I have ONE fucking thing a week I do for myself and dh repeatedly lets me down by being late home

[CountessDracula]

and tonight "he forgot"

I have been so supportive to him lately and he can't even be fucked to think of me

This is becoming a pattern
I am beginning to think he is a selfish cunt who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself.

In fact I have thought it for a while

He is compounding it with repeated selfish behaviour

I never let him down
never

lolol at my army/navy similes

Passes one to CD.

be careful mumsnut

i once discussed dh's secretary and got pounced on

you are admitting to multiple assitants

He shouldn't need CD to remind him though!

Tutter I negotiated to get paid by dh's company to semi-organise dh's diary.

v good point mp

If CountDracula is reading this, please look at my post of 19:21:29.

You wife is very upset, you turd.

Once a week you have to do something for her, and you can't manage it.

Ditch all ideas of bunches of flowers and running her a nice relaxing bath - this will not cut the mustard.

It is wankerdom like this - ie dismissing her needs as minor in comparison to yours - that sows the seeds of marital disquiet.

Unless you want her waltzing off to Spain with your new au pair, Carlos, start doing the ONE thing she's asking.

Multiple assistants only because they job-share, Tutter. Very Mum-friendly.

I really feel for you CD, my dh is dreadful for this. Although I know that it's not just me he does it to as other people complain about it too. If I complain that it shows a lack of care he usually spouts some shit about how he works hard for the best interests of the family (even if he's been in the pub and not at work). I think he believes it, and I suspect he doesn't understand just how trapped you can feel when only one person in a partnership is ultimately responsible for being there for the child(ren).

He has two issues, firstly he can't accurately estimate how long it will take him to get somewhere. If the fastest time he has ever made the journey from A to B is 20 minutes then that is all he will allow everytime. Secondly, whatever is occupying his attention at the time always take priority over what he should be doing. He will never say at the outset of a conversation that he only has x minutes available (because that would be rude) and he invariably allows thing to run longer than they should.

I make it painful for him to let me down because he will always remember something if it's in his own best interests to do so. I go out for the evening with friends once a month, if he is late once then I book a babysitter for the next month and he pays her. If he gets home in time so the babysitter isn't needed he still pays her half (I agree this with our very sweet babysitter) and I don't book her for the following month. If he doesn't get home before I leave he pays the babysitter in full and I book her for the following month. He keeps paying for the babysitter until he manages to be reliable. He really hates this, not because of the financial aspect but because the babysitter goes to his church and he fears it gives the impression that he is unreliable (I wonder why).

Straws and camels' backs ... I do sympathise.

god its got very earnest hasnt it.
all that he paying she paying.
cds dh has made a mistake
i am syre they will reconcile soon

Great system Bran!

I am liking Bran's cunning mix of financial and social humiliation.

I am evil.

I remember once mentioning to my (single) workmates that marriage is a cold war, you never give anything without having it acknowledged and you retaliate early so you don't look weak. They were a bit , I think they were imagining something little more romantic.

I see where you're coming from Bran, they do have a tendency to say "you didn't mind last time" if you're not careful.

I liken it to dealing with a teenager, you have to be always one step ahead.

Your dh is a bigamist, CD, because you're describing my dh - EXACTLY.

In fact he's at Radiohead tonight, yet when I plaintively reminded him about an appointment I have next week at 7.45pm, there was much aaahhming, errring, important meeting, then reaching a crescendo of, "I have to earn a living - I can't just swan out of work at 6 o'clock" blah de bloody blah.

What I'm trying to say is that you're not alone.

It is maddening. It's so easy as a mother and wife/partner to lose your identity. Definitely worth making a bit of a stand. Probably best to take off your Cath Kidston pinny as you deliver your vision of marriage in the 21st Century speech.

CD, I'm really shocked too to see thsi is your thread.
I hope he's home and you're reading the riot act.

My Dh may not be much good at general husband stuff but he is quite good at rememebring stuff I tell him.

(actually my post should also say excludeing mothers day, but we won't go there again

Poor you CD. I would offer you my dh as a substitute except he would make yours look like a pargon of virtue most of the time.
Basically I think a lot of men can't manage to think about more than 1 thing at a time, can't think ahead, can't think of the impact on anyone else rather than themselves and are often as a result wankers disorganised and thoughtless

Note to all those reading this with sons.. make sure your sons are not going to become men like this please.

any news cd?

ti sme cod

DH is like this. And he's always on his blardy blackberry. So I decided to use the two facts to my advantage, and our entire family diary is now run on Outlook, and he gets Outlook meeting requests for anything he is required to do/ has agreed to do . If he 'accepts' them (and he must!) then he is on pain of death to follow through.
If he 'forgets' things then I retaliate by adding extra 'reminders' (to embarrassingly 'ping' at 24 hr, 12 hr & 1 hour intervals...)

I haven even set reminders for things like "we are tidying the house tonight as the cleaner comes tomorrow"...

It works.

My sympathies.
You need to have the discussion. He needs to show that he cares. BUT you are wise enough and capable enough not to make one thing the pivot as to whether he loves you or not. If this time is precious then get a sitter. Because he will let you down at some point. And sometimes it just goes with the work environment - I know myself that it can be very hard to drop something that is seen as vital to the client or the firm to go home on time.

I don't know if you've ever come across the "5 love languages". It is an interesting read. Essentially people can experience love through either touch, time, gifts, acts of service or affirming words (or a combination). Most people have a preference towards one or two in particular. Men often rate affirming words highly for example. I suspect that your dh hasn't realised that say giving you flowers (gifts) doesn't make up for letting you down(acts of service). So it may not be so entirely selfish, but he may not be rating what is important to you in an accurate way.

But I've never met him, so he may be a totally selfish twat. You don't strike me as someone who would have fallen for a totally seflish twat though.

This has got quite heated!

I have no choice - dh is in the army and when he has to go to Afghanistan or Iraq he has to go!

TBH that isn't the same thing at all hf. You have my sympathies that your dh has to go away, but there is a big difference between him not being there for external reasons beyond his control (ie his job) and CD's dh promising to be home at a certain time and just forgetting or not being bothered.

My DH is currently abroad Mon-Fri and I don't feel (much) anger towards him about it, because I know he won't be there and I can plan accordingly, ie book a babysitter. I get furious when we have a discussion a week in advance where I offer to book a babysitter and he insists there is no need and then he turns up 2 hours late on the day meaning I can't go out.