Page 31 | The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

Nosdacariad · 2026-07-19T13:47:31+00:00

The Rules: -The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin -Do not invest emotionally too soon -It’s all BS until it actually happens -Trust your gut instinct -People vanishing, lying &amp; being generally weird is not your fault -Know your worth -If it's not fun, stop -Loo update is mandatory -No dating the thread -Treat others as you'd like to be treated -Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with -The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?! -OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 15:33

empirebiscuits12 · 10/08/2026 15:32

Oh I didn’t see your update! How bizarre!! You’ve done the right thing removing yourself and as pp said, it’s probably HIS ed as opposed to your (imagined) ed 🙄

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It was coupled with my (extremely rare and weird!!) vegetarianism 😱

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empirebiscuits12 · 10/08/2026 15:50

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 15:33

It was coupled with my (extremely rare and weird!!) vegetarianism 😱

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Oh wow, I can see why he backed off 🙄😂

Best out of it if you ask me. However that doesn’t make it any easier. I just hope you don’t take his weirdness to heart, especially when you have hoarded of us on this thread shouting “it’s not you, it’s him”!!!

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 16:09

empirebiscuits12 · 10/08/2026 15:50

Oh wow, I can see why he backed off 🙄😂

Best out of it if you ask me. However that doesn’t make it any easier. I just hope you don’t take his weirdness to heart, especially when you have hoarded of us on this thread shouting “it’s not you, it’s him”!!!

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I think I need to go with my instincts sooner, but there's always the fear of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

I was worried about incompatible lifestyles and how much he drank.

I keep being approached by people ten years younger but they always seem like they think they'd be doing me a favour...though maybe they'd be in a better physical state.

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 19:59

Just axed another iron "too many migrants..." Idiot.

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rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:21

Ilovelurchers · 07/08/2026 23:24

Have any of you wise women got any tips on how to prevent the dating apps from taking over your life? I try not to check them too often and I don't have any alerts on for them, but when my phone is switched on and near me, and I open it for another purpose, I find it hard to resist just quickly clicking on the apps, and then if I see a message or some new likes, I just have a quick look, and one thing leads to another and before I know it I've spent 15 minutes messaging and/or swiping.....

I have been switching my phone off at a certain time in the evening and leaving it in another room, or sometimes leaving at home when I go to the park, but today I was reading in the park for about two and a half hours and when I got back I had loads of panicked messages from my elderly mom - some workmen she had had in had been harassing her for payment, which she needs my help doing from her phone, and unable to contact me she ended up driving to the bank and queuing for ages, which she is too frail to safely do alone...

It brought home to me that I do really need to be contactable at all times - but how do I develop the self discipline to resist frequent "quick" dating app checks?I'd like to have several hours each day in which I don't even think about dating.....

If anybody has any strategies that work for them, I'd be really grateful.

(On a positive note, I am in discussion about arranging a date with my promising new iron, so I will name him - Mr Detective. (Guess what he does for work.
...🤣)

It is hard. I used to check mine twice a day, once when I got up and once before I went to bed. I'm not on my phone that much though so that worked for me. I read somewhere that if we check it too much it impacts the same part of our brains as gambling because of something called the ludic loop, which triggers are need to win at something, like a slot machine... ha ha that made sense to me, it does feel like it is crazy making sometimes!

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:22

Nosdacariad · 09/08/2026 14:49

Yes, I think it's a combination of lifestyle, meds, circulatory issues and possibly nerve damage from diabetes (in MrX's case).

I'm not a medic obv x

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In my experience (and friends) most men over fifty seem to have some kind of ED, not sure what makes it better or worse..

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:23

Ilovelurchers · 09/08/2026 19:44

I've got a date booked tomorrow evening with Mr Detective - he has suggested a really nice, quite upmarket bar in our city which I had never heard of before but it sounds like a bit of a secret gem, reading up about it! So that's swung me in his favour - it's somewhere I can reasonably get a little bit dressed up for, which I do enjoy.

Some of the other irons I have had sizzling away in the background have gone crazy today - one on Facebook dating sent me all these weird messages about his sex life with his ex (of only 6 weeks, it transpires). And indeed her sex life since - apparently she has now tried anal sex, which she wouldn't do with him, because he was "too big".

So many questions:
A) how does he know this.
B) why is she an ex if they are still close enough to share intimate details of their sex lives.
C) why is he telling me.
D) why is he such a revolting and weird fucking creep, too know this stuff and spew it on-line to a virtual stranger.....

But rather than asking any of these, I blocked him and went to look for some brain bleach.

Oh, and remember Mr 2nd Time, the one I had the date with which was quite good apart from the weird head-gripping kiss?

We have been messaging in a very desultory fashion, and he has finally gotten round to mentioning a second date. (Mini-golf, something I have strongly hinted I love). The trouble is, he has left it so long that I am not feeling in rh least desired or pursued. In fact, I feel like very much an after thought. If this is his A Game, what would he be like months down the line, when the initial spark of meeting has worn off.

I was in two minds anyway, due to the strangeness of the kids, and also his non-ideal living arrangements. Now I am thinking I just won't bother.

But am I being too Princessy? We met on Tuesday. So it's taken almost a week for him to actually start pinning down a date with any seriousness.....

sending you messages about sex with his ex and her sex life is a hard no. Unless you just want a hook-up, in which case go at it. I'd pass. Men who talk about sex really early want sex really early and often that is all they want. Go to the wine bar with the other fella, and see if he can keep his mouth shut about shagging his ex! This is a sore point for me right now, about to post more on that!

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:25

Ilovelurchers · 09/08/2026 22:52

I've just booked a ticket for a speed-dating event in my city on Saturday night.

I have never gone to any singles events before. I don't feel nervous as such as I have had so many first dates now that I am used to making conversation with virtual strangers - and how bad can 4 minutes get?

But I just have no idea what to expect! I mean, I understand the format, but in terms of what kind of people will be there etc, literally no idea.

It's for 40-55 year olds (I am 48). In a city centre venue, run by a company that seem to do events across the UK.

If anybody has any advice they can share, I'd be really grateful. My plan is to mostly approach it just as a new experience/learning process, rather than expecting to meet someone first go.....

(I have also found out that at least two of the mini-golf places in my city do singles events, so given my love of mini-golf, I am hoping to try these too - but I will dip my toe in with conventional speed dating first.)

As obvious as it sounds, just be yourself. Try and pretend you are talking to a friend of a friend. Importantly, ask the questions you really want to know.. you don't have time to build any real chemistry, so I'd use the time to get down to the basics...looking forward to hearing how it goes as it sounds less brutal than dating apps.

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:31

Update on Mr Soughdough: Well, where to begin. The revelation that he was into S&M years ago died down as in he never mentioned it again and has not tried to tie me to the bed yet (nothing wrong with that btw, its just not my thing). BUT he has a crazy ex in the background and I am struggling with it. In short: they split up years ago, she's tried to see off his other GFS, he sees her some weekends in a small friendship group. She still has feelings for him - flirts infront of me, and has made shit comments to me. We have had our third row about why the hell he keeps her around, and he defends it as not wanting to split the friendship group up. There seem to be no consequences for her behaviour, yet I was close to getting dumped at the weekend for daring to suggest he tells her to get lost and he meets the other two in the group at other times. I got a warning "we can't have this conversation one more time." Any thoughts?

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:38

Also... By my calculations we have been together just over six months (from first date) but he keeps saying it's 4 months, and then when I question that says, he takes it from the first time he's had sex with someone. Is that a thing? What is that?

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:47

Mildred007 · 08/08/2026 10:13

Morning!
Can I ask your thoughts on this?
So after a great first date last Sat, Mr Spa was consistently messaging daily, albeit sometimes taking a while to reply, but mostly the first to message.
Thursday I asked him if he's going to ask me for another date or was I going to have to ask him. He laughed & teased for me to ask him so I asked if he was free next weekend. He didn't reply for hours so I jokingly asked him if he was keeping me in suspense. He replied to say he was really tired & was going to get an early night & did i mind if he replies tomorrow (Fri). I've heard nothing since. Would you follow up tomorrow if no reply today or just assume he doesn't want another date and leave it?
Slightly kicking myself for spending the night with him now, maybe the first & last time I do that (although I don't regret it)

This is early days where he is supposed to be showing you his best behaviour. This is not good behaviour. He should be enthusiastic, and even if you have asked him out (which of course is fine) he should be leaping to the opportunity with excitement and feeling flattered. He should feel really happy and show it. I'd get rid.

coolpattern · 10/08/2026 21:50

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 10:59

Any advice?

Mr Beered - he said we'd sort this weekend's 4th date midweek unless I got a better offer, I said I'd rather know what we were doing sooner unless he wasn't feeling it.
He went very quiet.
I explained I would rather see him and there would be no "better offer"
He eventually replied he was confused, was going to bed and could we talk today.
I said yes sure and...🦗🦗🦗 nothing today.

WWYD?

I wouldn’t double text. Ball’s in his court lively xx

coolpattern · 10/08/2026 21:52

Ilovelurchers · 09/08/2026 22:52

I've just booked a ticket for a speed-dating event in my city on Saturday night.

I have never gone to any singles events before. I don't feel nervous as such as I have had so many first dates now that I am used to making conversation with virtual strangers - and how bad can 4 minutes get?

But I just have no idea what to expect! I mean, I understand the format, but in terms of what kind of people will be there etc, literally no idea.

It's for 40-55 year olds (I am 48). In a city centre venue, run by a company that seem to do events across the UK.

If anybody has any advice they can share, I'd be really grateful. My plan is to mostly approach it just as a new experience/learning process, rather than expecting to meet someone first go.....

(I have also found out that at least two of the mini-golf places in my city do singles events, so given my love of mini-golf, I am hoping to try these too - but I will dip my toe in with conventional speed dating first.)

I absolutely love the sound of this and would be so up for myself. I hope you have a wonderful evening and meet new friends at the very least x

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 21:55

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:22

In my experience (and friends) most men over fifty seem to have some kind of ED, not sure what makes it better or worse..

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Is this before medication or after?

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coolpattern · 10/08/2026 21:56

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 15:16

TW for eating disorders

Update...Mr Beered said he was in two minds because I didn't eat all of either meals we had and therefore HAVE I GOT AN EATING DISORDER?! ( massive restaurant meals).
I don't.
I said I'd remove an option so he didn't have to be confused and that he could have just texted me.
I suspect the ED chat was the problem though.

Sorry, I’m clearly behind, but what the actual f&£@? That is absolutely absurd behaviour.

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 21:56

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:23

sending you messages about sex with his ex and her sex life is a hard no. Unless you just want a hook-up, in which case go at it. I'd pass. Men who talk about sex really early want sex really early and often that is all they want. Go to the wine bar with the other fella, and see if he can keep his mouth shut about shagging his ex! This is a sore point for me right now, about to post more on that!

Edited

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Oh noooo @rubberduck68

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 22:01

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:31

Update on Mr Soughdough: Well, where to begin. The revelation that he was into S&M years ago died down as in he never mentioned it again and has not tried to tie me to the bed yet (nothing wrong with that btw, its just not my thing). BUT he has a crazy ex in the background and I am struggling with it. In short: they split up years ago, she's tried to see off his other GFS, he sees her some weekends in a small friendship group. She still has feelings for him - flirts infront of me, and has made shit comments to me. We have had our third row about why the hell he keeps her around, and he defends it as not wanting to split the friendship group up. There seem to be no consequences for her behaviour, yet I was close to getting dumped at the weekend for daring to suggest he tells her to get lost and he meets the other two in the group at other times. I got a warning "we can't have this conversation one more time." Any thoughts?

Oh nooo I'm so sorry.

This is sounding a bit like Planes - total sympathy.

I think it's a case of deciding what you can put up with and still have a relationship that works for you. Then awful as it feels, walk away if the situation is unacceptable.

It's shit he is trying to shut down dscussion, not having your back.

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coolpattern · 10/08/2026 22:01

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:31

Update on Mr Soughdough: Well, where to begin. The revelation that he was into S&M years ago died down as in he never mentioned it again and has not tried to tie me to the bed yet (nothing wrong with that btw, its just not my thing). BUT he has a crazy ex in the background and I am struggling with it. In short: they split up years ago, she's tried to see off his other GFS, he sees her some weekends in a small friendship group. She still has feelings for him - flirts infront of me, and has made shit comments to me. We have had our third row about why the hell he keeps her around, and he defends it as not wanting to split the friendship group up. There seem to be no consequences for her behaviour, yet I was close to getting dumped at the weekend for daring to suggest he tells her to get lost and he meets the other two in the group at other times. I got a warning "we can't have this conversation one more time." Any thoughts?

What on earth? I understand not wanting to split the friendship dynamic but he absolutely has to shut her down and have your back when she pipes up rudely about you.

id be telling him he’s on his last final strike!

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 22:02

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:38

Also... By my calculations we have been together just over six months (from first date) but he keeps saying it's 4 months, and then when I question that says, he takes it from the first time he's had sex with someone. Is that a thing? What is that?

Edited

Bollocks is it a thing.

So sorry. He seemed so promising

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 22:04

coolpattern · 10/08/2026 21:50

I wouldn’t double text. Ball’s in his court lively xx

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You'll see in updates I removed myself as an option for him 😁

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coolpattern · 10/08/2026 22:05

My turn for some advice please if you don’t mind.

my lovely Mr K has lost someone really close to him recently and seems to be withdrawing into himself. I’d love to be there for him and do something but I just don’t know what. I’ve made all the usual offers but he’s gone very quiet, understandable really. Don’t think the funeral will be for a few weeks.

How long do I leave it before asking to see him, going out etc?

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 22:05

coolpattern · 10/08/2026 21:56

Sorry, I’m clearly behind, but what the actual f&£@? That is absolutely absurd behaviour.

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More likely reason, he told me about his ED after a few drinks...

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coolpattern · 10/08/2026 22:06

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 22:04

You'll see in updates I removed myself as an option for him 😁

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Good for you, he’s a twat and didn’t deserve you xxx

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/08/2026 22:08

coolpattern · 10/08/2026 22:05

My turn for some advice please if you don’t mind.

my lovely Mr K has lost someone really close to him recently and seems to be withdrawing into himself. I’d love to be there for him and do something but I just don’t know what. I’ve made all the usual offers but he’s gone very quiet, understandable really. Don’t think the funeral will be for a few weeks.

How long do I leave it before asking to see him, going out etc?

Gosh this is so hard.

Could you maybe suggest something short and low key like going to his with coffee as a first step?

I'm not sure how long it has been/what stage you're at? I can feel the dilemma xxx

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MrFlintstone · 10/08/2026 22:17

rubberduck68 · 10/08/2026 21:31

Update on Mr Soughdough: Well, where to begin. The revelation that he was into S&M years ago died down as in he never mentioned it again and has not tried to tie me to the bed yet (nothing wrong with that btw, its just not my thing). BUT he has a crazy ex in the background and I am struggling with it. In short: they split up years ago, she's tried to see off his other GFS, he sees her some weekends in a small friendship group. She still has feelings for him - flirts infront of me, and has made shit comments to me. We have had our third row about why the hell he keeps her around, and he defends it as not wanting to split the friendship group up. There seem to be no consequences for her behaviour, yet I was close to getting dumped at the weekend for daring to suggest he tells her to get lost and he meets the other two in the group at other times. I got a warning "we can't have this conversation one more time." Any thoughts?

He should have your back, not his ex. She is an ex for a reason and his past. He should be backing you as you should be his future. I would dump him. How do you know you could rely on him in an emergency ? You can't. Let him go and find someone that will be by your side 100 percent.