Partner wants relationship with pregnant woman after one night stand

[Gare22]

Sorry if this is a long one…
after getting out of an abusive marriage about 4 years ago, I met my new partner online. Up until recently we’ve been together 2.5 years.
its been a breath of fresh air, really happy and seemingly no problems.
That is until back in June he confessed he’d had a one night stand and the woman is pregnant. This shocked me to my core as I thought we were so happy and he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret. I was willing to work through it if she decided not to keep the child and we have been on a break but keeping in daily contact since. However, he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child. (We are both in our 40s and I have teenage children) A few days ago I spoke to him and he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.
He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it so I’m shocked that this is not the case.
I feel more heartbroken by this than my marriage ending because it’s so much more of a shock. I thought I’d found my happy relationship. I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to get over this heartbreak and start yet again.
my ex husband is still trying to financially control me and put me through hell and I’m also caring for a child going through a mental health crisis. I can’t take much more!
Any advice, hope, experience or motivational messages would be very much appreciated.

I mean, he isn't the great relationship, is he? Night of regret? Really?? He's the only one benefitting from this. No need to fight over this one. He wasn't who he purported to be.

You were very vulnerable after the end of your marriage. You have your children and you should take this time to concentrate on them, making the best life you can, doing things that interest you and bring you joy and ditching this man, who you will eventually view as a rebound and not really all that. He has betrayed your trust and isn't the knight in shining armour you thought he was. It may not feel like it but you are still plenty young enough to find a good relationship further down the line.

TLDR thread
So you’ll work through it if she doesn’t keep the baby but she’ll only keep the baby if he gets into relationship with her. Yet you think she is the only controlling one? Interesting.
If it was such a great relationship he wouldn’t have had a one night stand. He didn’t accidentally put his dick in her, there was a series of many events that he participated in to get to that, all of which he wasn’t even thinking about you or your 2.5yrs together or by the sounds of it wrapping it up. You know about this one because she is pregnant- no other reason, there may be more. Get tested for std’s, grow a backbone and kick him to the kerb, concentrate on your child and when you are both in a more stable place, then think about a relationship with someone else. I’m surprised you haven’t been put off men completely after your ex and this one.

As hard as it is, you must bin this guy off, he will ruin your life. You unfortunately are just more unlucky in love than maybe some others, but just keep going as you’re next relationship could be 100% perfect and forever lasting.

Oh my word. The universe has saved you from a lifetime of a person you thought you knew, understood and liked.

say goodbye, erase him from your phone, social media and any other connections and sprint into a happier existence.

Cut ties now. Learn how to be single and prioritise your children.

He is humiliating and demoralising you. Get away from him quickly. I know you don't want to be single, but surely that has to be better than this?

Don’t do it!!

My ex was cheating on me during our relationship and I fell pregnant due to contraception failure.

I found out about the cheating very early on in the pregnancy and told him to sling his hook.

He then proceeded a very intense relationship with the OW. Moving in together within a month. She knew that he was in a relationship when she met him and also about the pregnancy.

Low and behold, as soon as ds was born, he crawled out of his hole and was begging to get back together. Stupidly agreed and he cheated again a few months later. Never heard from him since.

Anyways, my point is these sort of men won’t change. He will play the two of you against one another and probably cheat on her too.

For you, it’s different as this is a child conceived via infidelity. I wouldn’t be able to get over that or agree to be a part of it.

Know your worth!

I think you mentioned it in your OP.
But it doesn't really matter. I think your partner has minimized his contact with this woman and I think you've been wise to end the relationship.
It's a lot to take on board. And it's disappointing. I'm sorry you're going through it.

sorry this has happened. As the say goes, this might be a blessing in disguise…
You need to focus on yourself and leaving the relationship will free time and energy to put into your child. This change will be more beneficial in the long run.

Don’t morn this list for too long. He doesn’t really deserves it. Focus on another saying: when one door closes… another will open.

He’s not the person you thought he was, it is better to have found out now before investing any more time and energy in the relationship.

I doubt he would have told you had she not become pregnant. We don’t know in reality the extent of his cheating and lying. Events forcing his hand, hopefully you will see in time, are a lucky escape for you.

Hopefully you will find more peace away from him. I wouldn’t focus on getting in a new relationship, instead take care of yourself and your mental wellbeing as a priority.

I feel so very sorry for you... truly. But at the moment it feels like your life has been torn apart....... but, in time, the clouds will lift and it'll start to be a whole lot brighter, I promise you. Try not to dwell on the 'he didn't feel for me as I thought he did' because that will only hurt your already hurting heart more and that statement doesn't help. At all. Because, pound to a penny he WAS being genuine, but likely has a side to his character that is out of control. And that should be enough to strengthen your resolve, dust yourself off and let go. He has damaged something that sounds really lovely... and he will miss it (silly sod) but be strong my love, and leave this farcical nonsense, as THAT future will definitely NOT be bright. There really are plenty more men out there, good ones - in meantime concentrate on your child and do so with real focus. It'll get you through 💐

that's all you need to know. Get rid, don't look back

I'm so sorry OP. Break ups are so hard.
his story about a one night stand and her ultimatum about the baby/ relationship are 95% likely to be utter bollocks. Doesn't make any sense at all. I think he was in a relationship with the woman and they decided to have a baby. She probably doesn't have any clue about you.
Sending hugs 😔

Awe OP. I’m so sorry lovely. This is devastating. You sound an amazing person. You’ve every right to feel blindsided, broken and heartbroken by this.

It is so hard to trust people but he did this knowing all you’ve already gone through. That’s just callous. Likely the conception not from a one night stand but you already know that.

The relationship clearly didn’t mean the same to you both. 💯 his loss even if you pay in pain. Delete all his contacts and be extra kind to yourself. There aren’t many great men out there, or so it feels, but never again let his words woo you when his actions speak louder than.

Don’t stay with him just because you don’t want to be on your own again! I personally couldn’t handle a relationship like that, I’d
struggle when the baby was born and that’s so selfish. How are you going to feel if he wants to be at the birth or she wants him there at scans or even present in the child’s life - and it would be unfair to deny the child a present father. If you’re struggling now then it’ll get a lot worse as the pregnancy progresses and the child grows up. You’re not being unreasonable but be realistic. Don’t stay with him just because you don’t want to start again.,

Stay with him and work it out.

Does this sound like good advice?

NO

Very fustrating he has wasted your time like this, But she has done you a massive favour. Would you want to be with a man who is capable of doing this anyway, even if he didn't leave.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound like a lovely person And I wish you the best x

I just have to reply to your post. Please don't stay with this man. There is nothing for you in this situation only heartbreak. You can walk away now and let yourself heal and then move on in a better future for you. You will find happiness not with him but someone else who is worthy of your love.

One night stand my arse. He’s playing you like a fiddle.
also how do you take a break and stay in touch every day?

I feel sorry for the potential child. Imagine finding out you were conceived on a one night stand. I’m sure the child will be loved but it’s hardly an ideal way to bring a child into the world.

I think he may have been seeing her for a while and they planned this pregnancy to get away from you.

If so, this man is a complete a hole.

Dump him. He is the lowest of the low.

Sorry OP but I call bullshit on his "one night stand". He's willing to accept her word that he is father and throw your relationship away to make it work after just one night!? That doesn't add up!

Its so so shit! I think your latest post saying you will focus on your kids and yourself is the best thing you can do right now. Focus on being you, doing things for you... hope your child is better soon and things start looking up for you!

Can you be certain that this was just a one night stand? If so how can he be so certain that the baby is his? He seems to have accepted this very quickly. When did he tell you? The way I read it, not until he knew she was pregnant- did she have his number after a one night stand? And would he have told you otherwise? It sounds to me that you don't want to be on your own but that shouldn't be a good reason for accepting far less than you deserve. If your best friend was going through this, what would yoy say to them? You have been through a lot over the last few years and still have a lot going on, don't give your time and energy to someone that doesn't deserve it. If you haven't spoken to anyone since your divorce, then you might benefit from having some talking therapy. Focus on getting yourself in to the right head space and your child through their crisis and you might find you don't actually need a man to complete you.