Glam & Fab Part 6 - The Summer of Discontent

[Tanee58]

Hope you all find your way onto this new one !

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Dior - maybe he is fearing rejection too. One of you has to make the first move - give it a try, you might be pleasantly surprised.
Baffy - aaahh, that's so nice! Your posts keep getting me all emotional
UC - well done you, it sounds like the new approach is working, and I bet you gave him food for thought!!

OMG will you ever stop farking talking so much. I am now exhausted

Off to bed in a mo but before I do.....

Baffy - so glad ds is ok. Very encouraging situation with you and your h Everything crossed. He is probably feeling down because he has to deal with feelings of guilt and pressure. You are right. He has to deal with it, you cannot solve it.

UC -facebook thing..........imo he is not flaunting it in a cruel, calculated way but he may be doing it in a "I'm on self-destruct so let's just throw the cat amongst the pigeons" way. It is a test. But is the test aimed at you (to see how you react), or is the test for him (e.g to see if he believes his own hype). Just a theory. I think you are right.......I don't think he knows what he wants. Good for you getting glammed up. at skinny jeans and a vest top. Not a good look for me

HW - understand how you feel. Normal day to day life can grate. Hope you get some time to yourself in September. You so deserve it. Glad you enjoyed legoland but shame about the weather.

TFM - glad all going well for you

Lily - so sweet to think of your dd in her ballet outfit I so want a girl

Ds got stung today by a bee. Poor thing His dad and I went to a parents evening at the school he is starting this september. So weird to think he will be at school from september.

Ginny and Tannee - so sorry to hear your dps drinking continues to be a problem The bottle or the OW. I don't know which is worse.

LL, skinny jeans would have been a no no for me too until 3 months ago. Since then I've gone from a 12 to an 8, in a matter of weeks.

Well, more today. Got a text first thing - can he come round "for a chat" this morning? I asked what he wants to talk about. "just stuff" - like what, because if it's going to be distressing for me, I want to be able to prepare? So he texts back - "just want to talk about the house, our stuff etc, not in a sinister way". wants to be "open about the future. Nothing definitive, just a talk". So now I am in a complete state, I can hardly see to write this. Does he have no concept of the pain this all causes me? How can it be "just" about the house, our stuff. He is talking about our entire life, built up over 14 years together, and he wants to dismantle it all so quickly. What is he trying to do? force me to acknowledge that there really is no chance? ram it down my neck? don't think there's much chance of glam today.

Help. Please.

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oh UC I am here are you still around - sending lots of hugs and strength ...
I so remember those "chats" preparing to be strong and dissolving in floods of tears - afraid I am not the best at advice so don't really know what to do as I guess I never handled it all that well and we just hopped from crisis to crisis
I think TFM is right (as always) concentrate on YOURSELF and your DC and what you want/need and don't get dragged into his feelings/actions or trying to "fix" things....that was my mistake/problem I think - I am a fixer so I tried and tried so hard and TBH I think I pushed him and the OW too hard - I always wonder if I had stepped back it would have burnt itself back without all the terrible things that happened
So distant and beautiful, distant and beautiful good luck lovely xxxx

oh Dior how lovely
and UC bloody at the size 12 never mind an 8 - I was a size 20 2 years ago when H left a combination of stress/exercise got me to a 12-14 ...and then I got PG and now am back to an 18 and feeling pretty crap about it especially as I am a short shit !

I never thought I would worry about being too thin, but I am now.

Dior, that's so lovely.

I am trying to pull it together now. Chats about taking our life apart. I am a fixer too MacD... and he is showing at the moment he is a breaker.

UC are you ok?

Dior that's lovely news

I went out to see my brother's band play last night and rolled in about 3am this morning so am currently trying to hide behind my computer pretending that I'm ok, when I actually feel like I'm about to die!

Not big or clever!!

Not sure if I'm ok or not. all feels out of control. Feel like I should force myself to stop hoping and loving him, as he is hurting me so much, and doesn't really seem to get the concept of how much pain he's causing.

You can't force yourself to feel something you don't so don't blame yourself

H treated me very badly for 18 months and I never stopped loving him for a minute, even though I wanted to.

If you can, I do think like the other's have said you should try to calmly explain to him just how much you're hurting at the moment and how hard it is for you. Not because he will suddenly change and fix everything for you, but because I think he should be aware of the pain he is causing and face up to that.

Don't bottle things up or blame yourself. It's him that's moved the goal posts and changed your whole future. You shouldn't be expected to just accept that and move on xx

UC i don't think any of us can tell you how to handle this my instinct would be to with your gut feeling. When he turns up you are going to have to judge the way the converstion is going. I think if it's a conversation to put affairs in order etc then i would be inclined to tell him what you said in your post r/e the years it's taken to get where you are ec. and if you can't do it don't. He can't just expect you to 'chat' about everything like it's a 'normal' thing he has done.

However it may be another way of him just meeting with you and remember you wanted a chat too so if it's just that then i would play it cool as you have done. I do agree partly with McD about it burning itself out !

Either way good luck , when is he coming ?
And you can always do glam even if your dying on the inside

he's coming at 11. I can't glam, I have big puffy eyes, and there's no way I could hide this distress from him. He's just going to have to see it.

Agree with lily. Just go with your gut feeling.

When you're in this much distress it's impossible to hide it anyway.

Thinking of you xx

UC, maybe it's for that best that he sees you have been upset this morning but when he arrives try really hard not to be too emotional. it will freak him out and make him aggressive and defensive.

TFM taught me an absolutely fantastic strategy. Sing BA BA Black Sheep in your head each time you feel the urge to blurt something out or when there is a pregnant pause in the conversation that you feel you must speak in order to fill.

He has requested the meeting, he knows his own agenda (or maybe he doesn't actually!) therefore allow him to open the discussion, lead it and drive it.

Your job this morning is simply to listen to what he has to say. You are under no obiligation to respond at this time unless you wish to. When he's done let him know you'll consider what he's said and get back to him.

Remember BA BA Black Sheep! It works!

Mac, sorry but you have made me with "short shit"!!!

Your FB pics show a very beautiful woman IMO and I would never ever have guessed you were an 18.

UC there is no right or wrong way to deal with this and if you can't be strong , in control don't worry after all it's real life and he has tipped your world upside down.
If he sees you upset then that's that you are only human and this is the consquence of his actions which i don't think is a bad thing for him to acknowledge.
However like PC'S tip and def agree let him do the talking as when your in a state you can often say things you regret.
Hope it goes ok , will be thinking of you.

McD i am one of them too lukily bf seems to be my diet at the mo but not sure dd will appreciate that forever

(shouts)
How's the head

thanks PC. Just had a shower, so feel a bit better. I know what you mean - whenever I've shown him before that I'm upset (although he hasn't seen that since the beginning of May, I've been trying so hard to be distant), he does get aggressive and defensive. It's such a fine line, and I am trying to analyse too much.

PC's advice is great.

lily how cruel!!

bacon on toast and 2 cups of coffee and now I feel even worse!

Am never drinking again!!

BAFFY!!!!!! BAFFFFFFYYYYYY!

OI! WAKE UP!!!!!!!

What you need is fried eggs, beans, hash browns, fried bread to go with that bacon.

God actually I'm starving!

what the hell am I doing here when I have people hunting me down for answers to questions I don't actually understand?

ssssshhhhhhh!!!!

Thinking of you UC let us know how it went if you feel up to it.....FWIW after one such "chat" H and I "fell into bed" - although it was probably not wise the look on OW face when I told her was priceless to me

Bugger you Lilyloo BF doing opposite to me as I am starving ALL the time so actually have gained about half a stone since LO born ..
Have very old very dear friend visiting from home (abroad) in 2 weeks and I haven't seen her for a good few years - am so much fatter than when I saw her last - can I lose a stone in 2 weeks

UC if you subscribe to CAT I can send you my email and mobile ....has helped me to have support from this wonderful lot less publicly ...and then you can find us all on FB and see that we aren't really hairy truckers - hope you are ok??

ok and clearly talking to myself Best go do some housework my house is bogging {gag emoticon} before baby wakes up.....will check on you later UC!!
BAFFY hows the head god I would love a good hangover haven't been pissed for sooooo long - work xmas do 5 Dec - will have stopped BF by then intend to really have a GOOOOOD night
PC why thank you was probably a bit thinner in the FB photos but a good 16-18 will put some skinny ones on you can see the difference