I am so angry with and feel so hurt by my partner.

[SoAngryAboutThis]

I'm just so angry about this that I can't work out how to address it.

I have had the worst 18 months of my professional life and it culminated with me leaving my much loved employment two days ago. I'm not going to go into detail about that because I'm not looking for opinions or advice on that.

And it would be instantly recognisable to other colleagues and stakeholders if i did. Suffice to say that I'm devastated about what and in the way things have been done. And I'm not alone in that. It is not something I deserved or have caused in any way.

This isn't just 'a job'. It is something I've done for 20+ years, it's not just what I do, it's a core part of who I am. Even if I never stepped foot in that environment again, it's still how I would describe myself or at least would until I choose I no longer want to describe myself in that way.

My partner knows this. He has listened, he has supported not just me but my colleagues too (I'm not the only person who has been targeted), I couldn't have got through the last 18 months without him. Frankly, it's been traumatic.

On Friday (my last day at work), he and I went out with a couple of colleagues (who have become very valued friends). I saw my partner talking to someone we both vaguely know. I mean so vaguely that we recognise him to say hello and briefly pass the time of day with but neither of us could remember his name and I don't imagine he remembers ours either - just a face we recognise in the crowd.

I overheard him mention the name of my previous employer.

When he came back to sit with us, I asked what had been said and he glibly replied, "Oh I just told him you used to be a _ but they let you go,"

Used to be a _? Let me go? I was lied about, disregarded, undervalued, overlooked and sidelined for 18 months because my face no longer fit. I was sent to A&E with a suspected heart attack earlier this year through stress. I've cried and felt a sense of loss akin to when my marriage ended.

And he's minimised it to I used to be be a _. I didn't used to be anything. I still am.

I am so angry that he not only reduced the last 18 months to such a simple sentence but that he reduced one of the most devastating and painful periods of my life to chit chat outside a pub to someone whose name he doesn't even remember. I was so angry, I said this in front of my friends. He did apologise and then said, "It's OK, he wasn't even really listening."

That does NOT make it OK.

I am still so angry. I'm angry that he said it, I'm angry that he minimised it in that way. I'm angry that he shared my personal information with a stranger. Angry that he gave this incredibly painful and personal part of me and my life to someone else who didn't even care that he was hearing it and on my last day when he knew how upset I was. And it's also made me feel that I don't want to share personal things with him. How can I give him anything of myself when he treats it with such little care?

He doesn't treat me with little care and it doesn't reflect what he thinks or feels about me but to be so careless with his words...

I need to speak with him but I need to get it clear in my head what I'm going to say and to process the anger here so that I can communicate it effectively.

I am also aware that some of my anger is related to.the situation but I just feel so betrayed by him. I've been made to feel that I don't matter at work for the last 18 months and this has just compounded it.

How silly you must be to not read the thread properly and realise it’s not the OP were taking the mick out of!

They are very obviously taking the piss out of the poster that would dump their partner for telling a 3rd party of their food preferences, not the Op.

Erm excuse me? While you’re busy being triggered on behalf of the OP, have you bothered to read my other reply? A couple of us are having a side joke, nobody’s putting the boot in at all. Grow up.

I will stop now though, as it’s not worthy of being a long standing joke.

Thank you!

True! Thanks for the chuckle 😁

Sometimes, when something is on your mind, and has taken up a lot of headspace, for a long time, it is hard to not mention it. It shows he is thinking about you even when you are not in the conversation.

I also think you sound like you’d benefit from therapy, it’s not your boyfriend’s job to take all this on.. It’s just a job.
I don’t think he has done anything wrong here.

Well, I guess the name rings true then. But who were you being cruel about?

@Twittymctwitface we’re joking because another poster said they’d dump a friend or partner if they told somebody their food preferences.

All lives continue to go on. His and mine and have done alongside this.

I've not been going through this alone at work and I've offered support to colleagues who've been going through their own version of the shit and their own personal shit at the same time.

It's not been all consuming and it's not all we've talked about (although it's felt like it at flash points).

I haven't wanted it to he all communing and I've been aware of the impact it will have had on him too. He has been great and the colleagues he's supported love him too.

That's probably why this hurt so much.

I'm not going to reply to every comment but I have 'reacted' to many which made valid points. Although I have probably missed some.

And I've been here for long enough to be able to tell the difference between 'tough love' and someone who wants to make themselves feel better by kicking someone when they're down or people who have just demonstrated a complete lack of understanding of the situation so I've largely ignored them 👍🏻

You are massively over reacting. Your partner isn't the enemy here. Be careful how you go forward, don't destroy your relationship through projecting your anger on to him

I’m leaving this thread now, but if you have been managed out of teaching OP, feel free to PM me, as someone who understands.

I couldn't be bothered to get so angry over a 5 min conversation with a stranger

That's very true. Thank you x

That's the whole.point I was making.

He didn't need to know and wasn't remotely interested but now he knows something that I haven't shared with some of my closest friends

So just calmly say to him 'when you say things like 'x' (what he said last night) it makes me feel like I dont matter. Im very sensitive right now please don't tell anyone else about my work situation from now on.' Dont be angry, his actions do not deserve anger, just state the facts. Then let it go.

I hear how much pain you are in. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Your rage and distress are understandable. Its going to take time to work through and try to settle the emotional overload. I think your partner would not mean to minimise or dismiss how upset you are. The rage and the pain are overwhelming you, and its making you understandably direct that at the wrong person. I think you need some support from your gp. Your anxiety and distress are evident and you need support in getting through this.

Aggressively policing the way your partner interacts with others would be as wrong as him giving a random bloke an inaccurate summary of what happened to you. By all means tell him how upset you are but telling him how he must refer to you in conversation isn’t the way.

All this fuss about leaving a school teacher's job? Seriously get a grip. What about Kier Starmer who has been managed out of the PM job in a pretty humiliating way and still has to go to work and be in the public eye every day? Worse things happen.

Just get another teaching job at a nicer school - private schools are less picky from what I hear and loads of teachers are needed.

Your anger comes across clearly. I'd urge you to take a breath for a moment (for your own heart health, for one thing), but I do think he did do a really stupid thing. Like, if asked, why couldn't he have simply said that things didn't work out with your previous company and you're currently looking for work (if anything).

Unless this part of a wider pattern of insensitive, dismissive or silly behaviour. or there's other things about your relationship that are bad, I'd recommend that you stop focusing on this and take a breather. Go outside and do some walking to walk off all that energy.

Any chance your partner doesn’t agree with your side on whatever went down and is also possibly resentful about you walking away from that income?

I wouldn’t have a problem with the “used to be a _” but I’d be fuming at him saying you were let go if you weren’t.

Huge over reaction. And classic reaction to something when you’ve got all this built up anger and resentment, and one misplaced comment, and you’re jumping on it. You sound absolutely devastated, and probably rightly so, at the loss of your job. Maybe a bit of therapy is in order or you might not only be losing your job, but also lose a partner who appears to have been a huge support.

You're directing your anger in the wrong place. It needs to come out as a part of the ‘healing’ process, but non of this was his fault.

Maybe his judgement was off due to alcohol?

If you're all down the pub, the other bloke was a bit tipsy, and your dh was also drinking, then it's easy to put a foot in it and sound glib or flippant.

Emotions running high on all sides. Everything's made worse by alcohol.