Glam & Fab Part 6 - The Summer of Discontent

[Tanee58]

Hope you all find your way onto this new one !

Oh purleeease! I thrive on burden! Thats why I've got broad shoulders!

BAFFY! You have never been nor never will be a burden!! We will never ever tire of hearing from you, whether that be in need of advice or to give it. Please don't hide away from us.

I understand how you feel though. Do you think it could be just a little bit of you not wanting to hear what we have to say because, although you know deep down inside that what we say makes sense, you just simply don't want to do it! End of! You don't want to be told what to do by a bunch of Teabag gasbags! And that too is perfectly ok. At the end of the day you have to do what is right for you, not us! But, please allow us to support you every step of the way. Actually, I do remember you psoting that if you ever mentioned wanting to be with H we had to give you a slap So you can't be cross with us for doing as you asked us to do. Also, just in case you are thinking we may be losing patience or thinking you are daft for hankering after H or any of that other stuff, then you are wrong. All we care about is you, and you being happy xxx

UC my email is [email protected]. Don't worry about it being public, I get lots of nutters emailing me anyway

Thanks LL.

H wants to be with me and ds and says he's going to do everything he can to make it work.

I just don't know anymore. I need to see some evidence of that I suppose. Words are easy.

I can't look at baby things, or pregnant women, or even adverts featuring babies without turning sick. So as much as I believe I can accept the child, I can't underestimate the hurt it is causing and no doubt, will continue to cause me forever.

I don't want to make a snap decision now that will shape the rest of my future.
Just a few weeks ago H and I had decided to make a go of things and try to save our marriage. Despite everything, that made me so so happy.
I'm not sure whether her getting pregnant should mean I give up on my marriage forever. Hence I'm allowing her actions to decide my future.
I want to decide my own future.

Does that make sense?

I know people on here get frustrated with me and say well H obviously doesn't love me, he doesn't want me, he'll never make me happy etc. I think someone also said they feel sorry for him.

But I guess ultimately I have to do what I believe is right for me. Even at the risk of losing all those who have been by my side through all of this Believe me, when people in RL find out all of this I know the backlash that will follow.

Like you say LL, I think just some time to reflect and decide what I want is what I need at the moment.

Thanks for your support.

PS I'm pleased you are going to give the supplements a try Baffy, you will feel a lot better about things once you are feeling brighter.

Baffy - You could never be a burden. Take all the time you need x

UC - The reason he minded about a stained futon matress is because it is evidence of you living your life and moving on. THat is also why he hates that you have moved pictures! Men - you have to laugh!

Well, I lost 5.5 lbs! I knew it qould be fairly good because I had walked so much and been really good (yes, even with the lunch with Tanee).

Tanee - harumph @ straggley sideburns! I can't help my hair problem you know. You were lucky I didn't get my legs out!

x-posts TFM

I think you're right in that although it all does make sense, I need to be ready to take those steps myself. And I can't take steps in any direction until I decide what I want can I

Honestly though, I will be ok. I'll work this out. What will be will be

Well done Dior that's fantastic news xx

I almost felt sorry for him Baffy because I get the picture of what kind of man he is, wanting to please everyone really, not wanting to hurt anyone and do the right thing. I imagine all that is happening has caused him agreat deal of confusion too. I could imagine that having OW on one side of the equation, pregnant and demanding and you on the other, loving him and wanting him would put his mind into a complete spin, overwhelm him. Thats why I suggested that you give him space. Like i've said before, I don't for one minute think he is a bad man, he has just made some bad and foolish decisions.

People got frustrated with me too Baffy and told me I shouldn't fall for DP's charming ways, that I should leave. I took no notice, I did what I had to do and look at me now! I'm beginning to be pleased that I did. So, no matter what anyone else has said, you have to do the same. Only you truly knows what is best for you.

Baffy you did say you didnt want to see the counsellor because she just sits there and says nothing you get our honest opinions - doesnt mean you have to take any notice!

The thing is you and GW could get over this if he was going to be a man and say "this is what I want" and handle his problems but what is he offering you or is he still dithering? Im sure we would all be pleased if this turned out well for you but it could just carry on like this for years and I think even the strongest person would struggle to deal with that

If you ask him what he wants - what does he say?

Just remember only last Thursday you said "I would rather be single than allow this man to keep treating me this way"

WELL DONE DIOR!!! oh my word! I am soooo proud of you!!!

Baffy love, I think we all know what you want When you have had some time, some deep thinking time, you will work out exactly what you want.

At the end of the day Baffy, when you love someone, you love them warts and all, it wouldn't be real love otherwise. I have got to really admire you for hanging in there and still ebing prepared to give H another chance after all of this. That is love!

Exactly WW!! It was GW saying he was sticking by OW that made me cross. It wasn't really Baffy standing by him. It was the hurt he was causing Baffy that got me wound up! He does need to make his mind up and keep it made up! Then we can get on with the job in hand

"But I guess ultimately I have to do what I believe is right for me. Even at the risk of losing all those who have been by my side through all of this Believe me, when people in RL find out all of this I know the backlash that will follow."

That is never going to happen Baffy, you are never going to lose any of us! xx

But we reserve the right to give you a virtual slap next time he makes you think you are pathetic when you arent!

OK I need to ask a FB question - you know the funky applications you get - a mate has just sent me a tequila as TFM knows I am paranoid about privacy and I notice the FB say they will allow the application developers to view info about you. Ive de-personalised most of the account now but can I stop them from seeing the photos as that is one of the things they say they allow them to see? I have reservations about techy batchelors viewing my album LOL

Hang on I think theres a man in black hiding behind my dustbin...LOL im not that bad really!! Just cautious

Thanks guys

WW just this week, for the first time, he's actually saying what he wants. Saying he wants me. Wants to live with me and ds. And has told her that too.

I'd love to feel positive about that but I can't deny that in the back of my mind I know at any time that could change.

I think back to last year when we tried to give it a go and he promised me the world. Then he went back to seeing her, and his reasoning was that when he promised me he'd never do it again, he did feel like that. But then his feelings changed

How do you actually argue with that?!

Anyway, this time words are cheap. I'm truly not going to take anything he says as gospel. All I'll believe is what I see with my own eyes.

We both agreed that if this is ever to work we both have to have the same level of commitment. And show that to each other...

FWIW I did take your advice and I have stepped back a lot. I am trying to do it. Bit by bit.

He's got 2 days off work, tomorrow and Sunday, and for the first time he has come to me and suggested we do things, and actually suggested what we do.

This is the sort of thing I mean.

But I suppose I haven't been on here saying guess what, this has happened etc. Because I truly don't know what will happen. I guess me stepping back is giving him the chance to step up and start backing up his words with real actions. But only time will tell.

WW - I think PC is the best one with all that techy stuff she should be able to help. I'm rubbish, I honestly have no idea.

PC are you lurking?!

Well the last 2 years have proven his words to be fairly cheap...what you need to see is him behaving in a way that is acceptable.

Couples do get over these things - I wouldnt I tend to just think "oh you arent good enough for me" and move on but that doesnt mean its not possible.

WW it's those applications that can apparantly open the floodgates for all the spam stuff too. Tell your mate you are tee total and refuse the tequila

And watch that man behind you bin, he could be out to steal your underwear from the washing line!!

You don't argue with it Baffy. If you want to do it then go with it and enjoy every moment. Allow yourself to think positive and allow yourself to be happy. You know what could happen but, you also know it might not, so why worry about what might not happen. If you do worry and think negatively then you are allowing the past to spoil the future. Chill baby!

FWIW, if DP had an affair and a baby was the product but DP said he loved me and wanted to be with me, there is absolutley nothing or no one who would stop me from being with him. And I mean that! I would deal with it, whatever, however. And if there was anyone in my life who couldn't deal with it, it would be there problem not mine.

I noticed you guys had those applications on yours so I assumed you would know what the techy guys in their grubby flats were viewing LOL

Will ask PC

Wouldnt be the first time my undies had been nicked

Baffy, if he is certain of his choice maybe the two of you could go and see her (meet on neutral territory) and h tell her is staying with you because he loves you but that he will still be in the baby's life and you will not obstruct that involvement. Just an idea. I don't know how you would feel about that. I thought his tendency to live in a fantasy world might need a RL gesture like this to cement his resolve iyswim. She will probably react really badly and threaten to abort the baby etc. but he will have to consider that before doing it and be prepared for that response. He has to stop being manipulated by her. She really does sound as if she has a personality disorder imo.

Or have you considered moving away?

Baffy ? we are behind you 100% whatever you decide and whatever the outcome. I think that we can all give out advice based on what you have told us about H, but you are the only one who truly knows him and even though from the outside it might look like you are making a mistake, you know how you feel in your heart and you must do whatever feels right for you and ds. And as for you being a burden ? you can stop thinking that right away young lady.
Well done Dior ? you?ve done so well. Keep up the good work.
WW ? As far as I know if you have your privacy settings set up for only friends to view your profile, then nobody else can see your photos. At least I hope that?s true. If you accept applications like gifts etc, then it will show on your mini feed and the person that sent it?s mini feed. You don?t have to accept these things anyway, just ignore them. Let me know if you find out I'm talking crap though (I do that sometimes

You know what I'd really like to hear UC say to her errant husband? That he absolutely must take his clothes away as they don't fit her boyfriend.

Dior well done you you should feel very proud of yourself!

UC let the anger, hurt out on here and play the cool, calm collected one to dh he will never know! Annie

WW sorry don't do fb!

Baffy glad to know you haven't felt hounded away.
We have all had the misfortune to choose to spend our life with a 'selfish man' in one way or another. If we all took the general advice of don't go there he doesn't deserve another chance we would all be in very different positions. We can all comment but none of us knows h or what you really want for you and ds. Whatever your choice it will work out in the end and you can never be a burden you have helped lot's of us and that's what friends do (even virtual ones

Hope evryone else ok.

TFM what about this for channeling my energy having a bit of a wobble today think it's hormonal so have vaxed all downstairs carptes and painted front door and feel much better. Have gone from being angry at dp to feeling ok again all in a morning without him even knowing it

Well done Lily!! I;m proud of you! That is exactly what I do! I do some deep cleaning or gardening or I dye my hair anything to make me feel better, then DP comes home to a nice smiley me instead of a grumpy one.

My carpet is due for a clean too but I'm in a good mood so i will save it