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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner wants relationship with pregnant woman after one night stand

153 replies

Gare22 · Today 11:36

Sorry if this is a long one…
after getting out of an abusive marriage about 4 years ago, I met my new partner online. Up until recently we’ve been together 2.5 years.
its been a breath of fresh air, really happy and seemingly no problems.
That is until back in June he confessed he’d had a one night stand and the woman is pregnant. This shocked me to my core as I thought we were so happy and he said he had no problem with me or our relationship and it was a moment of regret. I was willing to work through it if she decided not to keep the child and we have been on a break but keeping in daily contact since. However, he has no children and this has made him realise how much he wants a child. (We are both in our 40s and I have teenage children) A few days ago I spoke to him and he said she would only keep it if he has a relationship with her and that he will do whatever it takes in order for her to keep the child. For context he is from a completely different culture where this may be more expected.
However, my brain just can’t compute that he would throw our relationship away for someone demanding a relationship.
He has behaved in a way that we would be able to work through it so I’m shocked that this is not the case.
I feel more heartbroken by this than my marriage ending because it’s so much more of a shock. I thought I’d found my happy relationship. I don’t want to be single but I don’t know how to get over this heartbreak and start yet again.
my ex husband is still trying to financially control me and put me through hell and I’m also caring for a child going through a mental health crisis. I can’t take much more!
Any advice, hope, experience or motivational messages would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
ChaiLou · Today 21:05

I'm sorry this horrible man has put you through this.

I suspect it had been going on for some time.
And maybe she isn't even pregnant- is there any proof of that?
How do you know she is?

One thing struck me from your first post- that you don't want to be single.
I know you won't think this now, but being single is probably the best thing, for a while.

It's not that long since your marriage ended and you were with this guy for over 2 years. I know everyone is different but dating within a year or so after an abusive long marriage is pretty much 'rebound ' territory. Maybe you weren't able to spot the warning signs of this man and maybe he sensed you were vulnerable.

You don't need a man. Make your life full and happy with your children, friends, hobbies, work etc and maybe give men a wide berth for a bit.
Sometimes 'wanting' a man can give off an air of vulnerability and attracts the wrong sort.

Sorry he's been a waste of time.

Prycejosh1987 · Today 22:22

Its sad to hear, but you need to kick him to the curb, hes a problem, and its okay to divorce someone who is constantly disrespectful.

Ghht · Today 22:25

I’m so sorry, you’ve had such an awful time with it op. This man is done, I’m afraid. Heartbreak is awful. Please look to be single for a while and focus on building strong friendships of support networks.

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