Mum wanted to do it, but I imagine it has made things worse for you so I’m so sorry. I also hope he wasn’t rude or abusive to your Mum.

A night away sounds like an amazing idea, I hope it is truly relaxing for you.

Probably didn’t like the fact his shitty behaviour is being pointed out to him.
I would ask your Mum not to send anymore messages but that you appreciate that she did it because she is so angry of his treatment of you.
I tend to read Nora Robert’s and Dilly Court books when I’m away for light reading or if you fancy something more gripping Karen Rose/Karin Slaughter are always good. Depends what kind of thing you’re into, my boys always joke that I could commit the perfect murder and get away with it by reading those…
Now there’s a thought! 🤔😂

Can you message him that you will ask your mum not to contact him but if she does to take it up with her as you don't wish to be involved? Very understandable that your mum is angry with him but she also needs to understand this doesn't help you. Best if both understand you will not involve yourself and leave them to it if they won't desist.

Assuming that he messaged you and not your mum, did you point out to him that you have no control over what your mum does? This does sound like weak boundaries on both your mum's and his part and you probably need to ask your mum not to do it again.

Why it sucks in the moment, it might be helpful to have another stream of abusive messages from him, especially messages he's sending to you because a third party 'upset' him. I would send a singular message this morning that you will again ask your mum not to contact him, but if she does, it's nothing to do with you and he can take it up with her if he feels the need, or he can just ignore them which is what you'd recommend. Then refuse to engage any further and keep saving screenshots.

I say this because I really do think it's all going to blow up on his end as his mum grows increasingly tired of doing a significant share of 'his' 50 of the 50/50 and you continue to hold firm to the 50/50 set up he insisted on and agreed to. All indicators are that he won't able to actually do it, because he's not in it for the right reasons, and as the relationship between him and his mum continues to deteriorate, he may even find himself having to look someplace else to live. And you can stand firm in not propping up his share of the time split and hopefully pursue a different custody splits that benefits the children (something he clearly doesn't care about) and child maintenance in that case (and don't offer to cut that in that eventuality; the DCs are entitled to the support of both parents; life is expensive and he helped bring them into the world).

This. It came from a caring place, but ultimately unhelpful. I imagine your mum didn’t say anything untrue either, yet, he’s not told his mum about getting divorced. There we are then.

Have a lovely night away! 🥰

One of the reasons he’s so cross is because he must know really that everything she’s said is actually true. If it wasn’t true, he wouldn’t be so venomous about it. Also I imagine his Mum has had a word with him after speaking to you on Friday, so he’s had his Mum and his MIL telling him what a horrible person he’s being. He’s got no one to lash out to about it but you.

I have told him that I cannot control what she says/does but that I have had a word with her, which I have, asking her not to do it again. I’ve told him he is more than welcome to take things up with her but it’ll be easier for everyone for him to ignore it and block her if he feels that is necessary. She said she is aware she’s massively overstepped a boundary and said it has been bubbling for weeks after seeing how he’s treated me and the kids, but I’ve told her it’s not an excuse.

I like both fiction and non-fiction but something nice and easy reading too. I’ve only recently found the time to get back into reading so still finding my favourite genre.

Op if you do decide to reply to his txt msg's from this morning just ' gray rock' me personally wouldn't bother, he deserves everything from your mum, just remember to screen shot the nasty fucker,

Good for you booking Saturday night away,

Always remember, walk tall, head held high, you haven't done anything wrong, and if the truth hurts dame right it should, 💐

I'd have told him to contact your Mum, not you. He's pathetic.