Disturbing inappropriate text before first date…

[messyhairdontcare25]

Hi everyone

i just wanted to share a disturbing text I’ve received from a guy.

The date was planned for this Friday and I received the below by text out of nowhere…no previous sexual talk, just planning the date. Totally icked out and disturbed. Urgh!

Quick checkin: Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?

I wouldn't see the text as 'disturbing'. I'd see it as someone trying to be humourous. If you think the text is 'disturbing', then he clearly is way off the mark, with his attempted humour!

Avoid 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

Yup, this.

It's likely sexual but a different conversation.

🙄

many women are also conditioned to laugh when uncomfortable, it’s a mechanism.

The naivety of many posters on this thread is quite astounding…

It's someone trying to engage in S and M sex talk, not humour.

You wouldn't be laughing when he had you handcuffed to the bed while he whipped you. Or maybe you would, who knows.

OP, don't listen to this person and others like this person. Being unable to read the text is one thing, some people are sheltered, but the facetious "I'm so sorry for the trauma you must have suffered to be this insane" stuff is insincere and a bit gaslight-y.

What a reach.

It was a flirty, humorous text asking about her day.

They had arranged a date to see if they like each other to eventually have a sexual relationship.

There is obviously going to be a bit of flirting going on.

I didn’t realise the message had been removed from the thread.

I assumed OP meant this was the message - Quick checkin: Are you behaving yourself or do I need to intervene?

Which is obviously nothing bad and just an attempt at flirty humour.

My apologies as I didn’t read the original message.

I disagree.
I admit that i don't know what was meant by it, but my spidey senses started tingling and not in a good way.

The moral is OP, don't agree to meet before you've had a good chance to chat to the person concerned, after all, they are a stranger to you.

I didn't read it as flirtatious or as an S&M thing, but I still think it's red flag territory - it feels like he's saying "you're mine now, I don't want any other men sniffing around". Which is unacceptable, and he's definitely one to avoid.

Of course you were right to query if it was meant for you! As it may have been an innocent mistake! It was for you and he is gross 🤢 I wouldn’t bother meeting up with him either! What happened to all the gentlemen?!

It obviously means sth like - 'Are you being a naughty girl? Do I need to punish you?' It can be seen as flirty and playful, or controlling and dominant.

(Male).
Does look, to me, like a 'soft' entry point for some BDSM style talk or engagement. Way too early for that -- or, for those thinking it is humour, way too early to say something that is open to such a range of ambiguity and interpretation.

I think he is testing to see if you up the talk before Friday as he’s probably hoping for more than a date.

I must admit I've said similar things myself. A friend recently bought a very expensive coffee machine and I said 'Ooooh, somebody's been left unsupervised'. At the time it just seemed like jovial small talk. In order to see this sort of thing as sinister I think I'd need to see a little more evidence that it was drifting in the direction of coercive control!

See? And then they just keep it going under the pretence of being so reasonable and sincere. They think we can't see it.

It's actually an even stronger indication that you're right about the message when people like this want to throw you off the scent. One has to wonder why, but it doesn't matter. Just pay these guys no heed.

It's yuk, if it was a steady relationship it would be fine.

Yup. I’d think that too.

Yep... total textbook. Right down to the projection. You'll notice the faux kindly "I am so sorry for the trauma you must have suffered" stuff has been dropped completely. Anger sets in.

I won't encourage any more of it but you can see the pattern. Ignore them and anyone else who tries to suggest you're insane or lacking for seeing an unwanted sex phishing text for what it is.

Who are you even talking to?? 😂😂

Jeez you think you’re that important that your the main one on this thread.

You or your opinion is not more important than any other poster.

Get back in your lane.

I didn't actually understand what it meant? Unless you are seeking a platonic friendship though, don't you have sex with people you date at somepoint? How do you move from talking about the weather to having sex then? Is it 10 dates in and then they can be flirty/mention sex? Genuinely interested how you move from mates to actually having a relationship in this situation?