Husband doesn’t appreciate gift

[MrsM101]

I’m pretty upset and feeling unappreciated. I’ve saved for 3 years for my husband’s 50th birthday to make it a special one. I spent months researching and planning and booked Dubai for his birthday, really spent a lot more than I’ve ever done before to show my appreciation and make his birthday special, also purchased a watch he had been after on top of it all which cost a bomb. I just really wanted to celebrate him. Firstly he is annoyed that I didn’t allow him to hand pick the watch himself even though he told me that’s the one he loved, secondly he is annoyed that I planned a holiday and he wasn’t involved in the planning and doesn’t want to go. I have shed so many tears and feel so unappreciated. I didn’t see it going this way. I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

Spending thousands on bucket list items for him without letting him be involved is just downright daft. It could only go wrong.

Exactly this. My 7 year old can manage to hide his disappointment at a ‘bad’ gift, so a grown man should be able to.

oh I've saved some money so I could get you x and we could go to y but I haven't bought or booked anything" I would think, so it's my birthday and I have nothing to open and he hasnt actually given me anything

This is why OP should have had this conversation three months ago rather than on the birthday itself. So by his birthday everything is planned and booked and exciting to look forward to (or they're actually there!)

He sounds very ungrateful. I bet if you hadn’t got anything he’d be the same too.

wanting to go to the shop and experience it is weird when someone has got the exact expensive watch you wanted. He’s being petty. The holiday I can understand a bit more as there’s more variables but if it’s bucket list I’m sure you’ve discussed and know what he likes.

i would be taking the watch back and cancelling the holiday.

That’s the issue though isn’t it? He’s being a complete arse about it. Even if you’re a bit disappointed that you’re weren’t part of the planning process you’d still get stuck in researching the area you’re in and booking a few excursions. Imagine how selfish a person would be to literally refuse to go on the trip. I
would probably try and change the booking to someone else in that situation and I’d be tempted to return the watch also. He then is welcome to enjoy the “ free” champagne and choosing when he’s saved up the money for himself.

He's awful - I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive this. Why is being fawned over by a stranger more important than his wife's feelings, that he's just trampled all over?
You have nothing to feel bad about - you haven't messed anything up. You did a really thoughtful and caring thing and he's behaved like an utter prick, just because he didn't get to choose every detail! What an absolute arse.

MN can be full of miserable bastards who hate anything joyful and will find a way of criticising it. But you are not at fault here and he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for ruining this.

I can see that he may have wanted to go to the watch shop himself. However, I would it expect him to show his disappointment to you. The way he’s reacting is borderline abusive

No, of course not 🙄 the husband that is using something lovely and completely normal that the OP has done as a weapon to beat her down and 'punish' her is controlling. The whole idea of gift giving by the way is that someone else chooses something that they think the recipient would like. For example the watch OPs DH had been coveting for a long time. Even if you would have liked to go to the shop and be involved in the buying yourself anyone with an ounce of decency would appreciate the sentiment and thank the gift giver. There is no excuse for him to be making OP so upset that shes sat upstairs crying. He sounds a thoroughly unpleasant man.

Honestly, it would be the last thing I ever bought - I'd send the watch back and cancel the holiday and spend the money extricating myself from this marriage!

I think this is one of these things, you had the best of intentions, but these were important things to him, so of course he wanted to be involved in the planning and pick his watch, so I think where you went wrong was the surprise element,

id have involved him much earlier, said I’ve saved x for a holiday in Dubai and a watch for your birthday, shall we start planning the holiday together, let’s go pick your watch,

a lot of the joy in this is actually the planning, the choice, and you took that for uour self, totally excluding him, picked a watch you would think he liked without asking him and planned the holiday, to somewhere on his bucket list, without discussing it with him

id not have said anything, and went along with it, but inside I’d feel deflated.

What a ridiculous ltb 😂

There are some strange people who think it's a bad thing to be suprised by your partner on a special birthday with a holiday to a place you want to go to and a gift that you have explicitly said you wanted.

I would be delighted if someone ever showed that level of thought and planning to make me happy.

What an arse. Get a refund on the watch, go to Dubai with a friend . Do you really want to put up with this spoilt toddler for the rest of your life?

Firm agree

Agreed. I’m not sure why it’s such a controversial view on here.

If someone wants to go somewhere for their dream holiday then surely it’s common sense to get them involved in the planning of said holiday

Normal gifts not once in a lifetime gifts. You understand the difference, right? 🤣

I’m not buying the “he wanted the experience and to choose” bullshit. Let’s put aside what he didn’t get, because that’s what we do as well rounded adults, and look to the fact that she’s spent an absolute fortune, years of planning, got him not one but TWO outrageous gifts, and he’s busy focusing on how it’s all not EXACTLY how he wanted?? Come on! There’s something wrong with this guy op, I’ll bet he’s a nightmare to live with and you can’t get a damn thing right. It’s narcissistic behaviour. I would actually take the watch back and change the name in the Holiday and if this reflects his overall behaviour, get a divorce as he sounds vile

If I’d always wanted to go to Dubai and I found out it was actually a possibility, then I would want to be involved in the planning - my dream holiday is Japan but I wouldn’t want someone else deciding the location, time of year and itinerary for me.

Sorry I think he is a controlling bastard... Has he ever surprised you with holidays and gifts, if so, I can see why you would want to do the same.
Take the watch back and cancel the holiday, or better still, take a friend! His behaviour is childlike!

Could it?

Because if I’d have talked about an item of jewellery I absolutely loved and wanted and my DH got that for me, I’d be thrilled.
A gift from someone I love / loved me, knowing they listened to what I said I wanted, would out way any experience I thought I’d missed by not going to the actual shop myself. But then I’m not bothered about being offered a glass of Prosecco whilst a member of staff pretends to care about what I’m buying.

OP if you’d have booked a holiday you wanted, doing things you liked for his birthday then I’d understand his reaction. But you booked a place on his bucket list?! . Surely that’s a good thing, he can choose stuff to do, restaurants to go to as part of his experience.

I know we’re all different but it seems so bizarre to act so ungrateful to someone who got you a gift you wanted.

He sounds like a spoilt child.

I’ve been disappointed with gifts in the past, and I’ve even returned things (as has my husband) when we don’t get it quite right. But a watch he specifically wanted, and a destination on his bucket list and he’s miserable about it. He sounds less like a spoilt child actually, and more like a bit of a twat.

I’d get a refund on a watch and go on holiday with a friend.

And if it’s his dream holiday and he wants every detail to be the way he wants, he can do that in his own time. This is a gift from Op and should be seen in isolation from his Disney princess dream list, separate issue.

He is an ungrateful idiot. As these were surprises, he wasn’t going to be involved in the planning process.
Tell him you’re taking the watch back and he can save up for it himself if going to the shop is so important to him.
Go on the holiday but with someone else - it will be wasted on him!

You meant so well and he is ungrateful. Unless in the past he said he hated Dubai, and also he said he liked this watch? Ungrateful. Learn your lesson. Don't do it again.

@Velvetandleathertheres honestly nothing more important in a relationship than showing care and consideration for each other.
The OP worked really hard to do this lovely thing for her husband and he's just thrown it in her face and had a tantrum. 3 years she spent saving the money to buy him the very thing he said he wanted. And he can't even say thank you.
That is not a trivial thing and I wouldn't want to remain married to a man who didn't think about my feelings at all.
I don't think I'm setting the bar particularly high here - it's basic respect and care!

I suspect that if the OP thinks about their life together, there will be other instances where he's been mean spirited - this behaviour doesn't come out of nowhere.

This 100%. He's being thoughtless and unkind.