Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

I'd take the watch back, sell the holiday or try and get a refund (or just go myself) and get him a paper crown from Burger King and he can be King for a day at home.

The ungrateful cunt.

I honestly felt sad reading this. It sounds like you put your heart into making his birthday special. I'd be upset too. I hope he realises that the gift was really about how much you care.

I'm on his side about this.

OP you have not messed this up. Your Dh is unbelievably ungrateful. Does he have form for putting you down and criticising you? Does he make an effort for your birthday? I’d return the watch and buy myself something instead - tell him his new gift is him using his own money to have the store experience he wants. With the holiday he puts a smile on his ungrateful face or he stays home and plans his own trip. I’m not normally a passive aggressive person but I’d also tell this as a “funny story” to show him how ridiculous he is ‘oh you know what johns like I got him the exact watch he wanted but he was cross because he wanted the in store experience hahaha”.

If I saved up for three years and bought my husband the two things which he wanted, he would be lucky to make it to 51.

His behaviour is childish and rude; I would regard him in a completely different way in the future.

I’m embarrassed for him

’His disappointment has just led him to react badly’ would definitely work as an excuse if he was under 13 years old, yes.

He’s a pathetic spoiled brat isn’t he?

Take the watch back and get a refund. Buy yourself something nice with the money.

Go on the holiday with a friend instead or on your own.

Have a good think about whether you want to remain in a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly.

I’d take the watch back and get a refund for whatever parts of the holiday that I could, then spend that money I’d worked so hard to save on something nice for myself.

Don’t be embarrassed he should be . Fuck him go on the holiday if he won’t come. Cheeky twat.

What an amazing gift. I've no idea why your husband is reacting like this. What an ungrateful tosser. Is he ok?

This is all about control. It’s the watch he wanted but he wanted to buy it. The holiday he wanted but he wanted to plan it. He’s being incredibly ungrateful and has left you crying upstairs and he doesn’t care. I’m not sure I could get past that in a hurry. Personally, i would try and cancel the holiday. If you go he will moan about everything and tell you how much better it would be if he had booked it…. And tell him if he doesn’t want the watch you will get your money back and he can buy it himself. And gift wrap him a pair of socks. That’s more than the ungrateful sod deserves… I certainly wouldn’t be putting any effort into future birthdays

he is 50! not a child, not surprised he is irritated, as I was reading this

I just don’t know how I could have done this differently without it looking like I haven’t made an effort

You could have treated him like an adult and a partner rather than a child. You could have said: "I really want us to go somewhere special for your birthday. My treat: I've saved £Xk and was thinking we could go to Dubai on Y dates. What do you think? Shall we plan it together?"

Now this would piss me right off!

How can he be so ungracious as to berate you for buying him an expensive watch, that you made the effort to know it was his preferred one, wrap it and gift it him, only for him to whine over not having the 'store experience'.

What about the experience of having his wife gift him it? Clearly going to a shop is more important than that moment.

Fucking hell. I would be furious! Last gift I got him ever.

Yeah, she should have let him in on the planning and in fact, let him do the planning for both things.

Then he could have also paid for it since it was HIS planning.

Absolutely. Even if there was a small disappointment about missing the "experience" a decent loving partner would just swallow it and be grateful for their spouse has made this effort. Blimey some people are entitled and petulant.

Where has the OP said she has planned every minute of every day for the trip and that her NVDH had zero input on the itinerary?

I think some her are making some mighty big assumptions that have no basis in fact.

Agree!! Only on Mumsnet 🙈

As someone who’d also be a nasty cunt by your reckoning I can completely understand his reaction. What I’d be more upset about though is that my spouse doesn’t know me well enough to see I’d not like it. For me it’s not liking surprises and not wanting that much spending on me and finding that difficult. What I would do though is explain to my husband why I was upset and acknowledge why that was.

Exactly this.

But also only on Mumsnet is it always the mans fault.
If this were reversed there would be a lot of sympathy for the woman, and her husband not knowing that part of the experience of getting nice jewellery is to go to the shop and try it on.

When I was a child i knew that to express disappointment when unwrapping a gift was rude. That’s what my parents taught me.

Here we have a 50 year old man child who is being unbelievably rude and hurtful to his wife who has gone to great effort and expense to surprise him with very expensive gifts which he had on his bucket list. He sounds like a spoiled, self centred prick.

I agree with this, if he doesn't want/like the watch return it and keep the money to change the trip from both of you, to you and a friend or relative. Give him a card and say happy birthday and leave him to sort himself out.

Are you completely mad?! Can this guy be any more entitled and petulant than he has been in response to some VERY special, thoughtfully planned LUXURY birthday surprises! 🙄
So he wanted the 'experience' of choosing g the watch...he already chose it when he mentioned that he coveted it!
Dubai was on his bucket list so he should just chill then bloody apologise and just say thank you very much to his very kind and caring DP and have a great holiday?! 😡😦