I have ONE fucking thing a week I do for myself and dh repeatedly lets me down by being late home

[CountessDracula]

and tonight "he forgot"

I have been so supportive to him lately and he can't even be fucked to think of me

This is becoming a pattern
I am beginning to think he is a selfish cunt who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself.

In fact I have thought it for a while

He is compounding it with repeated selfish behaviour

I never let him down
never

you could also point out to dh that your dd might not mind too much at the moment but once she becomes a teenager it will really matter - and given there are so many other things that really matter to be argued over it might be worth getting in the habit of getting the trivia right

My exh once forgot to give me the montessori note about the christmas play, describing exactly what the children should be dressed in. I still have the video of dd2 (aged about 2 1/2) in pink Oilily, surrounded by fifteen green and red bedecked elves.

snorting at this thread, esp ggg's elves and Issy and the thought of lots of small girls who would have no 2 haircuts if dhs were left to it.

That's what I've done Issy - and the school reaction has been exactly as you predict.

My shoes as House Nag (and in fact my shoes in general) have been very ably filled by dd1 who now organises both her parents, has good working relationships with both our secretaries and also deals with the cleaner more often than we do.

My DP wouldn't feel in the least bit guilty if his own incompetence meant one of his offspring being Oilily-clad for the Christmas performance. Men don't do mother-angst.

Mrswobble - dd, at four, is excellent at this already, thank goodness
I predict that at only 104cm high she will be marching on Moscow this winter and woebetide anyone who gets in her officious way...

Oh no, Issy, have had flashback to Patio Doors
You are right, of course (Mn tips over as most posters rush lemming-like to generalize at this point)

Yes, but it's again a matter of what's considered the tedious trivia and therefore Not Quite Worth dedicating important male brain cells to, I think.

I am resisting generalising about Efficient Daughters, too. Oh all right then.

LOL! Actually, I did have a minor smug moment to myself last week. I was in a foul mood and DH was in his run of working late (by late I mean getting home at 9,10 or 11pm at night!).

I'd spent all day doing the usual dropping off of DD at school, dropping off DS at IL's for babysitting, working my 4.5 hours, picking up DS, dashing home to park car so I can walk (blardy fast!) to pick DD up from school, then pick up dry cleaning, do the washing up left from the night before (i cooked and usually the rule is whoever cooks doesnt wash up but he's not washed up for eons), sort out hospital, doctor and clinic appointments for DD etc etc etc. I was ill-tempered.

He came home and noted my ill-temperedness. After about 10 minutes of me saying "I know i'm in a foul mood and it's not your fault you have to work late but I'm still peeved at all the extra burden on me" and he said:

"Well, if you are in such a bad mood every time you have to take DD to hospital, then maybe I'll have to take the day off in future to do so you arent so grumpy"

I said

"Yes, that would be great, thanks".

He then went on to whinge about how it has more impact on him because he earns more money (currently 30% more but he should be earning more but wont push for the rise he's been promised, whereas I cant find decent paying jobs that are part time that mean I can still be relatively close to home, near to DD's school and convenient for childcare).

Anyone the conversation didnt end there but i think you can guess where it went

The thing is, though, fussing about clean socks and neat hair IS tedious trivia. In the grand feminist scheme of things. DP is right on that. They don't really really matter. Getting them to school more or less on time, sort of dressed and breakfasted, is probably important but the actual details of it aren't.

In the end you can't expect them to do half, or more, of the childcare and domestic maintenance, and also dictate how it all has to be done. even regarding clean socks and neat hair, maybe.

I have an Efficient 6yo dd. In contrast to utterly inefficient 8yo dd, who makes DP seem ultra-organised. 4yo is in between the two.

however, coming home in time for partner to do Own Thing In Evening is not trivial. that's important.

Except, Fennel, that there does have to be a certain degree of attention to trivia, and if the Y-chromosome ignores it, the other female parent becomes Bad Cop who has to do it all.

As a child I used to hang my gym kit on my peg on the first day of term and take it home again at the end of the half term for washing. What happened?

THIS IS WHY I STOPPED SENDING XMAS CARDS

half of htem were to hs relations
i tought what the fuck am i doing

so i sotpeed

Er, Swedes, that's what my kids do. Except DD2 who had an attack of hygiene the other day and brought hers home (I do madly hope she grows out of it).

Cod, why on earth did you start? I never get this, wimmin who send cards to their partner's friends and relations...

i dunno
i think i was workgin part time at the time
anyhoo
no more
none

Sotpeeing always best tactic I think.

DP who is positively anal about chucking stuff out, threw out the letter which was sent to alert me to the fact that a packed lunch was required on Tuesday this week due to it being declared 'Health Week' and therefore DDs class was to have a healthy ramble.

Health week? No. DDs lunch comprised sandwich bought from Greggs, crisps and a bar of choc from the Co-Op.

The mistake was his, the clearing up of the shit, mine.

I made it my mission never to learn the birthdays of his brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews (even after 20-odd years) and I never make provision for them. The only concession I make is to his elderly mother. I get the kids to make a card from them to her.

My lot bring their gym kit and games kit home daily - have done since primary.