Disturbing inappropriate text before first date…

[messyhairdontcare25]

Hi everyone

i just wanted to share a disturbing text I’ve received from a guy.

The date was planned for this Friday and I received the below by text out of nowhere…no previous sexual talk, just planning the date. Totally icked out and disturbed. Urgh!

Quick checkin: Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?

Cancel the date !! He is seeing what he can get away with and u haven't even met 😞

Where I come from, the expression, "Are ye behaving?" is common enough. It's a friendly, cheeky greeting. The reply is inevitably, "naw".

In that case cancel now. He's creepy.

I still want to know whether he's tall, dark and handsome enough to potentially get away with this sometimes, in the right circumstances, or whether he's Fifty Shades of LeFou.

Exactly!!

You date to have sex.
That is literally the main reason and it’s silly to pretend otherwise.

There is obviously some attraction to want to go on a date and it is normal to be a bit flirty.

As the date is coming up he is just fishing and being more flirty to test the waters.

He didn’t say anything bad (some of these replies are so dramatic) and it’s a good chance for OP to set her boundaries and make it clear she doesn’t want to flirt or anything further just yet.

It's sort of sweet how naïve some people are. I don't think there are as many men who are like that, and so they would realise that if they were aiming for light hearted humour not to go down the "are you behaving yourself..." route, especially with a new woman they were going to meet.

I personally wouldn't find it disturbing as he's basically telling you what kind of relationship he wants and I like honesty. Would it have been better to wait a month and then start laying out what he's interested in? Maybe, but then if that's not for you, you wasted a month.

This.

It doesn't actually matter whether this was about sex or not (it was, though). Even if it were asking about her heathy eating or slacking off when working from home (🙄), they've barely met and he thinks he has the right to judge her behaviour and to 'intervene' if he deems it to be substandard.

OP, you're absolutely right to not want to be within 5 km of this creep.

To me it means that he thinks that "being the man" means he is the one in control.
Its a total turnoff to me.
Is that all the man has to say to you?
How utterly uninspiring!
He is implying "you need taking in hand!"
He totally lacks any genuine connection.
The assumption is that you are seeing other men and he must step in and stop it .
As its 'flirty' to some people I can only assume their tastes differ.
If you want a guy with that reportoire then its your choice.

Ugh. Grim. Well, at least now you know without having to go to the bother of actually going on a date!

Wow, I've been off the dating marker for decades but anyone who doesn't see the sexual /dom element in that text is living in cloud cuckoo land. Definitely "over familiar " and a CF. Unless you're into that sort of thing, cancel the date and block him. It would freak me out 🤢

It's sort of sweet how naïve some people are.

Some are genuinely naive, and some want to make women think themselves crazy when they clock an unwanted sex phishing message.

This is where it starts and it will only get worse. Just cancel the date - he's gross.

I think you've massively overegged this. He could mean "are you drinking too much" or "are you being lairy?" I haven't got any "are you submissive" vibes from this at all.

If you don't get it just reply with a "what? I don't know what you mean! 😂"

I would not read that as sexual. It's a joke, a way of just making contact with you for no reason. That part is sweet - he just wanted to make contact.

The way he did it was awkward though. He'd be the kind of man that, if you were in a relationship, would describe you affectionately as 'a liability'. 'This one's always getting into trouble - she keeps me on my toes.' 'You want to watch out for her - she's a handful!' 'You stay out of trouble babe, yeah?'

It's not my cup of tea - but it's harmless and it works for lots of couples...

Same here , would have taken it as banter and him trying to be funny asking how my day had been!
😂😂

On a text message?? I've never known anyone laugh nervously on a text. A nervous laugh is uncontrollable. An emoji is not.

Blimey, this thread is quite the read - not only the ‘cancel the cheque’ responses from people who haven’t read the OP’s updates, but the sheer volume of wide-eyed ingenues who can’t immediately see this text for what it is, and all the posters fishing around for excuses and justifications and implying the OP is crazy for seeing sexual intent. Do you all live under a fucking rock?! Or in the 1950s?

Taking his response at face value and assuming he really did mean it for you and not another woman, OP, I guess at least he’s showing you what he’s after before you’ve wasted time and effort meeting up with him.

I think so too.

Anyway- he’s not for you so don’t date him. There’s no drama here.

Id think that too.When the op responded he just switched women.

Me too and after my year online dating it’s a very tame message.

Better buckle up OP if you are new to it !

@chocoluv You date to have sex.
That is literally the main reason and it’s silly to pretend otherwise.

I didn't.
I dated to evaluate a guy as a life-partner.
You can get sex without dating - just go to a bar/pub/club and stand around long enough.

I think he's talking to more than one woman. He accidentally sent it to you and when you questioned it (laughing like 'you idiot you sent that to the wrong person') he thought it was better to say it was meant for you all along. Dishonesty is unattractive and you've got the ick now so I think this one is done.

Dating these days seems so disingenuous, if I became single again I am not sure I'd bother with it.

Mans a weirdo, probably an Andrew Tate fan. Dodged a bullet there :)

he's trying to be sexy - awful, run!

Ah… he sees you as a challenge

swerve!