Friend's husband showing up uninvited whenever we meet

[Verona1976]

I've been friends with someone for 12 years, and we've always had a great relationship. The issue is her husband, who I feel is very controlling, although she either doesn't recognise it or chooses not to see it.
Whenever we meet for lunch or drinks, he'll use a phone tracking app to see where she is and then unexpectedly show up. I know plenty of families use location-sharing apps for safety, but it doesn't seem normal to me that he regularly turns up during our time together.
As soon as he arrives, the atmosphere completely changes. What was a relaxed, fun catch-up suddenly becomes tense, and we end up feeling obliged to include him in the conversation. It's awkward, and it spoils the time we had planned together.
This has happened on several occasions now, and it's starting to affect our friendship. I've tried mentioning it to her, but she doesn't think there's anything wrong with the situation. I'm not sure what to do next.

She knows it's not okay, but is not ready to tackle it for whatever reason.
I bet the toad is forcing you to drop her too, so she has no-one but him.
Despicable man 😔.

Fully agree.

Accidentally (on purpose) leave phone behind. If he is enraged by that, the woman is in deeper trouble than a controlling DH watching her movements.

Someone else suggested this above and it's a great idea but she's not interested in anything like that unfortunately

Can you find some kind of women only place to meet your friend? Can’t think what that might be, maybe someone else can suggest one.

Are you sure she's actually safe OP?
Controlling to the point of turning up unannounced is dangerous territory. I agree that you need to start arranging things that require entry only like a spa day (I suspect he'll talk her out of it!) but maybe book a cheap one as a surprise (non treatment ones don't actually cost a lot) she'd either confess he'll be fuming or she genuinely doesn't mind him tagging along and he's not being as controlling as it seems.

Don't drop her as a friend, as much as it annoys you, it'll require you getting clever but your friendship might be a very important part of life.

Is the issue that he's controlling and turns up against her will or that she is happy for it to happen and allows it? I think that makes a difference. If its the former then that's another issue possibly but if she's simply allowing it as she doesn't see the issue, which is what you seek to be suggesting, you need to tell her it's not okay with you.

I’d be very worried about my friend. If she turns her location off or leaves her phone at home what are the consequences?

try to think of some women only things to go to. what happens if you go to the cinema and need a ticket ?

Also don’t give up on her that’s what he wants to isolate her completely.

I think I would make sure I could keep my friend in my life and not rock the boat, I know it’s really hard but I would want her to have me around if she needed someone to turn to.

If he is this controlling he probably would be delighted if you dropped her as a friend. He is absolutely unhinged and probably shows up to make sure she isn’t with another man! Its not normal, I think my DH would rather drown than listen to me and the girls have a catch up.

She doesn't like it, I can tell, but she would never admit it. I've told her previously that it's strange and I don't like it but it hasn't changed anything. It's just nice to get other people's opinions on it, as I wasn't sure if it was a common thing that people do. Obviously it isn't and it's a massive red flag and coercive control.

What about a GPS spoofing app? Then he'd turn up at the wrong place.

ETA - must have been a glitch with the phone, we started there and moved on

This would mean her admitting there's a problem which she won't unfortunately

I'd call him out init. Fucks sake Kevin why are you here again once was odd twice was weird but this is fucking troubling. Then turn to her and say I'm sorry but this is just ridiculous let me know when we can catch up without him and if that's not allowed get some therapy and then you should leave.

Yup, I get it. In which case, everyone should leave when he arrives. What a cock, and such a shame she puts up with it.

What if you went for a five mile hike up a mountain? Would he follow you?

I'd keep doing what your doing. I couldn't let him win here, he is deliberately trying to isolate her from her friends. If ever there is a time to stick by someone it is in these situations.
Could you meet at your house? Maybe he'd be less inclined to show up then.

It is massively abusive. And incredibly rude.

The question is, do you care more about her or you? And that's not like a trick question or anything. If you try to force this to stop he will stop her seeing you. If you challenge him he will punish her. I remember clearly as day the fear of someone upsetting or angering my ex, people must have thought I was so controlling and obsessive and actually I was. Because if you upset him he punished me. I would stop seeing you without even needing him to do anything because you would be a danger to me essentially.

So either, you remove yourself from the situation if you don't want to be around him. Or you accept it and just be there for your friend.

He probably would yes as he's into fitness 🤦

Probably cos she's not allowed to go to things like that.

Do not drop her, she needs you. Do what you can safely.

If he turns up, say “sorry bob, it’s just us girls here tonight”. I think you have to talk to her about it.

Suggest she switches to airplane mode on her phone or go walking/shopping.

To be honest I would very quickly get fed up with up it and just leave when he arrives.

Yes, she is in deeper trouble. She could end up seriously harmed.
I wouldn't recommend doing anything that rocks the boat OP just to try and find a gotcha moment. The tracking alone indicates high risk DV.

Tell her she needs to leave her phone at home. Or pick her up. Park a good way from the restaurant and leave her phone in your car.